Kids - How many???
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Kids - How many???
| Thu, 08-25-2005 - 11:10am |
I'm trying to keep an open mind here, and I've been meeting men who are challenged financially (nice way of saying it) but have 4+ kids. Those prior men had these children by various women! Ugh!
I've been chatting with a new guy who I am suppose to meet on Saturday who has 4 kids (all from his ex-wife) and works as School Bus Driver.
Please note I'm not trying to offend anyone, but do any of you all have a preference when it comes to how many kids a person has??? Do you consider the financial part of this equation?

I don't worry about finances when I'm dating someone.
However, I don't tend to date men that have mutiple children by multiple women, doesn't fair well for their track record.
If he had several children by one woman (ex wife/ex SO) it wouldn't bother me, the only concern I would have is if he was "done" having children as I want children of my own.
Personally, I prefer to date men with no kids & no desire to have any. I'm not the motherly type & don't ever see that happening. However, I don't turn away guys with one or 2 kids, but any more than that scares the crap out of me. I'm just not that into kids, but get along with them. Oddly enough, my non-desire for kids hasn't hampered my dating pool, unless these guys are ignoring or in denial over that.
There was a nice guy I was interested in with 3 kids who were all in the 8-13 age range. Older kids are better, so it wasn't a problem. The problem was that his kids were ALL he wanted to talk about. I know you love your kids & they're awesome (seriously) but for me, personally, that is a turn-off if your whole life is the kids.
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ABSOLUTELY
The person I would consider will have 1 or less children (as many as myself or less) and will make as much money as I do.
I tried to make exceptions in the past but all were very uncomfortable and didn't end well.
I will never again date a man with children unless there are some VERY clear rules in place.
My exSO had 2 kids by his 2nd wife (and 1 by his first, but he signed over his rights to that kid -- something that I had issues with, but whatever, it was long before me). I was fine with their needs always coming first. Of course they did. I'm a pretty independent woman, so it was all good. I didn't really ask much of him anyway.
Until the night I called him crying hysterically because my father was sick and not expected to live til the AM. I asked him to drive to NJ (from VA) to be with me, because at that point, I needed him. He said no, because he thought there may be an issue with his kids' health insurance IN SIX MONTHS if he did so (he and their mother were both set to be active duty military by then (reservists), and can you see the military allowing that? Puh-lease).
So, then, you might ask: what are the rules?
1. Keep their mother away from me.
2. The kids' needs come first. Their wants do not. Our needs (and sometimes 'wants') as a couple come before their wants.
3. If I call you crying, yes, I expect you to be there. At that point, it is a "need", not a "want".
I suspect I will never be involved with a man with kids again. And I'm fine with that.
You know, I can't like a man who has children by more than one woman. It's like they haven't taken the relationships they had very seriously. Go know.
Since I'm in my late 40s, and a recent empty nester (yeehaw!), I'm at the stage where I prefer the guy to have older children. I assume by this that the guy will have more freedom. Probably deluding myself, after reading luv's posts!!
I never really thought up a right *number* of kids though. What I do know is that child support times 4 kids is a whack of cash!!! If they have split custody the guy then needs to run a large household to accommodate the kids. More expense! So I wouldn't be surprised that your Saturday date will be short on the greenbacks.
amjay
I've never dated a man with kids, nor do I really want to.
My online searches are strictly limited to the '"unsure", "probably not" and "don't want to have any" crowd. As for those children who "live far away"... hmmm, I haven't found myself in that situation yet, but doubt that I'd get involved.
Yes, the financial aspect is one thing- the stresses of raising a family are another.
I'm just not very maternal.
amjay45.....
Totally feel where you are coming from! School bus driver w/4 kids doesn't add up. We talked last night and this guy is divorced but lo and behold the 4 kids are from his 11 year "sex-only" relationship (his words)! (WTF???) Apparently they were on and off during the 11 years, each time producing a child. He apparently has had no dealing with his ex in the past 4 years, although she has had 3 more children -- total of 8 kids this women has. Ugh. This morning I sent him an email stating that I didn't feel the connection nor wanted to waste time meeting.
I'm not a big stickler about a guy making as much or more than me when it comes to money and this guy probably makes about 30K, but when you throw in 4 kids, IMO, it drops down considerably!!!!
NEXT!!!!!
My son is 10 and I only have one. I prefer men who have older kids and/or around the same age as mine. I'm a bit flexible, but the last 2 guys who had 4, their youngest was 6 months, and 3 years old respectively.
As an opinionated (read: loud mouth) newbie, I will jump in with my two-cents:
First of all, if the kids are