Ladies....please be careful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Ladies....please be careful.
Fri, 07-10-2009 - 3:25pm

I have only been around here in ivillage for a couple months now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 07-12-2009 - 4:36pm
and I think we have all been guilty of sleeping with someone maybe too soon.

Actually, I haven't slept with my boyfriend (who I met online) and won't unless we get married.

But good warning. I'm sorry this happened to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Sun, 07-12-2009 - 11:08pm

and I think we have all been guilty of sleeping with someone maybe too soon.
Actually, I haven't slept with my boyfriend (who I met online) and won't unless we get married.

That was

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 07-12-2009 - 11:19pm

It wasn't intended to be nasty. I'm sorry you took it that way. I just wanted to clarify that not all of us are sleeping with the men w meet online, as she said.

Again, I'm sorry it happened to the OP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 10:51am

I'm not a virgin myself but I have slept with very few men in my 48 years of life. However, I did regret sleeping with the 2nd one. I did it much too early in the relationship and although I did not catch an STD, I still feel badly that I let myself get caught up way too soon. The guy was bad news and didn't deserve my time or attention. You live and learn.

I think this thread can serve as a wake-up call to anyone dating (online or otherwise) to remember that STD's should be discussed before you have sex. If there is a question about it, then they should be tested. Otherwise, YES, a condom should be used. Maybe OP wasn't worried about pregnancy. That was what I thought her post would end up being about. And while it seems that men are never questioned as to how many partners they've had, it's always a question that comes up when a woman's reputation is being talked about. All it takes is ONE person to pass on something like this and that is one person who should not be out spreading their disease on to others. Be careful and be safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 12:16pm


I am genuinely sorry to hear what happened to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 5:42pm


I have to commend you for bringing your story here and letting it be

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 11:00pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 5:02am

A few things, for what it's worth...

Herpes isn't the end of the world. It's not even close. It doesn't kill you and often can be quite manageable. People live with far more deadly, worse diseases and have perfectly normal relationships, so don't sweat the big H too much.

It's random. You can get/spread herpes even WITH condom useage. You can get/spread it when you don't have any sores. You can get either type (the modern way to refer to herpes is "type 1" and "type 2", not "oral" and "genital") in either spot (face or genital).

And you can have a relationship with someone and never give it to them. I lived with a gal for five years who had type 1 herpes and I never got it, even though she had outbreaks occasionally.

You're absolutely right- who you are has nothing to do with how likely you are to catch it. And it's way more than 25% that has herpes; it's something like 80%, assuming you include type 1.

But it's all wise advice in terms of going easy and using precautions until we're A) checked and healthy, and B) monogamous.

So many of us go hog wild at first when we're freshly single for whatever reason- I know I did. And we do unwise things. That's why we need a good, honest talking-to from our friends on a regular basis!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 6:09am

HJINTY, good reality check.

I've had "the big H" for nearly 30 years. It is NOT a big deal, really, though the first outbreak can be quite painful, and I do hope the OP got some good advice on dealing with it. My advice is to take ibuprofen and swab the area with a little witch hazel. It's important to have your own routine to deal with it, and stress can be a trigger. I know, that probably belongs on the STD board.

I was married 14 years and never gave it to my husband. You can actually learn a lot about a potential partner by how they respond to "the talk," which admittedly is difficult. My then-boyfriend, later husband, just looked at me, scared silly of what his reaction would be (more than 20 yrs ago), and said, "Can we go to dinner now?" My current bf said, "Well, you're more honest than my ex wife." It turned out she hadn't told him at all, he learned in the delivery room when they were having their first child!

My point is not that it's okay to be unprotected and careless ... just that this particular issue isn't the end of the world. HJNITY is correct about the % of the population ... The odds are most of us have been with someone who has herpes but didn't know it. And the proportion of people who carry the virus and don't know it just proves how much of a problem it ISN'T. Honestly, I've had paper cuts that caused me more trouble.