Lessons learned this week...
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Lessons learned this week...
| Thu, 12-08-2005 - 1:01am |
Two posters' messages affected me this week (and mind you, if I'm not quoting verbatim, excuse me):
First, Sheri posted and basically said how we all are going through our individual challenges here. Whereas one thinks a challenge is not contacting a person, for another it's a challenge to go outside of one's boundaries...
The second

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I didn’t realise that there would be so many different ways to interpret “dating”.
You write: "Ok, dating. I started dating this really great guy. Things are going super well. I really like him. We talk every day, usually more than once. We email back and forth. We've invested some time getting to know each other on the phone and in person. We seem compatible and capable of having an emotionally healthy relationship, at least so far. Much of this is simple, easy and uncomplicated."
So we agree that dating isn't complicated.
You write: "However, trying to evaluate how I feel, whether this is the right person, whether I'm doing this for the right reason (given my complicated past and history of unhealthy relationships), whether things are moving too fast... these things are complicated. I'm not analyzing it to death, I'm just unsure, nervous, excited and happy, all at the same time."
Is this dating or psychology?
What do you mean is it psychology?
I'm dating, trying to determine if I want a relationship.
I don't think we are comparing apples to oranges. I think people are using "Dating" to describe the wrong thing.
Let me use food as an analogy again (I know deep down you all enjoy it).
If I said eating isn't complicated, if it is there is something fundamentally wrong. It would be wrong (IMO) to argue that eating is complicated because you need to understand diet, nutrition, digestion and metabolism. You don't because eating is simply putting food in your mouth, chewing and swallowing it.
Back to dating:
Is it the psychological process of introspecting or an engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest?
You and this food! You're going to make me hungry. LOL
But
>What is your purpose in dating?
Shouldn't everyone’s "purpose" be the same?
Anyway, no point trying to reinvent the wheel. This article sums up my sentiment.
http://www.alivewithlove.com/dating/purpose.html
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But what I've noticed is that way too often, people get involved and immediately try to force the other person into being their image of what a partner is supposed to be. They ignore red flags, bad behavior, incompatibilities, and try to change the person instead of realizing that this is not the right person for them. Dating is a selection process. The problem is that most people don't have a clear idea of what they're looking for. That's why it's important to make a list of qualities that you're looking for. Then, when a person falls short of matching that list, it's important to say, "Next." It doesn't mean that you or that person are bad or unlovable, it simply means that you're not right for each other. But for some reason, that's hard for a lot of people to admit.
It's important to keep some objectivity and some distance in the beginning, so we can make intelligent observations. That's why I don't recommend people don't have sex during the early phase of discovery. Sex complicates things and causes the rational side of a person to get fuzzy and the conviction to stick to the list to get weak. That's not good for either person. It's unfair to waste each other's time and emotional energy when most people know (even though they won't admit it) that the person is wrong within the first or second date.
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THIS is what I mean when I say a fundamental problem exists if dating is complicated.
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