Kinder, Gentler Board...
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| Wed, 08-10-2005 - 3:51pm |
I've been seeing this phrase used in posts and I just wanted to clarify something (since I am probably one of the ones that is responsible for starting it all)...
I know we had a bit of an "issue" with some abusive posts... This does not mean that we now want the board to become stifled or restrictive in any way, shape or form. While we cannot defend any person who will abuse, belittle or make fun of a poster's issues, that does NOT mean you should bite your tongues to the point of not saying what you think.
Please, say what you mean and mean what you say. Do not bite your tongue or hold your thoughts. The beauty of this board is in its honesty. Just do all of it without being abusive. Personally, I do not want anyone to leave the board because they feel they cannot be heard. And I'm sure we all are in agreement on this. :)
I opened this post to your comments, concerns or questions so please feel free to reply.




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I miss those folks too. But a few posters a board does not make! I've been racking my brain and at the end of the day, it seems to me that we can't let a board fall apart because people choose to leave, you know what I mean? No one asked anyone to leave. No one wanted anyone to leave.
I guess it's sort of like life... ever changing, ever shifting. :)
I think we all have to work at making this the best board we can. So please, suggest away what will improve it.
And I miss talking to ya girlie!
One thing we could get back are specific discussion threads, not just waiting for questions to arrive. These were always interesting to me. And it is sure to shake things up a bit!
If things feel boring, I think it's because we're such old OLD dogs that it becomes tedious to hear newbie questions. I get the feeling sometimes that there's nothing new I will hear about OLD. Of course, someone is sure to come on board and surprise me.
amjay
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Sort of. But the dominant posters' personalities DO shape it a great deal.
I think we are in a state of stagnation because so many of the key players are gone. It's going to take time for the personalities that are here to mold the personality of the board. And it will be all new, and some people won't like it and will leave, and others will arrive and stay.
So the only advice I have is for people to toughen up a little bit - or even a lot. Some of the best advice on the boards is the hardest to hear. And sometimes it's delivered sarcasticly, or as a challenge, or with humor that not everyone gets or likes. Some posters are really good at cutting through the BS and people get defensive when that happens. SNAP OUT OF IT. It's a message board populated by people who are, for the most part, strangers.
I don't think there are any real tools that can make the board more fun or lively. We can't ever get that back, because those posters are gone. It's got to be an organic process, and whatever emerges is what it is.
CL-Truewild1969
For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;
Interestingly enough, I was put onto this by another former regular poster/fellow occasional lurker that many of you know and miss. We both found it interesting.
I figured I'd interject with my feelings and explain some reasons why I left. I felt I was never abusive or cruel in any of my posts. Straightforward, yes. However, when I got reamed by a poster who told me how I SHOULD have responded to her and exactly what I should have said when that’s not what I meant at all and the time I got my hand slapped by another poster (not a CM and it was not pulled) when I asked a pointed question to another regular poster about a recurring theme in his posts, I decided if I can’t be honest and say what I mean and ask what I want when it clearly doesn’t violate the TOS, why bother?
And although it started after I left, I also took personal offense at the “disclaimer”. I didn’t take it as a “hey, everyone can feel free to post whatever they like but just don’t attack people”. I took it as “everyone play nice cuz people haven't lately”. Maybe it wasn’t intended that way, but that’s the way I took it.
I miss the board the way it used to be too. I occasionally lurk to catch up on people but I also see the same questions over and over and don’t see many posts from the people that I miss most. It is not just lg that left, I never see JAHD post anymore, amjay’s, NWW’s, KITB’s, sisfox’s, CGUN’s, and eric’s posts are fewer. I get tired of hearing the same questions over and over and while it’s good to hear success stories, I have to admit it gets tiresome to hear how someone who just got rid of boyfriend number 5 has 10 more guys lined up a week later giving them flowers when all I get are winks from 50 year-old fat bald guys and ghosts. It usually doesn’t give me faith, it makes me wonder what is wrong with me and it’s frustrating.
So there you go. If that helps at all, I’m glad. If it offends someone, I’m sorry.
OMG-I can not believe that my disclaimer really offended anyone.
CL-Truewild1969
For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;
Sigh... this is why I debated whether or not to post my thoughts at all. They could be misinterpreted yet again. I never expected anyone to beg me or anyone else to come back. I also feel I have developed a very tough skin both from OLD and from this board. The event where a poster screamed at me about what I should have said to her calling me rude and cruel coincided with someone telling me what I should have not said to another poster although it did not violate the TOS and I was genuinely curious about something and also with LG and JH leaving. It seemed like a good time to take a break.
I can ignore the redundancy - I just don't read those posts. There was an attempt to do something about that but never went anywhere. I had found this board helpful and at times still do. But I don't feel I should be attacked and told what I should and shouldn't say by other posters when that is not what I meant to say, it is not offensive and it violates no rules of either the board nor of common courtesy.
Part of the reason I don't post as much anymore is that since I moved in June, I haven't had internet access at home.
I still lurk here periodically, but I'm definitely old school, like CGUN, lg, Vexer, Pianoguy and Sheri.
I just found that the board seemingly got very YOUNG. Not just newbies, but emotionally YOUNG. I mean, there is actually a thread titled "Does he really like me?" Is this eighth grade?
The last time I joined chat, it seemed as if the group knew each other personally somehow -- there were lots of inside, exclusionary jokes that sounded like everyone had been to a party together. It was just off-putting. JH and PG used to go out of their way to include everyone.
I'm actually an OLD success story (hopefully I won't jinx it now!!) -- going on just over five months with a great guy I met on Yahoo after two years online. So I might have a lot of good insight to offer... but we seem to be spending our time explaining to posters why it's a bad idea to IM someone for a year and a half before meeting.
JMHO... of course.
Tracy
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