kids: Yes or No (am I crazy?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
kids: Yes or No (am I crazy?)
7
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 9:18pm

I know for a fact I prefer not to be pregnant and not have kids.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 7:30am

Hmmm. You say you feel like you would be deceptive answering a man who says he wants children. But aren't you being deceptive now with other men by saying you are undecided when in fact, you are not? I think there are most likely men who check "undecided" for the same reason you do who may or may not want children.

I would recommend just being honest and check "no." That way you may have more of a chance of meeting someone that feels as you do. And at 34, you will probably meet men who already have children from a previous marriage and who will not want more children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 4:20pm
Aren't you just wasting a lot of time having to delete all those emails from guys who want kids? Isn't it just easier to say you don't want kids? Cause if you are saying "undecided" but you are sure that you don't want kids, you are being dishonest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 10:48am

Thanks, I guess you're right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 10:51am

Musiclover12:


regarding: Aren't you just wasting a lot of time having to delete all those emails from guys who want kids?


Why would guys who put "yes" email a woman with "Undecided" in her profile?


I can't answer that, but they do and have emailed me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 10:54am

floridagirl52:


regarding your words:

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 11:22am

OK, yes, I didn't write that first bit correctly. And really, you of course can do whatever works for you, and I understand that putting "undecided" will get more responses than "no." The point I wanted to make was that you are being "deceptive" by saying "undecided" rather than just saying "no" which based on your words:

"I know for a fact I prefer not to be pregnant and not have kids. I was a jogger and have a bad back and had knee surgery from running...there are other reasons too, but I just don't want kids. LOL.
I have to be honest and say I chose the option "Undecided" in my profile because I know I will get less emails if I put "no" - is that so wrong? "

...means you are definitely coming down on the "no, never" side rather than "undecided, I may change my mind later" side.

In the big scheme of things, if a man is truly undecided about having children and the two of you get together, I doubt the fact that you checked "undecided" would be a deal-breaker. However, if he was formerly "undecided" but then really wanted children, that could be a problem, but that could work the other way too. If you were both truly undecided when you got married, then one or the other changed their mind and wanted children, then that is a huge issue, and it's not always one that you can see going into a marriage. I have a friend who definitely wanted children, and her future husband said he wanted them too. After they married, he changed his mind. She "accidentally" got pregnant and had a child, which created huge problems for them. He subsequently got a vasectomy.

Ain't OLD great? In the real world (whatever that is) we don't have to walk around with signs on our foreheads that say "Undecided" or "Social drinker" or "Divorced" that people can read before they even meet us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 12:16pm

<<Why would guys who put "yes" email a woman with "Undecided" in her profile?>>


First and foremost because guys don't really read profiles!

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