Long-distance can work
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|Fri, 06-20-2003 - 8:00am|
I am into online dating now for about 2 years and it has always been long-distance so I have a few experiences to share. I am from Germany (so please forgive my sometimes not so perfect English) and have always been fascinated about North-America and it's people. Spending vacations there regularly but wanted to have more personal contact so I tried an online-dating service just to find a friend to talk to.
My first contact turned out as a guy I really liked and I can talk to as if we have known each other for years. After we knew each other for about 4 weeks (and talked daily per email and (because of the time difference) on the phone at weekends) he decided it's time to see us in person and came to Germany for a week. It has been his first flight out of the States but we both felt like we want to meet in person. We spent a fantastic time, made future plans and I thought I had found the man of my dreams. Four weeks later I made it possible that I can fly over to see him again and unfortunately that was not so great. Still do not know what really happened we just did not get along so great in his place as we did in mine. After I returned to Germany we continued talking for a while but it was mainly me who tried to work on our relationship. He told me I am a great friend but he cannot imagine anything else anymore so we broke up in early 2002. We are still in contact and a part of him will always be in my heart but....
Lesson learned: be sure to see each other in both of your places especially if you live in different countries. Most important is of course the place you plan to live in together later!
The next chapter is not that great but I am willing to share that as well. I met another US guy online at the same dating service last summer and very soon we talked on the phone daily. I was planning on another vacation anyhow so he suggested we should do that together which was approx. after we knew each other for 6 weeks. Seems okay to me even if he started telling me things he had not been honest about just after I booked my flight. Nevertheless I flew (with an already bad feeling in my stomach)and when he stood in front of me at the airport I knew immediately that will never work out because there was absolutely no chemistry. I tried to come through this vacation on a friendship basis but when he went on trying to convince me to have sex with him, I obviously got very negative about the whole story. We cut the vacation short after a week and I spent a few days alone in the NYC area. The minute he went out of my hotel room and I knew I will never see him again was one of the greatest I ever had!
Lesson learned: Always have a plan B if the person you meet turns out as horrible! Have the bravery to even cancel a booked trip if he/she comes out with lies short before you want to go!
After that it took me a while to go on with trying to find a real love online but sometime in winter I just got bored and put a new profile on a new site and very soon received a smile from a guy from Canada. I answered and we started talking in early February. All was very different with him because we were instantly able to talk about everything and I felt so comfortable and secure with having him around. I was on vacation in the States in May and he decided to come down to Chicago and meet me there. We both had the feeling that we will just need that personal meeting to confirm what we already know but nevertheless we agreed on having 2 hotel rooms the first night and the option of saying goodbye if we won't click. Everything was more than great and our biggest problem was how we will get over the time where we will not be able to see each other. We are still on the phone daily, send each other emails when we are not awake the same time (six hours time difference) and try to work out long-distance dates as best as possible, e.g. see the same movie at the same day and pretend we are there together; or watch some sports events which are at live coverage in both of our countries while talking to each other on the phone. Finally I've found a flight which fits in my financial frame and so I will fly to Toronto at July, 8th for a week and see how we will get along there. We are very serious about each other and so I can only ask everybody who reads this to keep your fingers crossed!
Lessons learned by now: Be honest and be yourself and once you met trust in each other and in your love and everything will fall into place! There will be hard times where you think you cannot stand missing each other so deeply anymore but then you find out he thought about you in a very special way and the sun is shining again!