Listing your "ethnic" preferences

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Listing your "ethnic" preferences
12
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 4:59am

We've seen the choices available when doing Match.com searches. You know, the "Caucasian", "Latino/hispanic", "Asian", etc checked box selections...

But say you're in a different venue, such as CL, that requires you to write your own original text. Have you included mention of your preference for a white, asian, black mate etc? A lot of people do it. Heck, most of us can't help who we are attracted to race-wise. But is this really in poor taste?

I ask this, because in a recent ad, I listed my preference for dating a caucasian male. Benign request? apparently not. Someone found it rather offensive and took the time to shoot me an angry email. And that's okay, I mean, he's certainly entitled to his opinion. But oddly enough, this guy proceeds to mention his own aversion to dating white girls! (acceptable, only because he would never *say* so in an ad).

According to him, I should just "ignore the men you're not interested in".

My initial intent was simple: Less sifting. It's no mystery women receive a lot of emails, and I don't like the idea of wasting someone's time. As many of us know, some folks really put a lot of energy into that first email. So why encourage the masses? That's just my opinion anyway.


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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 1:57pm

oh my... for anyone to suggest that posting your racial preference is "in poor taste" on CRAIGSLIST?!?! they obviously haven't looked at the rest of the CL personals!!!


In all seriousness though, I say if you have a preference, by all means state it. "Seeking SWM" should suffice... if you elaborated further than that, depending on your phrasing it's possible you could offend someone. Really though if they don't like it that's their problem, not yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 2:37pm

Good grief!

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 3:15pm

Thankfully, my profiles are now hidden on both dating sites, but I found it interesting when I was active, that once in a while a profile from a "Black" guy would slip through to my in box or matches. To me, that is a simple weeding out process. No, we can't help who we're attracted to, and I sort of view that like wanting a non-smoker or smoker. It's usually a dealbreaker on some of those issues, although I got so I was not as strict about not wanting a smoker after a while.

To me, you shouldn't have to apologize on the race issue--that is a personal preference that is non-negotiable in my opinion. For some people, mixed relationships work, but I would not travel down that road myself. Too many obstacles, prejudices, and difficulties that you could avoid by staying within a racial category.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 5:42pm

You know, every time I post on CL, I specify white or Latino. I ALWAYS get blasted for it.

The thing you have to remember on things like CL, is that SOMEONE will always take offense to something you say in your ad. It doesn't matter - the ease of CL lets anyone with a computer spew whatever they want at whomever they want. Don't worry about it. Personally, I'd much rather read and ad from a guy only looking for a black woman than to email him and then find out.







iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 5:45pm
Why on earth if I specifically say in my profile that I am looking for someone local would I want to start dating someone who lives in Florida but is kinda, sorta thinking of moving to Dallas in a year???


Yes, and local does NOT mean Waco or Ardmore! I think I'm going to have to start adding that to my CL ads.







iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 5:53pm
What's the point?
heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 6:17pm

I don't think it's in poor taste at all. As everyone else here has said, we cannot help who we are attracted to. Unfortunately, I take a lot of grief because I am a Caucasian female who prefers to date black men. You better believe I take a lot of hate from white guys. However, I'm not a racist person, and believe that race is simply the same as facial hair, or weight preferences. I am attracted to black men for their features and skin tone.
I think we put too much time and energy worrying about what is "proper" and what isn't on OLD. I guess I figure if the relationship (of whatever form) is meant to be, it will just BE. That doesn't mean to be completely rude to people or not put effort into it, but if someone has issues with my preferences, obviously they are not the one I want to date, and they probably have issues with THEMSELVES!

M


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 7:28pm

this can be tricky!
I would not mind dating from any race but I hate the ones who put tell you later!
Are they embarrassed of their own race. And sometimes , it is obvious the guy is Caucasian, African, Asian, Hispanic... and still they say I tell you later.
I m also cautious about the ones who chose other when the site lists 22 ethnicities including mixed race or the ones who lie about their race and pretend it was a mistake in selecting the right entry.
Personally, I prefer dark skinned men not matter if they are black or white with tan or Asians.... So far, with all my openness to dating from other races, I cant find one decent guy!! let alone with a restriction on the races.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 7:59pm
 
 
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 11:24pm

lol.... I hate the word 'caucasian' - as if it was politically incorrect to just say I'm "white"? Actually it's just plain inaccurate, as I am of Western European ancestry, not Caucasian. The word derives from the region known as the Caucasus or Caucasia... see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caucasia

Thus endeth my pedantry for today. ;)

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