in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
in love
16
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 11:40pm
has anyone "fell in love" with some on they met online? I've been chatting w this guy for several weeks now, we seem to click. talk to him for hrs at times. other times just for a few minutes. The long talks seem like dates.even though we have yet to meet for he lives in another state, i feel like i'm falling in love with him. Is that possible? looking for opinions

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 3:56am

>>even though we have yet to meet for he lives in another state, i feel like i'm falling in love with him. Is that possible?<<

No. It is not possible.

You are fooling yourself. You are not in love with him; you are in love with the idea of him that you have in your head. The idea of him comes from the emails, phone calls, and IMs you've shared.

However, your idea of him might be completely different than the REAL him that exists in the real world. You know, the one outside of the computer and telephone? Where people have bad breath or don't hold doors open or cut in line at the grocery store or laugh really annoying?

Until you spend time with him, in person, you can't really be in love with him. You can THINK you are, but you're just fooling yourself.

Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt.

FWIW, estimates of how much of our communication is non-verbal range from around half to 94%. Some say that our EMOTIONAL communication is even higher, like 95+%.

I'm sorry, but you just cannot convince me that you actually know this guy without spending any time with him. You might be very compatible, but I firmly believe there's no way you can "fall in love" with someone without spending time with them in person.

But don't take my word for it. Go to Google and type in "nonverbal communication percentage" and read through the links you see there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 6:20am

A lot of people here have fallen in love with someone they met online. And I do mean MET as, in person. You cannot fall in love with someone you haven't met in person, you might be interested and having fun, but until you actually meet, you don't know if you'll click at all or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 6:40am
Need a linkable FAQ on this as it comes up about 2x per week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 7:31am
Great idea!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 9:17am

I don't think she needs to convince you of anything niceguy!

It is the newness of online dating. We all have been there. She is just going to have to experience of what it is like meeting in person vs. meeting online. Two completely different enigma's!

It has been in my experience that the sooner you meet the better. I have often thought I was developing feeling for someone, then we would meet and there wasn't anything there.

Just try to keep things in perspective.

I wish you luck.

Jodie




Edited 1/19/2005 9:58 am ET ET by truewild1969

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:02am

Sorry if i sound like a B***h, but I think a lot of people on this site are more cynical than supportive more often than not.

Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:11am
This is a site to share experiences. OFTEN the same questions occur MULTIPLE times. This question seems to come up weekly. It's a bit unfair to expect forum regulars to type a book with all the background reasons of why they are making specific comments. As with any online experience you should consider all comments prior to making YOUR OWN decision on what's right for you. That is all that online does - it provides a place to get opinions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:16am
What LG said -- and we're not so much cynical as experienced. Most of us have been in the same situations and have seen how they play out. I don't think being supportive has to be always upbeat about everything. In OLD as in life, often the best advice is the advice we really don't want to listen to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:23am

You must be right, since I've been told this before.

I would be interested to know how you would support the OP in her situation? What would YOU tell her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
In reply to: onew5
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 11:09am
definitely not possible. It's definitely a red flag to feel emotions for someone you haven't met.

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