living in another state

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
living in another state
3
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 10:28am

Hi Everyone,

I have been visiting this board for a few months and have not posted much but have received a lot of very useful information about OLD. I have a question, why do men send me flirts from all across the US. I live in Illinois and looking for a serious relationship as they are too. How can you have a serious relationship when they live in NY, Wyoming, TN, FL, NM, CA just to name a few. I don't get it. Am I missing something? Has anyone else encountered this?

Thanks

Rosesared

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 10:38am

I live in NE Missouri and dated a couple guys from SE Iowa. One of those "relationships" only lasted a few weeks. Even though the guy turned out to be a jerk, I have to believe that distance would have made dating him harder, even if we had meshed better in the end. Many guys are not willing to make much effort in dating overall. At least that is what I continue to run into time and time again. I personally do not think dating someone an hour away is a long distance, but I do believe it inhibits quality time together if you have to make elaborate plans to get together. Add to the mix jobs/career schedules, and that makes it even harder to maintain a relationship.

The guy I was seeing most recently lived right here in town and while there were obstacles to overcome, distance was not one of them. Finding a guy who is willing to exert EFFORT in order to have a relationship seems to be a rare commodity--distance or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 10:53am

Honestly I get so many winks from Altanta and New York (I live in LA) it's very odd...and I don't get it! I personally don't think they're thinking when they send them. It's part of their mass mailing or winking when they do their searches.

Long distance relationships are a risk as in the first trip or two might be exciting then "reality" sets in and no one wants to put in the time, effort and expense traveling. Heck, most of us have 2 days off a week - I don't know about you but it's my only time to pick up and drop off dry cleaning, car wash, nails done, grocery shop, drug store and shopping or relaxing at the beach PLUS excercise - once a month would be fine but how do you maintain a LDR w/out messing up your own life? You have to drive to the airport, wait 2 hours, fly X amount of hours, go thru security - then spend what a day maybe a day and a half, fly back home (tired instead of refreshed) to start your work week - and what about your own life and friends? I think the fantasy is better then the reality in my opinion. Yes it works for some but they would need to put in the effort, making a plan to see you, being proactive etc otherwise forget about it! Then your on your best behavior as your time is limited - you don't get the true day to day blows, arguments etc. I like the fact at least once during the week they can come over and watch tv, make some dinner, share a glass of wine -- Long Distance, you can't do that. Plus I like the weekend where let's say I see them Friday - I do my own thing Saturday maybe see them again Sunday for brunch -- normal dating not forced spend every weekend time together.....I don't know, just me! Watch, I get into a LDR, LOL

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 7:33pm

I'm going to tell you something I told a close friend... love doesn't necessarily happen within a 10 mile radius. Sometimes the people we are meant to be don't live within our state. Are LDRs hard? Yes. Should the fact that a man you like lives a few states away stop you? No.


Sometimes the things that are most worthwhile are not served up in the way we want. Personally I wouldn't consider it a stopping point.


Just my opinion though...


Kerry