Living together before marriage, Y or No

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Living together before marriage, Y or No
54
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:45pm

Living together before marriage

Saying you’re marriage minded......(I’m sure this has been posted before) thought it would be fun to see both sides.

Yes or No and why?

The Peanut

I say yes because this way you don’t need to rush into the marriage and you can see how they are on a daily basis (even if you take a two week vacation together, spend 5 nights a week) the daily routine can make or break a lifetime decision together. I used to think, no, proposal first but if you move in with the intent of marriage (w/in the year) then I think it’s the way to go. I also heard a statistic that people who lived together before marriage were more likely to get divorced, not sure why?

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 3:47pm

Well, that's not what we had discussed but who knows what might have happened.

Moot point in any event and sorry, it's hard for me to even think or talk about today.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 3:50pm

Here’s my thing, for me it will be very hard to give up my two days alone type of thing even if and I do spend 4-5 nights a week with M. When and if I’m living with him as a hypothetical in the future and if it leads to marriage my entire world will change. I’ve never been married unlike some of you and I want a family. Life as I know it now will NEVER be the same. I won’t have my “single selfish behavior time”...I can’t do what I want when I want w/out consulting. I won’t have the bed to myself, I won’t have the freedoms to do the things I now have. I can’t walk in the door, fling my stuff on the floor and veg out to the television, now someone else will have my undivided attention......or not shower right away or forget to shave (LOL).....I will have someone to talk too and see how they are. Now, I’m excited to have this change but it’s a chapter in my life that will be gone, make sense? For some giving that up can change them for the worse, perhaps they grow resentful or they realize, man, I thought I wanted this but maybe I really don’t! It’s like the s life is great in the beginning but how many posts have you read where that goes out the window? Crazy! Now, don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait...but I’m now finally at a point in my life where I can move to the next chapter. This is why Bachelors have a hard time settling down.

SP

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 3:51pm

I'm sorry; didn't know today was bad--hope it gets better....you're a lawyer and usually up for a good debate. I see your angle.....

SP

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 3:53pm

No worries...you weren't in chat last night so you don't know what happened yesterday...email me if you want.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:43pm

Hey Sheri~

I missed chat last night, so not sure what happened to you yesterday. Hope you are ok or able to cheer up or just get through whatever is going on. hugs to you from me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:46pm

No. Someone I had talked to prior to that, but never met because of a crazy travel schedule. Since I was keeping my options open w/ Mr. Europe guy, we met, he won.

Yes- it has only been 6 months which surprised me as well (only 2 people have even MET my family, not to mention I have never lived with anyone before), but it works for us.

The older I get, the quicker it seems to be to weed out the ones not interested in a relationship, but at the same time- I haven't had any ghosters or bad experiences either with OLD. Everyone with the exception of one guy was nice, successful, attractive and represented themselves pretty honestly.

Go figure- I just got lucky :)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:54pm

Thanks XRG--in a nutshell, I *finally* reached the end of my rope with the LDR and pulled the plug yesterday. I know it's the right thing for me, and in a way it's a relief, but it's just especially hard today because we were in the habit of speaking 3-4 times a day. I know I'll be ok...it just takes time and unfornately you can't fast forward through it, which sucks ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 5:00pm
Like I said, it depends on the person and the circumstances - just like marriage - it works for some and not for others. Although I'm not going to re-hash all the reasons why my marriage failed, I wasn't saying that I got married "only" because I had no where else to go. I'm simply saying that living together makes it that much harder to split up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 6:10pm

Sheri, I'm sorry to hear that things finally came to a conclusion with your LDR. I know you had been struggling with the decision, but, even knowing it was the right thing to do, does not make it any easier. People come into our lives for a reason. It is up to us to learn what we will from the situation. Hang in there, the fast forward button seems broken now, but soon enough the past few months will be a memory tucked away in your heart.

All the best,
Libra

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 7:52pm

Thanks, Libra. I know you're right about reasons and learning from the situation, although the only lesson I'm seeing so far is, don't do LDRS ;-)!!!

I can't wait for this to be a faint memory...as in past breakups, I'm chanting my mantra..."the only way out is through". One hour at a time...

Sheri