long distance what say you?
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long distance what say you?
| Thu, 02-09-2006 - 1:06am |
I met this guy through OLD. He is almost too good to be true.
Really good looking, fit , educated, funny, does lots of volunteer work, has a good job and acts like a gentleman... we met once but spent the whole day together.
one problem he is 2 hours away by car. He has a job that pays v. well and I m sure wont consider moving to my city anytime. I prefer to stay where I live. I lived in his city few years ago and it was boring and I did not make many friends there.
Should I pursue this relationship? I m not sure I want to be with someone I can only see once a week. There is nothing half way so we cant meet every other day or so for dinner.
I dont find interesting guys in my city! the good ones are taken since women here are v. pretty and aggresive!
something tells me distance will become a headache as soon as we get serious about each other.
Really good looking, fit , educated, funny, does lots of volunteer work, has a good job and acts like a gentleman... we met once but spent the whole day together.
one problem he is 2 hours away by car. He has a job that pays v. well and I m sure wont consider moving to my city anytime. I prefer to stay where I live. I lived in his city few years ago and it was boring and I did not make many friends there.
Should I pursue this relationship? I m not sure I want to be with someone I can only see once a week. There is nothing half way so we cant meet every other day or so for dinner.
I dont find interesting guys in my city! the good ones are taken since women here are v. pretty and aggresive!
something tells me distance will become a headache as soon as we get serious about each other.

I think LDRs are a waste of energy -- that is JMO, I realize they work for some other people. If you know from the start that neither of you are willing to relocate, what's the point? And you can't really get to know the person when you only see them on "dates," as opposed to on a more frequent basis.
Also, I have been told (by men) that some men do LDRs in OLD as a way to keep distance and avoid real commitment.
I was one of those people who had a long-distance relationship which worked out, and for me it's been more than worth it. That's not to say it's for everybody.
Here are the main pros and cons as I see them:
Pros:
1. This could turn out to finally be the guy you've always hoped to find.
2. Even if you eventually find the right guy in your area, who knows how much longer you'll have to wait until he comes along?
Cons:
1. It is smart to give yourself more time to take things slower in a long-distance in order to be sure you really know the person. You might end up wasting more time on a relationship that turns out not to be what you were hoping for anyway.
2. You don't get to spend as much time in person.
3. If things do work out, one or the other of you will eventually have to relocate for their to be any future together.
I guess for me there was never really a question in my mind. I was eager to find the guy who would live up to all of my standards, and I was tired of having to wait for it to happen, so the distance seemed like a very small price to pay in hopes of finding that which is why I was first willing to correspond with him over the internet and meet him in person the first time. Then, the first time we met in person, he didn't even stand out that much as somebody who was worth pursuing a long-distance relationship with, so we ended up just having a long-distance friendship. He became my best-friend and then I found myself falling in love with him, and again the distance seemed like a small price to pay for being with my best friend who also was seeming like my absolute perfect match.
That's not to say a long-distance relationship is for everybody. If you're settled in where you live or have a lot of friends and family in the area, then the thought of ever relocating for any guy may not be worth it. Also, if you're the sort of person who really needs to be spending all of their time with the other person when you're in a relationship and you also need to be out doing things and not just talking on the phone all of the time, then you may always be really miserable in a long-distance relationship. And finally, there is the risk that nothing will come out of it, and that you're just wasting your time in the relationship, which I suppose is true for any relationship, but may be somewhat greater for a long distance relationship.
You might want to ask yourself, even if you knew for sure now that he really turns out to be as good as you are hoping for, if seeing him once a worth would be worth getting to be with him. Also, ask yourself, if far down the line both of you turn out to be what the other is looking for, would one of you would be willing to relocate to be together if you both turn out to be what the other is looking for. It sounds like you are already questioning just those two things. If the answer to either of those two questions is no, then there's really no point in pursuing the relationship. If the answer is yes to both questions, then it's just a question of if you think it's worth investing the extra time to pursue a long distance relationship.
Well, I was one of those women who was just in your spot- and it didn't work out before we got to that point. Personally, I'm not for OLD long distance relationships- but to me, what I consider LD is anything more than 2-3 hours.
However, that being said- if you meet someone you like on OLD and he lives further than you'de like, well there is no guarantees its going to get to the point where one of you has to move- but its good you are thinking ahead!
If you have a good time with him- its worth it until you feel otherwise. I've learned that a few good dates don't equal an automatic relationship- as much as I wish it did!
It takes time to get to know someone, but it also isn't so easy to find someone you click with! I'd say enjoy him and see in the next few weeks if he's worth it. Sometimes, you'll find in life what you were worrying about figuring out- never comes to fruition.