Lady and the Tramp

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2013
Lady and the Tramp
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 4:00pm

So what I really want to know is when exactly are you meant to be thinking am I ever going to find Love?

I ask because I am a 20 something female, single, living on my own, never been in a long term relationship and find myself in constant situations where I am asked, "Will you ever start dating?" Will you ever have children?" "Will you ever get married?" And I can assure you, that I am probably not the only single person in the country who constantly gets asked these questions, and from time to time us singles often want to vomit in our own sick because it's not as if we are running away from these circumstances which often married people/people in a long term relationship question..Make sense? 

So for inspiration for this article I took to the dating websites...Oh yes, the websites which make you question should I or should I not. These websites often promote that they can guarantee to find you love and I am sure they can but not for all. Yes I am one of those few women who are 100% fussy- "Below 5'5? NO. Smoker? NO. Children? NO. Student? Retired? Married? NO NO NO NO! How can I put this....I want something special! Although I have not been on these sites for long, I questions whether they work for someone like me. I mean, don’t we all prefer the old school traditional route? "Hi, My name is so and so, would you like to go for coffee with me?" Or is the new method of sending 'winks', 'pokes' and maybe even a virtual kiss the new way to date? If so, maybe I am out of the game.

Often us singles get made to feel that we are not putting ourselves in circumstances to be chased...yes we are now talking Lady and the Tramp...but what if we are? And yet, what if Love still does not arrive? Do we wait? Do we question? Because I guarantee you, we were not questioning ourselves before we were being questioned by the others.

S xo

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 4:17pm

   Why be chased at all?  All that these people are doing has nothing to do with you and a lot to do with them.  People like to be vindicated and justified in their decisions.  You are free to have a career make money determine your future.  Be careful because people also like shared misery.  Women tend to get these rude comments more than men.  Just saying" how rude" may have the desired result.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 8:33pm

First of all, I think you should stop caring what other people think.  If people ask you something like "when will you get married?" you should just brush them off or say something like "well I can't predict the future--can you?"  Make them see how stupid their questions are.  Or you could use the opportunity to say "I'd like to meet a nice guy--do you know anyone?"  I'd say that for someone your age, there are plenty of opportunities to meet single people besides dating sites--although that works for some.  I don't think your qualifications sound picky at all but it still doesn't guarantee finding someone.  A lot of it is just luck I think.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 01-02-2013 - 2:25pm

Being still in your 20s, I would not push the panic button quite yet. Plenty of time to find love in your life.There are always going to be rude and insensitive people who ask questions about your dating life, love life.

You are being picky. Good for you! Too often people settle, in their rush to get married. They overlook and ignore. They sweep under the rug bury their head in the sand. Look around you, divorce is everywhere. Why not be sure the first time, or at least as sure as you can be.

I think the old school asking one out on a date is still valid. I think perhaps what has changed is people in general had more time and opportunity in decades past to meet others, whether at dances, etc. Nothing wrong with meeting someone at work. Online dating works, it can just be incredibly frusrating at times to wade through all the crap.

Trust me, there are plenty of women who would be jealous of your situation. Young and single with any and every opportunity for you to choose from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 01-02-2013 - 5:20pm

Call me negative but I put my 4 deal breakers 'out there' on my dating site profile. I wanted to save everyone time and the small percentage of women that still contacted me after reading them were glad that I did. The 4 categories were religion, sex, health, and being ready for the next relationship (over the previous).