A little confused about a post-date situ
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| Tue, 02-14-2006 - 8:29pm |
Hey all, I had a nice date with a girl this past weekend BUT I had a little too much to drink and pushed the affection thing, i.e. kissing a little too far probably. Worse, I suggested we venture back to my place. We got along great though but she said in one of her emails since that it made her uncomfortable. I'll directly quote it:
"I'm not going to say you offended me but I was not prepared for you moving so fast when we just met. I'm not sure if you remember what I'm talking about but it did make me feel a little uncomfortable. You are a really sweet guy and I hope it was the drinks. It has just taken me a day or two to recover. I'll keep in touch but I really think we need to just be friends right now. I hope you understand.
Elizabeth"
My response was:
"You know, I was a little embarassed the next day and that's why I've beeen, more or less, checking to see if things were OK. I was feeling affectionate and a little emboldened (alright, downright buzzed) by the drinks and I pushed the kissing more than I should have. So, I'm sorry.
I definitely think you are an interesting person and I'm not playing games. If we get together again (which I hope) I think something like a movie or another lowkey activity would be nice. And, despite how things ended that evening I'm glad you still see me for the person I try to be.
Does that sound OK?
John"
We've had brief exchanges since but I'm unsure how to go about this further right now (obviously I'm interested in her).
The last email to her said something along the lines of I hope my email explained myself OK and that I'm planning on skiing this w/e, etc. Her reply was:
"It did make sense and thanks. I've really been busy these past two days. I really just don't feel very good. I think I'm starting to run a fever. I'm going straight to bed tonight. I was going to visit my parents but that is not happening. I might even leave a few mintues early tonight. I hope you have fun this weekend skiing. Talk to you later.
Liz."
What do you make of this? Should I just give her time and leave her alone for awhile? She's never signed off with her shortened name - obviously I'm overanalyzing...
I really like this girl and think there could be potential. What's the best way to handle it? Write it off as my inconsiderate behavior and move on or be the nice guy that I am see what happens?
Sorry this was so long.
John

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I'm not going to say you offended me but I was not prepared for you moving so fast when we just met. I'm not sure if you remember what I'm talking about but it did make me feel a little uncomfortable. You are a really sweet guy and I hope it was the drinks. It has just taken me a day or two to recover. I'll keep in touch but I really think we need to just be friends right now. I hope you understand.
HELLO!?!?..Reread this email she sent you.....
Girl speak...after== is what means in English(sometimes there are several meanings in actual English)
Coppy and pasted from up above email she sent*****WORD FOR WORD**** then translated:
I'm not going to say you offended me==She has done whatever you guys did in a sexual frame before with other guys./She is familiar with situation/Likes doing this with other guys.
But==bad
I was not prepared for you moving so fast==I didnt want to get sexual with you then,you were pushy/acting desperate.
we just met==I just met you/I dont know you/I am not comfortable with you/I am unsure of you.
I'm not sure if you remember what I'm talking about== I tried to forget about it/I hope You forgot about it/Dont tell my friends/I hope no one I know saw us making out.
But==bad
it did make me feel == She is trying to speak English here/Trying to MAKE A BIG POINT/YOU BETTER LISTEN TO WHAT I AM TRYING TO COMMUNICATE TO YOU/Whatever I say next is the MOST IMPORTANT THING REGARDLESS OF ANYTHING ELSE.
a little uncomfortable== VERY BAD/Uncomfortable with you/bad decision/your fault/Regretfull
You are a really sweet guy== Trying To Stroke your Ego,Before the bomb drops/Preparing you for the worst.
and I hope it was the drinks== I hope you are not like that all the time/I am not like that untill I get tipsy/Out of the norm for me/I should not have lead you onto me/I am only sluty when I get tipsy.
It has just taken me a day or two to recover.== I REGRET IT/I hope that never happens again/It was a bad experience for me/wasted energy and then I changed my mind and was not worth it.
I'll keep in touch ==I NEED SPACE/go away/leave me alone/your not high on my priority list.
but==Bad
I really think ==Trying to speak English/what I am going to do/what I want to do/WHAT I SAY NEXT IS IMPORTANT TO ME
we need to just be friends right now.== NO SEX/I dont see you as My Boyfriend/I dont want you as a BOYFRIEND/I am trying to let you down easy.
I hope you understand==I hope I spoke enough English that you get my point/Its your fault/Too bad,I want something else/GET IT/COMPRENDE/HAS IT SUNK INTO YOU PRIMATIVE MALE BRAIN YET?
"da-Nile"
Its not just a river.
Its a great thing man,Think about it.There are 5 billion people on the planet and half of them are Women...One down,lots to go..Its the best thing that ever happend to you.
P.S. I can translate for guy speak too,But most ==I wanna have sex with you.
I agree with previous posters -- please CALL to ask her out. It shows a lot more respect and effort, in my opinion.
I also agree that you spooked her. Her e-mail about not feeling well and being really busy implies that she's overwhelmed right now, and you likely added to that feeling and she probably needs some time to chill out a bit. So, I'd say maybe send one e-mail, but no more than that or she will feel pressured by it. Then, call early next week to set up a date for next weekend.
I think e-mail and IM have sort of lulled us into thinking we don't need to court each other anymore. After one date, there's no reason you should feel the need to e-mail her or IM her constantly. It will mean more if you call and ask her out for a real date. Then, take the time to get to know her on that date.
For that date, make it clear you will be going somewhere public - like a restaurant. Then maybe go out for coffee after. Make her feel like you're not expecting to take it back to her home or yours.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
If she wants me to go away so badly why does answer every email and always include some sort of message about future communication? She could just as easily hit delete rather than write well thought out emails that mention talking later....The fact that she's still paying me the time of day after I was a bit of an ogre makes me think you're wrong. I'm going to follow what most people here have suggested and give her a little space and ask her out again next week.
John
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