late?
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| Thu, 09-29-2005 - 7:56pm |
Just curious what you guys think....
Had a first meet with someone tonight at 7pm - waited until 7:15 and then left (no call).
As I'm walking to my car, I run into him and he recognized me. I was like - oh I was just leaving I don't wait more than 15 minutes for someone. And he's like sorry I was coming from work - so we turn around and I'm kinda feeling weird and he's like "do you want to go home?" And on instinct I'm like "yeah, I would - I'm sorry I just don't think we'd be a match"
I already had some concerns about him - 39 and just out of 5 year relationship this past summer - rebound?) But I'm curious - do you guys have standards regarding the first meet? Would you wait longer than 15 minutes with no call?
I've had about 15 meets online dating and I'd never had this happen - the latest someone has been was less than 10 minutes or they would call well before the meeting time to tell me they were running late.
What do you think? -R

Hi R,
I'm with you.. I personally have an issue when dates show up late without a call. I think using the 15 or 20 minute rule is good. College professors are held to that same standard, so to me holding a date to the same is ok.
I'm not certain if after I bumped into him that I wouldn't see what he's about. But if your guts told you to not to, then trust that.
Thank you for your response! At that point I felt like I'd been stood up so I was a little negative - he's since sent me an email apology - letting me know that he declined a Red Sox game to keep committment to me (very generous of him!) so we're definitely not a match
My attitude is - part of living with integrity is keeping commitments even if you don't want to! I'm tough about this - but I never cancel plans unless it's serious - not just because something betters come up! -R
100% with you... however... it says a lot that he didn't just drop it and emailed to apologize. I'm with you, integrity is sooooooo important. But we also have to remember that to be human is to err. And err. And err again. LOL
Did he ask for a second chance?
Only since you asked for my opinion -- I think you totally overreacted. Sometimes sh*t happens and one is late, especially coming from work or school. I say this as an A-Type where time is concerned. I work hard at cutting slack for people.
But then, you say you weren't really interested anyway, so I guess it works out for you okay.
That is a tough one...you might give him another chance if there is an interest. Being on time is huge to me, and I really never gave it too much thought. My BF and I usually work with a window of time. We live about 75 minutes away from each other, so it is tough to say we will be somewhere and be punctual...especially since traffic around here is very unpredictable.
But an example I will share with you is a date that I had back in 1994 (No, it's not a grudge!) My date was a half hour late. I wish I took that as a red flag then. I didn't. We were together for way too many years of my life. I did get my darling daughter out of it. But now when it is his time to bring her home he is never less that 35 minutes late. The most resent was 3 hours late and no phone call until they were already 2 1/2 hours late.
So, my moral is...watch the time and if he does it again it is probably in his personality. It sounds like it would be a dealbreaker for you, but with traffic and everything else, it is very well possible that it could have been a fluke. Of course, he probably knew he was running late atleast 15 minutes before he was expected and therefore could have called...unless he didn't have your number on him. (I am really bad about giving someone the benefit of the doubt).
Good luck with what you decide.
After my gut instinct thread, I say you go with yours... it's probably going to be right for you.