love and money
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love and money
| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 10:42am |
I have been known to exaggerate but here is the situation.
I would like to get some feedback from others..
The guy I am dating dropped out of college, he has a job and I am not sure how much money he makes but it is a lot less than me (maybe even twice) less. Whenever I ask him "what shall we do tonight?" he always replies "I don't know, what do you want to do". I am afraid to suggest too many things because I suspect he doesn't have a lot of money to do things with. I don't want to be the one to pay all the time besause even though I make a lot more - I have more expenses and responsibilities (my son) plus doing this makes me feel bad. I don't mind splitting the expense but sometimes enjoy being taken care of every now and than.
I don't know if anyone has been in this situation and how did you deal with it.
On one of the Suze Orman shows - she said that if a man has a lot of clutter in his house - that means he has a high debt and the woman should walk away from such a man.
This guy doesn't have clutter in his house but his car is a pig stall. He moved 2 weeks ago and still has trunk and back seat full of stuff.
Now, just a little warning - I have been known to read into things too much so I need your opinion here.
Thanks
I would like to get some feedback from others..
The guy I am dating dropped out of college, he has a job and I am not sure how much money he makes but it is a lot less than me (maybe even twice) less. Whenever I ask him "what shall we do tonight?" he always replies "I don't know, what do you want to do". I am afraid to suggest too many things because I suspect he doesn't have a lot of money to do things with. I don't want to be the one to pay all the time besause even though I make a lot more - I have more expenses and responsibilities (my son) plus doing this makes me feel bad. I don't mind splitting the expense but sometimes enjoy being taken care of every now and than.
I don't know if anyone has been in this situation and how did you deal with it.
On one of the Suze Orman shows - she said that if a man has a lot of clutter in his house - that means he has a high debt and the woman should walk away from such a man.
This guy doesn't have clutter in his house but his car is a pig stall. He moved 2 weeks ago and still has trunk and back seat full of stuff.
Now, just a little warning - I have been known to read into things too much so I need your opinion here.
Thanks

ivos....
Your first question should be: DO I ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH THIS MAN?
I generally am a fan of Suze Orman's advice, but I disagree with her on that point. I have way too much clutter in both my home and my car, but my financial situation is quite good. Having clutter does not *necessarily* mean you're in poor financial shape ;-)!
But I think you should end it with this guy for the other reasons you've posted, regardless of his financial situation.
Sheri
Just some food for thought:
i'm not sure what you're saying....
are you saying he's a bore because all he wants to do is "hang out" and doesn't come up with activities you can share togethere and you don't like that?
are you saying that he's broke and you don't like dating a broke guy and deliberately choosing poverty?
what are you saying?
(suze orman has nothing to do with this)
Ivos, I don't think people are quite addressing your questions, which are: 1) how much money does he actually earn? (because you need to know if he is poverty-stricken, boring, or stingy), and 2) does he have large debts? How long have you known him? One can't ask financial questions of a new date, but eventually you have to ask if it's not clear. My current bf is self-employed and I'm rather sure he's not too flush. We mostly attend free events or watch TV. But he's not stingy: he's the one with the car, and he contributes as much to meals and outings as I do; furthermore, he is generous and helpful. Someone asked me, "Wouldn't you rather have a guy who could take you to nice places?" Answer: No, I'd rather have this one!
But I don't think I'd marry someone in such a precarious financial situation because I don't want to possibly become (or feel) responsible for supporting him if things got worse.
So how can you find out his financial condition?
Direct: "I get the feeling that you make a lot less than me and are watching your pennies, is that right?"
Subtle: (Tax questions)"Do you usually itemize deductions?"
Sneaky: Look in his wallet, and find his bankbook or other financial records!
Now as for the other question: Is he boring and/or stingy? See my experience above. Does he do a lot for you in non-financial ways? That may mean that he's poor but generous. Some nice men are just not used to asserting their preferences for activities. However, if he NEVER expresses a preference for doing anything....he just may be hopelessly dull. ;)
My guess is that there are other things bothering you about this man, or you wouldn't be asking.