Let's talk about dealbreakers

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Let's talk about dealbreakers
19
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 1:35pm

Let's talk about dealbreakers in dating/relationships. There are different levels of dealbreakers which I will divide into

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 5:22pm

Absolute Dealbreakers: Criminal record, abusive, married, racist, homophobic.


Debateable Dealbreakers: Religious beliefs that differ from mine, divorced for less than one year, doesn't want kids, doesn't want to get married, not comfortable with showing affection.


Negotiable Dealbreakers: Has kids, shy, likes to drink and party, conservative political views


Picky Dealbreakers: Too prim/proper, too heavy or too skinny, no sense of fashion, doesn't watch t.v., gym rat or sports fanatic, too old.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 8:50pm

CL-jhoover, this is a fun list, similar to one I often write up myself. I tell you, it's a good thing you and I are not in the same city, or we'd be competing for the same men (okay, not really, as mine would be older than yours)--but you really have nailed my list!

I also added some items after reading other people's lists.

Absolute Dealbreakers: Unkindness, prejudice, smoking. Hunters, fat men (sorry).

Debatable dealbreakers: Carnivorous eating habits, low intelligence, conservative political views, dislike (or allergies to) cats, dislike of travel.
In other words, I want a vegetarian, smart, liberal man who likes cats and travel.

Negotiable dealbreakers: Kids, lack of steady employment, height, lack of reading or dancing or hair.
In other words, I want someone without ties to children, with a job, taller than me if possible, who likes to read and dance and is not bald.

Picky, picky: It would be hard for me to fall for a guy who was really into watching sports or who liked totally different music than I do.

My current non-boyfriend (we decided we can't yet be FWB, so we are "snuggle-buddies') is tall, sexy (I think), has some hair left, is younger than me, lacks steady income (alas), is kind and smart and not a Republican; I might be able to get him to dance and travel. But I am not in love with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 9:26pm
Sounds like a fun list. Heres mine:
Absolute Dealbreakers: Married. Abusive in any fashion. Jail time. Drunkeness. Unemployed.
Debatable Dealbreakers: Smokers: have asthmatic kids. Must have a personal relationship with God. Any man shorter than I at 5'4'(X was 2in shorter). Or over 300lbs.An X-wife that doesn't realize that she's an X . No sense of humour.piercings.
Negotiable Dealbreaker: Social drinking i.e wine with dinner. Sports freaks; have no intention of being a "sports widow".Kids or not. Biker. tattoos
Picky Dealbreakers: 6ft and over,just love tall men, muscular,rugged looking men, oh yeah, give me a cowboy and save those horses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 10:05pm

This one I really had to think about...ouch...lol.

Absolute dealbreakers: not single, no job, no manners

Debatable dealbreakers: no height, no weight, no smarts, no bike, different race, no love of animals, distance, lifestyle differences (a homebody and I would not mesh)

Negotiable dealbreakers: different religion (this may also be included above depending on which one), wants kids/doesn't want kids (I'm not sure yet and I want to have either choice - soon I may no longer have this option), doesn't want to get married (I do but I find myself leaning less towards it), not into health & fitness

Picky: no facial hair, listens to gospel or new age, walks like a girl, isn't into sports, doesn't play pool, talks like a girl, icky hands, is a butt kisser (hate that)

I had to keep reading the definitions over and over and move lines from one area to the next. I'm not the coldest beer in the fridge! I was thinking that if I had the recipe I wanted in a guy down to my picky dealbreakers - like he had everything going for him and then had a geeky voice - I'd still have a tough time keeping it going...lol. Isn't that horrible?

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 10:07pm

Hi PHX,

I am a 'Home Girl' and Bush is a 'Home Boy', for we Texans, so "'nuff said" there!

I really do not mind if people choose to smoke, I have 3 friends who smoke as you do, and two more who only smoke when they drink. I agree that is is a personal choice and do not fault them for that, in any way, as they do not me, for my preferences. Like I say, it is Your planet, so You get to Rule! I just cannot kiss a man who has been smoking cigarettes! Of course, so far, I have met only two I wanted to Even kiss, so I guess I might be able to let up on that rule, but a girl can dream.....

How about a poll to see who has gone the "longest without" lately? Sadly, I might win!Lol! Oh well, Still gotta say I have a good life!:)

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 10:17pm

Hi Lisa,

What is SO great about this, topic and replies, is that we all have Free Speech and the ability and Right to express our wants/needs/feelings...man, I love the U.S.A.!!!!! And no, you are not 'awful' or 'picky', man I could get down on it with some more little idiosyncracies I would have to learn to live with, such as " a man who did not take out the trash, as I feel it is a man's job each night, before bed, so you don't get bugs, this is Texas, Amen."

I keep wanting to add to my list, everyone is coming up with such great "Oh...Yeah"s! Mainly, it gives us the idea that, while we might have our preferences, I think that:
Integrity
Kindness
Humanity
Intelligence
Heart (and all that implies!)
Honesty

...and minimal tattoos and most of his/her own teeth, of course...

seem to be basic on Everyone's list, and I see in our weekly posts that some of those Very important things are what we find lacking in our 'dates', so far!

Gotta be a decent "rock" out there somewhere, so we gotta Roll On!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 2:17am

>>Well... without going into too much detail, I just haven't found that perfect happy medium yet.<<

That's because you haven't met me in person yet. (waggles eyebrows)

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 10:39am
Send a picture first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 1:31pm

Well, this is fun!!

Absolute Dealbreakers: angry, not-yet divorced, racist, dumb, not gainfully employed, multiple-partner bonker, anti-condom.

Debatable Dealbreakers: over 50, still fighting with ex (this can be fixed, with helpful hints from yours truly; if not -- buh buy), ugly (can't be fixed, but personality adds beauty. I'm actually quite gorgeous once you get to know me), children with more than one woman, unaffectionate.

Negotiable Dealbreakers: low sex drive, poet (I'm serious -- they don't know how to speak in plain language!), watches/participates in sports more than twice a week.

Picky Dealbreakers: looks, again.

***

All the above to state: SWF seeks cheerful, kind, unattached male.

amjay

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