A little too clingy a little too soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
A little too clingy a little too soon?
9
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 1:50am
hi all. so i browsed this forum and came across a few posters who complained about being texted/phone to an obsessive degree. while my situation is not SO extreme or scary, I think this guy I met through a dating site is on his way to assuming "this is it!" way too soon. He sent me an email first and I emailed back. His reply included his number and asked me to give him a ring. Usually to be honest I don't like going the phone route that soon. But I thought maybe it won't be so bad. So we spoke on the phone for a few hours and it was good (not GREAT) but we both talk a lot so I think it was a decent first conversation. He proceeded to call me the day after again and I think he's pretty much texted me every day and called me every day. Not to a stalker degree, but this is a bit concerning to me because I'm not sure how I feel about this guy and he seems to be getting attached already and it's only been a few weeks! He's now making plans to come and see me (he's 4 hrs away), which I would be ok with but I'm starting to feel pressure now. The way he interacts with me is the way a boyfriend would... texting me like "good morning beautiful etc etc" and as sweet as that is, I think I would appreciate it more after meeting and feeling an definite connection. Aside from the constant need for communication I think he's a nice guy and it's one of those situations where I'm not like omg yes I am definitely into him, but more of a worth a shot situation. But he seems to be on a different page andddd I'm not sure if meeting him is giving him the wrong idea... being that I am going to marry him and have his babies lol


Edited 11/27/2009 1:51 am ET by mzmissynyc
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2009
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 5:35am

Hi!

Jules
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2009
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 11:22pm

This really brought back memories.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 2:36am
I agree and disagree with you. I think the initial phone calls for arrangements is fine and dandy if you are both in a short distance of each other i.e. not 4 hours apart. When distance is involved you kind of want to make sure that the person is worth traveling the distance for even for the initial meet. In the past I've talked to a guy for a few convos (not crazy long and not every day) and met in person. It didn't work out but it was mutual and a nice clear end. But in this case I think you're right in that he has gotten the idea that a few hours of convo for a day or two = the right to call and text all the time. Anyhooooo I'm going to try to talk to him and tell him that I generally don't like to spend this much time talking to someone before meeting because ultimately it's the meeting that determines if it's something worth pursuing. I HATE having to be so blatant with these matter because I think honestly this should be common sense, but what can you do.


Edited 11/28/2009 2:43 am ET by mzmissynyc
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 12:56pm

For some reason, I think it's weird to start texting before meeting unless you are setting up a date. I think texting is kind of intrusive, as an expectation for immediate response is being set. If you don't know the person yet, you have no obligation to text back, I think.

Starting off with the 'baby', 'beautiful' stuff is always a red flag to me. I don't like that kind of interaction from people I don't know because I think it's creepy. Why would someone who has never met you give you a pet name? Blech.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 1:27pm

In general, I wouldn't call it clingy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 2:25pm

I agree with all of the above, think thats why I started feeling a bit weird about this whole thing. I have met a few guys in the past who want to be in a relationship so bad that they attach themselves to the notion of being in one and don't actually bother to see if we have a connection.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 2:21pm

I agree that spending hours on phone calls before even meeting is not a good idea (regardless of the distance).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 3:57pm

I guess that's why I personally am not interested in doing OLD w/ anyone who doesn't live w/in an hour or less from me. You're right--you're not (or in this case, hopefully he's the one doing the traveling) going to make a 4-hr trip to someone you've only talked w/ on the phone for a few mins. You like to have some idea that the other person is compatible/interesting. But it does give a false sense of intimacy or that you really know each other. I remember my 1st ever experience of OLD about 10 yrs ago when I did email a guy for quite a while before meeting him, then when I met him it was instant disappointment. First of all, he had a photo maybe 10 yrs old. The photo was really cute...(and I guess this is common). Then he had mentioned to me that he had some medical problems even though he was only about 40, which included recovering from having a stroke, I think. It wasn't until I saw him in person and realized that he really had trouble walking, that it really hit me. At that time, my kids were little & it was hard enough to take care of them. I didn't need a guy who was basically an invalid and who couldn't drive on top of that. It just wouldn't have worked out, even though he was probably a nice person and it was unfortunate for him to have had these problems. But there's a reason I'm not a nurse!

And now, I'm just not interested in spending a long time on the phone before I've met someone (or really even after). I work all day and have stuff to do at home at night, including being w/ my DS. I just don't have time for the long convos. It's more like "let's just meet & get it over with." lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 12:50am

I *hate* men who havent even MET me yet

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