Low level of interest

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Low level of interest
9
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 9:30pm

Why do I keep meeting men that don't show a lot of interest, just enough interest to keep me interested, but send many mixed messages AND complain about past relationship issues getting in the way of their current dating situations....as an explanation for their confusing behavior.

I am so frustrated. I just want to find a nice relationship. Truly I am easy-going in a relationship and always genuine and loyal, without being too clingy. I am average looking, but not unattractive by any stretch, too. I am slightly overweight, but not huge.....There are many people out there in good relationships of all different personalities, sizes, etc. so I just can't figure it all out. I am in an older age bracket, which makes it a bit harder, but I am putting out tons of effort on online personal sites and seem to meet the wrong people.

Does anyone else run into this discouraging problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 9:56pm
1. Be specific
2. It's a numbers game
3. Don't focus on one person
4. Don't take anything personal
5. Remember the 4 "SW"'s....
-Some Will
-Some Won't
-So What
-Someone's Waiting
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 10:02pm
Thanks, you gave me something to think about. I am starting to be much more upfront with what I am looking for.....and to hell with the men who don't like that...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 11:24pm

you are not unique in this shazzy. it was xtremely fustrating for me to go through these guy who were "luke" warm interested in me. Then I'd meet guys who seemed so into me, and showed the right signs of being "normal"... then after the 3rd date or more they'd jus tdisappear. its just part of dating and online dating at that.

I really think OLD has made men (and women) able to be more picky - thus "less interested" in you - unless they are there for the same rason as you - for a relationship. Most men on there aren't looking for a rs, just dating. But their profiles are misleading bc most of all the men I dated from online sources - would say in their write up - looking for the right person.... blah blah blah... but what they needed to say was 'if i find the perfect women <> then I will get into a realtionship. till then, im dating as many women as possible'.

Hang in there, i think OLD can be a great source to meet someone, but you have to weed thru those many flakes, losers. and most of all (which I dont have ) you hav eto be patient ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 6:19am

I think your comment about "less interested" is very on point.

I find myself holding VERY low expectations for anyone who I meet online until I can get to know them over a period of time. It is so typical for people to an about face or completely cool off. Not to mention that the whole time you are "dating" they are also actively looking for replacement with much the same mindset as above (keep low expectations because they feel you might be gone anytime).

It's a very tough balance to strike and one of the reasons I think we start to look at OLD relationships in their very early stages as much more like friendships than romantic dates. At least that's what I've "morphed" into..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 6:50am

Surfergirl.....I think you're on the money regarding *the right one*.....I had the same feeling. They are looking for the right one, but willing to fool around with someone else in the meantime or just into random dumping if it isn't right....

I'm so frustrated. Last night I winked/sent email to at least 20 men and I know if I'm lucky I'll hear from 2-3. Last night one person sent me a very short email, seeming interested. I sent a longer email and he wrote back one line. That drives me crazy. Is he interested? I think not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 11:23pm

shazzy , the best thing you can do is HAVE FUN. Towards the end of my stint on match.com and yahoo personals (yp) i just had fun. Much like LG stated - friendship then romantic -- i had some really wonderful and fun dates. Some really horrible/terrible ones. But when I look back, I see how fun it was. The better ones outweighed the bad ones. I'd say in a few more weeks you'll have a really good date and it'll help you out.

You really just have to be patient, thats key. Also it depends on your area as well. The selection of singles in your area outside of OLD , online and how metro your area is. I live in san francisco, and online dating is huge here. But so is the single scene. But a place like north dakota.. less of a population doing OLD ... so the ones on there are probably looking for relationships, not just a roll in the hay.

If there is anything I can tell you about OLD its dont take anything personally. Example, your winks you sent and only 2-3 back. Its very normal for that to happen! It has nothing to do with how pretty you are, how grea tyou are, how wonderful your personality is... has everything to do with the other factors i mentioned.

good luck girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 6:34am
Thanks so much.....you certainly made me feel better....:)))
Have a great day!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 7:22am

Last night one person sent me a very short email, seeming interested. I sent a longer email and he wrote back one line. That drives me crazy. Is he interested? I think not.


I wouldn't read anything much into that - at least he replied (maybe he was tired and ready to sleep but felt he wanted to at least reply).

MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 10:45am

You wrote >>>>I am so frustrated. I just want to find a nice relationship.<<<<

Shazzy, you are definately not alone in your 'old' experiences or your thoughts !
I also think that there were alot of really great responses from people on this board. The really big one is not to take it personally and yes, I know first hand that sometimes its easier said than actually done. Thats why I keep going back to referencing the two books that I recently read > JNTIY and What Men Want .

I also agree with the recommendation that its important to be very clear in your profile as to what you are looking for and what you seek in a gentleman. This definately helps to weed out the Mr. Wrongs from the potential Mr. Rights :)

In my own profile, I am very specific about the type of physical and character attributes that I am seeking in the right man. I don't think that what I ask for is unrealistic either (i.e. honesty, sincerity, affectionate, physically fit and active, etc.).

I also made it a point to state in my profile that ultimately I was seeking to establish a dating friendship that would have LTR potential. And while it appears that I do seem to be getting alot of men clicking on my profile because of my primary photo (I think...),
I too am getting little written responses back.
Maybe/Perhaps because I am very clear as to what I seek. It certainly would help to explain why so many of them don't bother to write after they've read my entire profile
in detail ..... Just some personal thoughts from LM :)