Living together before marriage, Y or No

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Living together before marriage, Y or No
54
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:45pm

Living together before marriage

Saying you’re marriage minded......(I’m sure this has been posted before) thought it would be fun to see both sides.

Yes or No and why?

The Peanut

I say yes because this way you don’t need to rush into the marriage and you can see how they are on a daily basis (even if you take a two week vacation together, spend 5 nights a week) the daily routine can make or break a lifetime decision together. I used to think, no, proposal first but if you move in with the intent of marriage (w/in the year) then I think it’s the way to go. I also heard a statistic that people who lived together before marriage were more likely to get divorced, not sure why?

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 1:08pm

Sorry to hear about this Sheri. Even though it is LDR, it isn't easier then if you had seen him on a daily basis. I hate..hate..hate..break-ups. Next to a death of someone, break-ups are the hardest for me to overcome.

Good Mantra. Keep chatting it. One hour at a time.

I wish you all the best.

Sincerely,
Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 4:13pm
AND,
Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 4:25pm

Sheri,


I'm sorry you are going through a tough time right now.

Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:03pm

you wrote: As far as this discussion, I really liked what someone said about sociology. It made sense. If there is not as much to lose, both parties will not try as hard. And if that is the pattern that is set before marriage, why should it change after? Even in our divorce happy society, I think many couples just give up too soon and decide to look for a "better" partner, or the BBD! So, in the long run, does marriage really change anything? I guess that is another discussion for another day.

Exactly which brings us back to square one :-)!

I think it's a combination of luck, timing and meeting someone with the same mentality whether or not you live together in my opinion won't matter as far as if you both want the commitment.

SP

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:15pm

Wanting commitment and getting it are two different things. The mentality may be there at first and then you're a year into cohabitation and lo and behold someone decides maybe it's not what they originally wanted. Much easier to break up when no lawyers are involved and it doesn't cost a boat load of money. And that may be truly the mindset for either party going in. However, if you're married your mindset would be different - "this is who I am going to spend the rest of my life with", etc. Less likely for those "I want out of this right now" thoughts.

There is no guarantee either way. In my experience, cohabitation did not work so I am unwilling to go that route again especially since I would rather be someone's wife, rather than just a gf, the rest of my life.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:16pm

I will not live with someone again unless some sort of plans to get married have been made.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:20pm
Sheri, you're absolutely right - it IS harder to break up when you're living together.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:42pm
I'm sorry to hear that, Sheri.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:48pm

One more thing!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:54pm

I get that now with M too. I guess the angle I’m going at being single as long as I have there is no escape if you have a crazy day or bad day you have to face the music so to speak. It’s day in and day out, no one or two days to do your other stuff with no one watching, he ,he! I think they did a Sex and the City when Carrie moved in with Aden, she talked about Single Selfish behavior (or something like that), how’d she’d eat crackers standing up with Peanut Butter and no one watching and Charlotte liked to pick her white heads in front of a mirror, crazy stuff like that! Or fart around the house after a good bean a cheese, LOL!!!

It’s not only for his benefit but mine too. Like I know I want this but can I handle it as it’s been so long if that makes sense?

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu