? for the ladies - should I list income

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
? for the ladies - should I list income
20
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 7:10pm
Ok:
I'm a male on Match. Should I list my income ? (>150k). I don't care if I attract gold diggers - I can handle them. But would that scare off a quality girl, because it might make me look "insecure" ?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 10:19pm
I don't really care if a guy makes a lot of money but I would like him to make somewhat close to what I make and be able to support himself. I just know that it can sometimes become an issue if the woman makes a lot more money than the man and I'd rather avoid that if possible. But I am not a gold-digger nor do I want someone to support me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 10:31pm

I don't suppose I'll ever make the big bucks, given my field (office worker; soon to be part time college instructor), so I never have to think about it too much. I'm happy supporting myself and my daughter, living a simple life and doing the work I love. I've had boyfriends with money problems and it really sucks!

Working in a law office, I've come across quite a few cases where the income inequality really hurt the high earner once the poo-poo hit the fan. So people have a practical reason to choose a partner carefully, on top of everything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 11:30pm

I prefer not to list mine, either.

Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 11:37pm
I would want it listed as I do want to know someone is my equal and making at least close to what i make or more. I am not a golddigger but I just want to be sure we are equal w/ finances as I know finances is a number one reason for problems.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 1:07am

Welcome to the board Bill. Well, you have gotten many responses and various opinions. I don't think that listing your income in your profile will make you look insecure. You have to do what you feel is right.

I mainly like that a guy works and can support himself. So many people lie in their profiles about so many things, that when I see a high income I don't always believe it anyway. I have been interested in guys who list their incomes and others who haven't, as I feel it's their business what they make. So not listing your income would not deter me if I liked your profile and your picture.

What I get tired of are the guys who are way older than me (and I have stated in my profile my age range and they have disregarded this completely) and who try to impress me with listing their things they have accumulated, in their emails to me - like vacation homes, various high end cars, large boats, stocks, etc. I even had a guy who told me how much he would be inheriting as soon as his parents passed - ewwww. As soon as those guys start giving me a tally of their assets, I am not interested because I want them to be proud of themselves for the people they are and not feel that they have to impress me with the "things" they have purchased in life instead. I want a secure person.

The relationship is more important to me and them being a good person. Sure "stuff" is nice - but it's the insecurity I sense behind them having to almost brag about their stuff or income level that turns me off. I want them to pitch themselves for WHO they are, not WHAT they're worth! But listing the income in the profile isn't like what I have been talking about - this comes when they email or chat with you and list everything.

Good luck to you in your online dating and I hope that you come back to the board and participate in our discussions.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 11:19am
I'm with amjay & Michele.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 12:08pm

Honestly? I almost always doubt guys who list incomes in the 150+ range. Probably because 9 times out of 10, they appear to be illiterate when you read the rest of their profile.

Income doesn't matter much to me. If a guy is content with his work, and can pay his own way through life (isn't looking for a sugar mama), it's just not all that important to me.

Besides, I know so many guys in the 30-40k range who are debt free and own their own homes, and so many in the higher end who are in debt to their eyeballs, that actual income doesn't indicate anything about money attitudes IMO.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 1:23pm

Okay, now don't take this the wrong way, but...

>>I prefer not to list mine, either.<<
>>I will also use a guy's income as a filter, sometimes filtering out those that make less than I do.<<
>>I am sometimes a little dubious about guys that list a large income!<<
>>However, I would wonder about a guy that didn't list an income.<<

So let me see if I have this straight. :)

You don't list your own, but you use a guy's income as a filter.

He has to make as much or more than you do.

But you're also dubious if he makes a LOT of money.

And finally if he doesn't list anything at all (in other words, he does the same thing you do) you're also dubious.

Does this strike anyone else as slightly funny/ironic? :) I mean, sheesh- given that set of contradictory this-and-thats, how can ANY guy win? If he lists an income, it better be more than you, but not TOO much more. If he doesn't list an income, that's not cool either. Yet you don't put your own down...

Sigh. Sometimes I wonder that human beings are ever able to hook up with one another at all!

And yes, lstammy, I'm picking on you, but only a little bit- because each and every person here has at least SOMETHING like this that we're a little bit weird about. Including me. Heck, especially me! ;)

I think it's good food for thought- what is our individual little thing that we are somewhat "difficult" for someone to get past? Income? Height? Age? Profession? Clothing style?

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:12pm

>>Besides, I know so many guys in the 30-40k range who are debt free and own their own homes, and so many in the higher end who are in debt to their eyeballs, that actual income doesn't indicate anything about money attitudes IMO.<<

EXACTLY. This is why I don't pay too much attention to income. The only time it catches my eye is if they've checked $25k or less... because if that was my income, the correct answer would be "I'll tell you later"!! But I still wouldn't hold it against someone because it's just a number. Just like there are some really childish 40-somethings and some very wise & mature 20-somethings.

I've dated 2 guys through OLD. The first made supposedly over $150k last year, has a lavishly decorated condo, drives a Jaguar, well dressed etc... and *freaked*out* when he had to make a $400 car repair because he's so far in debt & has very little cash available. Sad. Then the next guy makes about $50k, rents a little 1-bedroom apartment, drives a Saturn, is working on paying off credit cards, college loans, car payments AND building up an emergency cash fund, and aims to be debt free next year.

So whether you list your income on your profile is just a matter of how YOU feel about the pros and cons of it. I think how you manage your money is WAY more important than how much you make and you'll demonstrate it in the natural course of getting to know someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 7:48pm
No, don't list your income. I think money is a very private matter.

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