Love = Dream home

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Love = Dream home
6
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 7:58pm

I am a real estate broker and I began online dating almost 2 months ago. I thought about online dating for years prior to taking the plunge, but there seemed to be a stigma attached to it, so I just quietly observed for a long time. I was terrified about rejection, my safety, and had other concerns as well. I checked out profiles of the men who I thought I wanted to contact and I also checked out my competition to see what they had to offer. My competition were beautiful women with great profiles. I really felt insecure. The men had long lists of requirements that I knew I'd never be able to meet. I really wanted to meet someone special to share my life with, but I just didn't know where to start. One day while I was working with a client who had just purchased her dream home, I began thinking that searching for your dream home is a lot like searching for the love of your life. It takes a lot of work and a lot of searching. If you're willing to have patience you'll eventually find what you're looking for. I'm taking my own advice and so far it's been a wild and crazy ride. I've met the most interesting men and had lots of fun. I've experienced everything from being wined and dined in the fanciest restaurants to having a nice conversation over coffee in Starbucks. I've been dumped by some and pursued by others for whatever reasons they might have. I realize that it's just a numbers game. I've set my standards high and lowered my expectations and am taking it one step at a time. I have to admit that it's so much more fun than I would have ever expected. My dating experience has been a parallel experience to my real estate practice.

These are my own observations and lessons from my own dating and real estate experience: First, you need to know what you're looking for, then set your search criteria. A home that looks great in a photo could be a mess when you see it in person. On the other hand, there were homes that my clients refused to see because they had a preconceived notion of what they'd find there. When I convinced them to go inside, they'd sometimes be amazed at how wonderful the house was. Lesson #1, photos are important, but not always reliable. Take the time to meet in person. You never know what you'll find. Many of the homes that I take my clients to are great homes, but just not for them. Lesson #2, you or your date might be great people, but just not right for each other. It might feel like personal rejection, but keep moving along and don't let it get you down. Be tactful if you have to do the rejecting. Sometimes when my clients think they've found their dream home, someone else might have interest in it as well. When that happens, I never recommend getting into a bidding war because it's usually an emotional feeling (attachment) where they end up paying more than what it's worth. Who want's to get stuck with something just because you lose control. Lesson #3, if it's not available, leave it alone. No one is worth fighting over if they're already taken. Most of my clients never find their dream homes immediately. I do most of the work for them so I don't have to drag them into every house on the market. But they eventually have to see the homes themselves in order to make their decision. It might take a few days or maybe even a few months. The only people that never find their dream homes are the people who give up, or set their criteria so high that nothing could ever satisfy them. Lesson #4, NEVER GIVE UP! and have realistic standards of who you really want. Some people just can't be satisfied. Keep an open mind and just have fun. When my clients finally find their dream home and everything checks out fine, I urge them to trust their judgment and move forward. I've never had a client regret buying their home after they've moved in and are settled. They are usually thrilled. Lesson #5, use your head as well as your intuition. When things check out fine, move forward, and enjoy!

There are so many more lessons to be learned and so many experiences to share but I really wanted to share these.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: cs1432
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 8:04pm

What a brilliant analogy - I really enjoyed the read!

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
In reply to: cs1432
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 8:11pm
Thank you. That's so sweet of you!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cs1432
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 9:07pm

Welcome to the board...I like your analogy too! I've mostly had good experiences with OLD over the years (including several relationships lasting from 2-18 months and some lasting friendships) but have just been doing it too long and so am taking a much needed break of 90 days to recharge my batteries.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: cs1432
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 11:00pm

Great comparison!

I'd thought about how the profiles on match.com, friendfinders.com, yahoo personals and so forth are very similar to the MLS listings online but had not carried the analogy further. Yes, the experience of hunting for the right house has many of the same elements as online dating.

I want to throw in also that home buying can have the same "disappointment/rejection" element as dating. Twice in my life the house that I wanted was sold to someone else--in one case because I delayed, in another case because they were showing it while working out a contract.

The only difference is that I have settled many times for houses that weren't my "dream house." (Alas, my dream house costs more than I have to spend.) But I can't imagine settling for second best in a long-term relationship.

Elsa
(Who is not a real estate agent--just one of those homebuyers who drive real estate agents crazy looking for the right house.)

(edited to remove some repetition)




Edited 6/5/2006 11:05 pm ET by elarisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: cs1432
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 2:17pm
Great analogy and well stated! Thanks for this inspirational post!! Enjoyed it!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: cs1432
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:39pm
I absolutely loved your post!