Living together before marriage, Y or No
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Living together before marriage, Y or No
| Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:45pm |
Living together before marriage
Saying you’re marriage minded......(I’m sure this has been posted before) thought it would be fun to see both sides.
Yes or No and why?
The Peanut
I say yes because this way you don’t need to rush into the marriage and you can see how they are on a daily basis (even if you take a two week vacation together, spend 5 nights a week) the daily routine can make or break a lifetime decision together. I used to think, no, proposal first but if you move in with the intent of marriage (w/in the year) then I think it’s the way to go. I also heard a statistic that people who lived together before marriage were more likely to get divorced, not sure why?

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Yes but regardless if you lived with your ex first or not the end result would be the same.....you still would have gotten divorced, that wasn't the reason it ended especially if your marriage lasted 10 years (which is a long time)..sorry it didn't work out. Lets say you want to wait a year before you get married and you want to move in after 6 months of dating...I think it's smart and fun.
I was 21-24 (lived with him a year of the three years together, I’m now 35) when I lived with the only BF I’ve ever lived with and had no financial help or parents even emotionally either and I broke it off, walked away with the clothes on my back. He was a good guy I just didn’t see myself marrying him after living with him plus I felt I was too young for marriage in the end.
Perhaps I was mature for my age but it can be done so I don’t view that as a reason to get married but respect and understand where you too are coming from. Some young girls it is much harder, sorry you got married because you felt you had no place else to go—now your wiser for it!!!
Thanks,
SP
All I can say is if someone wouldn't marry someone because of her *cereal and TV watching habits*, it wasn't meant to be. Marriage is about compromise, not test runs.
And how he would have NOT known this by paying attention while they were dating is beyond me.
But your friend makes the classic "let's try this out, and I'm too lazy to do it any other way than by living together" arguments. I've done it twice, and I disagree that you have to live with someone to learn these things.
Sheri
I learned a lot of things from my three year, we only lived together the last year of three and I disagree. For example when I walked in he expected me to run into his arms and I needed my 2 minutes to “unwind”....we had to learn to compromise. That’s minor but that’s to give you an idea and I found out he was more insecure then I originally had thought.......plus when you live day in and day out, it’s very different.......anyone knows this who has done it. You see all their sides good and bad. Sometimes the s life dies too.....maybe they are messy.....but we’ll agree to disagree. Hey, I thought T was going to “move in with you” w/out an engagement?
Make sense to me. Though also luck sometimes plays a role in marriage. Some peole will simply change and nothing can change them back!! so what can you do?!
Here’s another theory that backs up what I’m saying, again, no right or wrongs here—everyone has their own personal reason....and I’m sure their is a good debate for the other side of the coin. I do agree once you’re married you do make it work unless it gets really bad like adultery or cheating.....but if you know you’re moving in with the intent of marriage then I’m all for it....that’s my angle....as my friend said, once you make that announcement it’s harder to say to the family you broke it off.....
Theory:
Lets face it, this is why we have “divorce”....
He/She changed the second we got married. He she stopped making love and going the extra mile...he/she got fat and stopped taking care of their body...He/She stopped doing the fun things and putting in the effort. He/she stopped caring and doing the romantic things. He/she became more volatile (verbally abusive).... it’s almost like a prize to some........
Hmm...that seems to me the type of thing you'd learn if you spent 4-5 days and evenings a week together, which I would expect that a couple on the verge of living together or getting engaged would do.
I really do NOT find it very different, either time. It was just *more* of the same behaviors (but in both cases we were together at least 5 days/evenings a week, including entire weekends).
And how would you not know that someone is messy if you spend a bunch of time at each other's place, OVER a year or two time period?
But yes, agree to disagree is fine ;-)!
In T's case the agreement was that he could stay with me for up to 3 months while he was job hunting.
Sheri
Just for debate purposes, smiles you wrote: In T's case the agreement was that he could stay with me for up to 3 months while he was job hunting.
Sorry but that’s living together and I bet you anything that it would be harder to kick him out as soon as he got a job after 3 months of living together on top of the time you spent dating him. At that point I would suspect an engagement would be around the corner since you/we’re both marriage minded provided it worked out for you two.
If you were really against it you would have move in with a friend.....
Peanut
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