Lessons learned this week...
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Lessons learned this week...
| Thu, 12-08-2005 - 1:01am |
Two posters' messages affected me this week (and mind you, if I'm not quoting verbatim, excuse me):
First, Sheri posted and basically said how we all are going through our individual challenges here. Whereas one thinks a challenge is not contacting a person, for another it's a challenge to go outside of one's boundaries...
The second

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Yes, not to keep harping on the food/dating analogy, but if I met a man who compared selecting dating partners to ordering food from a menu, I would run away, fast and tell all my friends to stay away too.
Maybe on some level going on first time dates is like taking test drives, but there is so much more to it than that. To me, all dates carry with it the idea that I'm checking the person out to see if there is any romantic potential, and romance is laden with all kinds of feelings and emotions. Maybe this makes me among the lesser evolved on the board, but my feelings/gut/intuition (versus my rational faculties) are powerful, don't always make sense, and sometimes override my better judgment.
Anyway, if there's anything I learned this week it's that my feelings and emotions around sex and relationships are much more powerful and complicated than I've been willing to acknowledge until very recently.
>and dating isnt complicated really, it is
>the emotions. we analyze things to death sometimes.
Well said nicki. You get it.
I agree it's difficult, and it's also complicated.
Uh, I'd pick another entree...if I "desperately" wanted something that wasn't on the menu, I wouldn't have gone there in the first place ;-).
I don't think this analogy fits at all. I don't know *why* emotional attachment makes things more complicated, it just DOES.
Sheri
Oh, lordy, dating is so NOT fun!!!!
I only do it because there's no other way to find a relationship, and that's something I want. It's a necessary evil...not "fun". And to clarify, it's not that I don't have fun on dates...but the whole process of making small talk with strangers, answering questions about your life, asking questions about his...over and over and over again...SO not my idea of "fun". There are many things I'd rather be doing than dating...but those things won't get me what I want (a relationship) so I do it and I make the best of it and keep a positive attitude...but "fun"? No.
We've had this discussion before on this board, and I'm glad there are some people for whom this torture is fun, but I'm not one of them!
Sheri
It can be fun depending on what your objective is. It's fun dating someone you're really into isn't it?
On the whole topic of food/complicated/simple, I think this represents differences in philosophies with respect to relationships. My experience has been the opposite of Hal's. I've never had a simple (i.e., easy) relationship. Even my friendships aren't simple, and the ones that DIDN'T require work, clearing up misunderstandings and having open, sometimes difficult, communication, were the most superficial and fleeting. My most rewarding and long-lasting relationships in my life are the ones that have survived hard times and misunderstandings.
This is where I ultimately want to be with a man. I want to feel the attraction and euphoria, but I also want to build something solid, based on having things in common, but also the knowledge that we can rely on each other and endure difficult times together without one of us bailing. For me, it would only be at this point that I'd feel a sense of simplicity and certitude--it's never happened to me yet. Maybe this makes me naive, but this is the idea I carry with me into each new relationship.
Determining whether someone is emotionally healthy, physically and emotionally
>Uh, I'd pick another entree...if I "desperately"
>wanted something that wasn't on the menu, I
>wouldn't have gone there in the first place ;-).
Fair enough, but what if the restaurant lied just to get you inside? The waiter shows you to your table and says he will be back in 5 minutes to take your order. 30 minutes later he still hasn't showed. You get his attention again and he walks over and apologises and explains that he has been very busy and didn't get a chance to come over. You tell him you are unhappy about the service. He promises it won't happen again and takes your order. You wait...and wait...and wait...but your meal still hasn't been served. You call the manager over and complain about the service. The manager apologises and calls the waiter over and demands an explanation. The waiter apologises again and explains that he has been so busy he forgot to give your order to the chef. Due to the inconvenience the manager offers to give you a free entree, the very one you wanted. You wait...and...wait...buy your meal doesn't arrive. You call the manager over and demand an explanation so he calls the chef over. The chef explains that he did have your order but he lost it somewhere. By this time you are starving and infuriated and demand to have your entree in a doggy bag so you can leave. The manager tells you they don't have any of that entree left.
Would you ever go to that restaurant again?
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