"living with roommates"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
"living with roommates"
25
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 10:27am
I may be a snob, but to me this is a dealbreaker.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 10:30am

To help someone out. To not be alone. To add to monthly income. To have someone there when you're gone to look after the place and/or animals.

Why is that a dealbreaker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 10:48am

I'm with you sparklepuss, even though I also feel like a snob for saying it. I usually won't respond to someone that has in their profile that they live with roommates. However, I did start dating someone who first told me they lived alone and then after the relationship carried on, I found out that this was a 39 year old (now 40) living with his mother. I understand why he felt the need to lie, it is embarrassing. Yes, he had a hardship...but after that I felt petty for feeling the way that I did. Then I started to wonder if it was just jealousy...I would love to have someone help out with my mortgage payment and all the other bills.

Anymore, I guess it doesn't get to me as much. However, I would still like to find someone that has been through the same stuff and is in the same place as myself. I don't want to feel like I am taking care of anybody. I already have one child, I don't need a full grown child too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 10:52am

I'm with you sparkle - it might not be a dealbreaker for me, but it does make me go hmmm. I too find it kinda odd if someone past the age of 30 is living with a roommate.

knees, The only one I personally can justify on your list for someone over 30 is the first one. In my mind: If you can't be alone after the age of 30, there might be some additional issues. If you cannot manage your finances well enough to live on your own, there might be something wrong. You can always have a friend, neighbor, housesitter, petsitter, service look after your place while you're gone. As for the first one, a friend of mine lived at my place for about 3-4 months while she was out of work and had just moved here. However, it was not an ideal situation for either one of us - as adults, we both valued our space and privacy too much. It didn't ruin the friendship, but it made it strained for a while.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 10:56am

I would want to know more about the person before judging them SOLELY on this. There are too many reasons why they might want to (including just being a sociable person who prefers company) to make this an automatic dealbreaker in my book.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 11:04am

I live alone now but I prefer a good roommate. More money in the bank, someone to hang out with, do stuff with, don't have to worry about my cats when I'm gone for work or vacation, and cooking for one sucks. My old roomie and I used to try out new recipes on each other once a week. I miss that.

I don't understand how that's a bad thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 11:34am
I guess for me, I am a person that REALLY values my privacy. I love living on my own. If I am going over to my guy's house, I don't want to feel like the roommate is snickering when my guy and I retire for the night. I want to be able to sit on the couch with each other and hang out in the house/apartment without feeling like the roomie is going to show up at any moment or even hanging out with us. My friend with the new BF - he lives with a roommate and they tell him things like "When you come home, be quiet or don't knock on the door b/c you never know what's going on in here!" Blech. For me, I DON'T want people to know what is going on with me. Sure, I know they know, but I don't feel like I would ever be completely comfortable being over at his house if he had a roomie. It is a personal thing, but that is the way I feel.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 11:37am
I guess it's just that I live alone and would want someone who is independent and capable of living alone and being okay with it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 11:57am

How well would a person who's lived alone for years adapt to marriage? I am just wondering out loud. I realize everyone has their own preferences and dealbreakers.

KITB

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 12:00pm
I would have a VERY hard time adapting! I've lived peacefully alone (daughter half time) for 15 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 1:41pm

Sparkle -

I'm a little bit older than you (42) but I agree --

I'll also concede that I bring some baggage to this; my ex-husband had either gambled or snorted away almost $18,000 (still unaccounted for nearly 3 years after divorcing) and the house had gone into foreclosure, so financial stability is a biggie in my book. Saying you live with roommates after age 35 or so reeks of either NOT being stable, or simply missing your fraternity house days.

In fact, my profile says "I'm gainfully employed with some discretionary income and would expect that you are, too."

Tracy

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