Losing Hope
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| Tue, 09-06-2005 - 7:31am |
Well, there goes another one. We had been seeing each other for 2 months. I wanted to start slow and be friends first then the past three weeks we were getting closer. Started kissing. Seeing each other more. Communicating everyday. He was buying me stuff, taking me out to dinner. I had taken my profile down. It didn't feel right to be with this guy and meeting others. This is something I chose to do. And glad I did.
I last saw him friday and we were kissing. I had stopped it before it got too far. I told him that I needed to know where we were going before we become intimate.
He called and said he respected me alot for not going through with it. I felt I needed to know where we stood. I think it is reasonable to ask if this is something we should persue. He made me feel so bad in asking. I was being pushy. I was expecting alot from him. He didn't know what he wants and doesn't know whether he wants a relationship or not because he is too busy. Then accused me of keeping my profile up looking for other guys. He doesn't want to make plans for future dates.
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses.
It hurts. It really does. And I don't know what's worse the rejection or that horrible feeling of disappointment. But, really, a lost of a friend who I had alot in common with.
I'm glad I didn't get too emotionally involved. It doesn't hurt AS much.
I'm starting to believe that these guys are not looking for a 1 on 1 relationship. Oh, I can't see anyone, but they can keep their options open and not have a steady relationship with just one girl.
Maybe it was wrong of me to ask too soon. I just didn't feel comfortable moving into anything physical until I knew where we were going.

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i go by the rule of never EVER saying ILY first...men want to be the ones to say it...its a primal chase/catch thing. That is one way to scare a man (at least one i am interested in...the go getter type...not the milktoast type)off. Old Fashioned? Yup. But i really believe its something that is wired in. (I wish they could wire women not to want to blurt it out then!! LOL)
As far as talking about "where this is going" ugh...i put up front that i am looking for a relationship if they don't follow through or make it a FWB thing...not my fault. I have someone who i was blatantly honest upfront and has turned this into FWB because he is "busy"...sorry...i have no emotions for him then. NEXT!
If YOU don't want to become intimiate or dont feel your feelings are there for that yet...that is up to you. I can't see how any conversation with the other person is really going to change the circumstances...one can say anything and feel another ...we are only responsible for how we feel ourselves.
I don't know how i'd feel if a man asked me "so where is this going". I say, just be in the relationship..if it doesn't go where you want when you want..get out. So far Ive not left my FWB because he swears he is just busy. When I have had enough (or find another ) ...I'll go. But I won't be an idiot and think only what he says to me as perhaps he loved the chase, and now i love the sex lol. NO emotions there yet. (this is an odd situation...not really dating...but i made it clear that is what i am looking for). I am thinking about turning it all down next time...i can't multitask and this is impeding me looking. What i am saying, is i don't say "where is this going" i just see for myself what "it is" and go from there. (I am 40..perhaps that has a lot to do with it).
....so much easier typed then done eh? LOL
::sigh::
Lizzie
I commend you for not falling into that "sexual" trap that this man appeared to be setting. It makes me laugh when they place an ad and then indicate they don't know what they want....it's obvious at that point it's only one thing they want. Congratulations for having the grace and dignity to say no and avoid becoming another notch on this man's bedpost. I respect that.
F
But those 2 words you mentioned are the two I was trying to think of.
And has been the case of several guys I've either met or dated and that is they want a relationship, but just don't want the obligations & responsibility that comes with it. Maybe this is the reason so many are looking for FWB?
I just wanted to bump this up and add my .02 (why the heck don't computers have the cents button anymore? lol), b/c I think it's a very common thing that we're all going to deal with.
MEN WANT SEX. Plainly put. And they're not very giving with their emotions, so I think that even though we may want them to like us and be with us and have relationships with us, they still only want one thing until they're given the chance to get to know us better. And if we have sex with them too soon, that blinds their eyes to the Angel that's inside us. If they don't want to wait around to find that Angel, then we'll be glad we didn't give into the Devil on our shoulders and have sex with them.
That said, this same thing happened to me...and I DID have sex with him very soon. The entire "relationship" lasted 2 months, and then when I said it's time to discuss monogamy, he started the "I don't really want a relationship" thing. So, either way, it can end up the same. Don't "coulda woulda shoulda", b/c if he truly likes you and it could go somewhere, then he'll respect whatever decision you make. If a guy wants to be with you, he'll do anything you ask.
I know it sucks, b/c we all think that if we had done A B or C differently, he would "realize" he liked us and we'd live happily ever after, but this ain't Fairytale Land. Men who are true gentlemen won't play games, and one day we'll find them...
Update:
We had several days of no contact and he came over and fixed my lawnmower and told me he missed me. Right now we are doing alot of talking. Taking things real slow.
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