Ladies: What is an opening email that works?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Ladies: What is an opening email that works?
4
Sat, 04-27-2013 - 8:40pm

I'm back in the online dating scene after a lengthy (3 years) relationship and seem like a total novice.  Ive been writing emails instead of winks b/c i understand women prefer, but very little response back.  Ive been told my messages are too long (which i agree) and give away too much info at once.  

What kind of message do women find intriguing?  Something brief like "hi, i like your profile, write me back"?  Do i ask specific questions related to their profile??? How much detail do i give about myself?

I want to show interest without sounding like a jerk, but also not bore them to death.

Help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 04-27-2013 - 10:39pm

What kind of message do women find intriguing?  Something brief like "hi, i like your profile, write me back"?  Do i ask specific questions related to their profile??? How much detail do i give about myself?

While people in general do not want your life story since birth, "I like your profile, write me back" seems like you are not putting any effort in reading their profile and finding out what you may have in common.   For example, if she put down road biking as one of her hobbies, and if you happen to like bike riding, or just watching the Tour de France, it seems more sincere to say, "I noticed that you are an avid road biker.  I enjoy riding myself and love watching the Tour de France.  Would you like to chat"?  Or if you don't like road biking, but you love swimming, then something alone the line, "I noticed you are an avid road biker.  While I am not a rider, I enjoy swimming and I am fit.  I think if would be fun if we could chat about why and how we choose our sports/hobbies"? 

Remember, the first email is a "teaser".  You don't give them a biography, just a brief resume.  And just like a job interview, only pertinent information.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 11:06am

Good advice from previous poster.

First of all, if you have a lot of information in your profile, there's no need to send all of that again in a first email. She can just read your profile. I personally like an informative profile, but one that is neither too long or short, perhaps 5 medium sized paragraphs. 

It's important that she knows you actually read her profile, so she'll want to know what in particular made you interested enough to write. I'd tread lightly when it comes to commenting on her looks--I personally get uncomfortable when a man writes "I find you very attractive." But that's me.

Keep it light: you want her to think you'll be fun to meet. And that's the whole point: meet as soon as possible. I'd say a good rule of thumb to follow is in 3 to 5 emails, ask if she'd like to meet. Don't try to start a relationship with her through email. When you meet, keep it casual--coffee or drinks. I don't even like to talk on the phone first, I'd just rather go ahead and meet if I'm enjoying the email exchange, but plenty of women will want to talk to you before they meet you. Offer your phone number. If she wants to talk, she'll either call you or offer hers. Many women want you to make the first call and to request meeting. 

And please don't say, "Ask me anything." That's what your profile is for. And it's OK to be a little flirty and teasing in your emails, just don't overdo it.

But I'd keep your initial email brief: say enough, then shut up. And finally, in spite of all your best efforts, online dating is tough for men. I hear they have to contact something like 50 women to get one response, so you must have a very thick skin and persevere. And it doesn't hurt to have good photos--women are very visual too. But don't post 25 photos. Just three nice photos should do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 11:28am

I agree with the others.  IF a guy just says something very generic, I feel like he hasn't read my profile & is probably contacting 100 women hoping one says hi back.  I like it if a guy refers to something specific that he read and says something about why he thinks we should chat, like "I am also a Patriots fan" or "I like ballroom dancing also--what is your favorite dance?"  I really hope you aren't starting off by saying that you just got out of a 3 yr relationship cause most women will avoid you like the plague--no one wants to date a guy who is just out of a long relationship--we feel like it's going to be a rebound or he might go back to that women if is hasn't been over too long.  So don't put in any "woe is me" type stories about how your relationship didn't work out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 9:14pm
Lol! No, I'm not say I just got out of a relationship. Thats a bit tacky I agree. Looking back, my emails were definately long winded. I need to tighten them up.