lust=doubts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
lust=doubts...
16
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 2:28pm

Ok, this guy I have a date with on Saturday, the one that I told last night I get cold sores, seems particularly lustful. Do I need to worry? Sex came up again last night, but he says I brought it up-and maybe I did. He says he doesn't want a booty call from me and he intends to take it slow in that area because he doesn't want to ruin things.

But, to get back on track, when I mean lustful is he loves food, loves sex-he made that VERY clear. He just seems lustful. Or is this how men are??

And he has 2 tattoos on his body and is a blue collar guy. Well, I'm a white collar woman. He knows all of this and made it clear that one thing that will hurt him is if a woman tells him his income/lifestyle is ok, and then changes on him. I don't care about his income because I will earn enough to get what I want/need.

Then he says I was worrying too much about the cold sore thing, and it could drive people away the way I was harping on it. He didn't seem that knowledgeable about cold sores and his explanation of them was kind of off, but I just stopped talking after a while because it was obvious I was irritating him.

And one tat is enough. For the most part, I consider them trashy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:10pm

Okay, so maybe you are just not that into him! Do you need an excuse to follow your gut? Trust your instincts.

I think he gave you fair warning...he said 'don't accept me as blue collar, then expect me to rein myself in for you'. Even if what you don't like about him has nothing to do with blue collar, that is how it will feel to him. He sounds like an okay guy---for someone else.

I'm a little stuck on this subject myself. I tend to be very much into thinking and feeling, and I really need a guy who is more into DOING. Which of course, might lead me to rethink my whole strategy of not dating people without college degrees....

sooooobig
Avatar for dani20002000
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2000
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:26pm

Really~I have a tattoo~a butterfly on my lower back and it's not too tiny either. I got it the day after my divorce last year and it signifies a fresh new start in life~a sort of metamorphasis. I don't consider it trashy at all. Maybe before you judge him you should talk to him more. Maybe his two tattoo's have a lot of special meaning to him. It just seems like you're over-analyzing everything instead of going with the flow and getting to really know this guy.

~Dani~

 BabyName Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:36pm

dani: "Really~I have a tattoo~a butterfly on my lower back and it's not too tiny either. I got it the day after my divorce last year and it signifies a fresh new start in life~a sort of metamorphasis. I don't consider it trashy at all. Maybe before you judge him you should talk to him more. Maybe his two tattoo's have a lot of special meaning to him. It just seems like you're over-analyzing everything instead of going with the flow and getting to really know this guy.

~Dani~"

Agreed about the over-analyzing. I do that too much. I think he's a nice guy. My biggest concern is what I consider to be his "lustfulness". I'm wondering if things happen between us, will I have to swing naked on chandeliers to keep him satisfied??...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:41pm

sooobig: "Okay, so maybe you are just not that into him! Do you need an excuse to follow your gut? Trust your instincts."

No, so far I am into him. He's really interested in this sport/hobby of his and I think it's a positive thing. He seems nice so far. When we kiss Saturday, that'll tell me a lot more. But, it's not that I'm not into him. I'm just concerned with what I consider to be a sexual lust. Again, he indicated that he's VERY into sex. Nothing kinky or perverted was mentioned. But, maybe ALL healthy, average guys LOVE sex. Maybe I'm overanalyzing again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 4:24pm

Purity,

I'm just a lurker here and don't participate much on any of the boards, but I've been following some of your posts. I hope I don't come across as being harsh or judgmental, but I've been through much of what you've described in these most recent threads and if you're willing to listen, I'd like to share with you a few tough lessons that I have learned about love and about life!

In the last few threads, you've discussed this man with whom you've had one date and you really are stressing out over whether or not you'll have sex with him. In previous threads, you talked about a man you dated briefly but things fell apart---but you remained rather obsessed with him, even to the point of wanting to sleep with him, even though he had a girlfriend, and you wrote that you hoped you could "win" him away from her by having sex with him.

Girlfriend, please slow down! There is so much more to relationships---so much more to YOU---than just sex! Take your time to get to know the men you meet before you start talking about or thinking about sex. Do you like the man as a person? Is he a companion to you? Does he make you laugh? Does he stimulate your mind? Do you have interests and values in common? Does he respect your individuality and do you respect his? That's what dating is all about---getting to know someone and figure out if you like him enough to continue seeing him. Certainly sex is important---it's a great way to communicate loving feelings toward another person and it's downright enjoyable. But unless all you want is sex with no strings and no expectations, you need to know if you even LIKE the other person before getting involved in the bedroom.

It's OKAY to not be interested in a guy because he's a blue collar worker or there's an educational disparity or he's too short or too tall or has kids or too many tats. You don't HAVE to be with a man simply because he asks you out. You need to know what you want---what you can live with, what you cannot tolerate.

One of the things e-Harmony does is to ask you to figure out what you want in a partner---the things you MUST have, the things you cannot stand. The list is yours---you can be as deep or superficial as you want. What matters is what is important to YOU. I met my SO on a different site than e-Harmony but I was very surprised and happy to have found a person who meets and exceeds my expectations. He has none of my "can't stands" and all of my "must haves". What the exercise did for me was to help me discern what I wanted---and I found the right man at the right time in my life. Before I met him, I dated others and some weren't into me---and I wasn't into others. My being turned down by some men doesn't mean there was anything wrong with me---my turning them down didn't mean there was anything wrong with them. We just weren't right for each other. But my SO and I ARE right for each other and trust me, he was worth the search.

He was also worth the soul-searching I did before we met so I could know myself and what I really wanted. I believe firmly that one cannot love another person until he/she loves him/herself.

I'm sorry but when I read your posts I feel frustrated, like all you want is a relationship with a man, any man and that the real Purity is being forgotten in your quest to find someone. Please, get to know yourself before you partner with someone, lest that person define you and you forget who YOU are!

Moogie

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 6:08pm

Maybe I'm overanalyzing, but does anyone else find it odd that you discussed kissing before actually kissing?

In my experience, a GREAT first kiss just happens...you don't discuss it beforehand like it's an appointment. Maybe you're forcing it with this guy too much....just my 2 cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 6:09pm

I also have a big butterfly, behind my right shoulder. I got it b/c I associate with what it represents--being a free spirit.

One of my students told me today that she thought I was "nice like a butterfly"

How cute is that???

I love tattoos, and think there is nothing wrong with them. I may get another one.

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 6:12pm

I have to be honest and say that your posts really confuse me. You contradict yourself A LOT. Are you looking for casual sex?? I'm not judging if you are. I just don't understand why someone who is not looking for a FWB/booty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 6:19pm

trav: 'In my experience, a GREAT first kiss just happens...you don't discuss it beforehand like it's an appointment. Maybe you're forcing it with this guy too much....just my 2 cents."

He brought the kissing up. He said he wanted to kiss me on our first date, but didn't want to scare me off. He says he wants me to give him a signal, so he doesn't do something I don't want him to do. He turns me on alright, especially his nice legs. ;)

Trust me, he's nice looking. I don't particularly care for his haircut, but if things progress with him, we can certainly work on that. So, yes, this Saturday, I expect some good tongue action. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
In reply to: purity2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 6:26pm

Erica: "I agree with the other poster who said that you have to know what you want before you can go about finding it. In this situation, it seems like you are trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole. I don't think you know exactly what you want- at least that's how it comes across in your posts. I'm not sure why you are so bound and determined to make it work with this particular guy when there seem to be some glaring red flags- but- at the very least, I really think you should back off the physical stuff until you know what you are getting yourself into. What's the big rush??"

What's the "glaring red flags" Erica?? Why are you the only one that sees them. No one else posted on here that they see them.

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