this makes me mad

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
this makes me mad
35
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 4:59pm

I hate when someone says stuff like the following:

<is so interesting and appreciates how relationships should be: trusting,
caring, etc, etc.>>>

Why do people say stuff like this? I am an American but of Russian origin. I have been in this country for 12 years and assimilated very well. I am not in need of anything and I grew up in a well to do family. So why is it that I am "so interesting and appreciate how relationships should be: trusting, caring". Bull****. I find comments like this very offensive.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:13pm

I don’t know but I have a male friend who is corresponding with a Russian Gal whom he’ in love with and eventually will marry. He says American Women are not for him for the same reasons where I say go to the south and you’ll get a down to earth gal but he doesn’t believe any woman exists for him here. I don’t agree with his thinking but that’s his decision not mine. I’d be curious too. If you say there is no one for you here then there isn’t...that’s negative thinking ya know? Why give up?

PS He says were too material and spoiled; self centered here - we take things for granted where in Russia they don't have anything, they cook, they clean, they know how to raise a family - they don't whine or complain like us - he says, not me!




Edited 3/15/2005 6:15 pm ET ET by small_peanut
Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:21pm

Um, what exactly is it that you are offended by? That someone respects how a relationship should be caring and trusting?

It seems to me that someone who says that is trying to have appreciation for the idea that someone who came here from somewhere else might value family more than we do in America. And believe it or not, there is some evidence that we don't, compared with some other nations- our divorce rate is awfully high, after all.

The opposite of this, of course, would be someone saying "I can't imagine hooking up with an immigrant or someone from another nation, they're just uncultured louts who only want to get a green card or a rich American spouse so they can come here (or continue to live here) without working..."

Either way, it's a stereotype that isn't entirely true. (Obviously the second one is far less flattering than the first.)

I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. It IS true that some folks come to the USA with more of an appreciation and "old-school" types of family values, with tighter knit families and placing more importance on the values of a great relationship.

It's also true that some folks come just looking to sponge off of the wealth of the USA, or to get residency because it beats the heck out of wherever they were living.

I don't think, either way, it's worth getting too upset over. Some people are racist jerks and some people idealize foreigners and there's not a heck of a lot we can do about it either way, other than to stay away from the people who are too radical on either side of the fence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:24pm

Funny thing but I don't cook, I don't clean and I don't wash anybody's socks and I complain, b**** and whine a lot :)

<>

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:26pm
That was my debate once she gets here and gets settled she’ll become Americanized—maybe not as much as some of us but you know what I mean. Sorry but when in Rome ...
Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:27pm
<>
I could argue this statement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:31pm
Go for it; I could use a good debate on this topic
Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:33pm
thanks small peanut, do you think I should come clean and tell him that umm, I don't think that my values are too different?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:38pm
I know for a fact that divorce rate in Russia is much higher then here. All the people I went to high school had gotten at least one divorce and I mean every single person! Statistics are available on-line. As far as Western European - they simply don't get married - they live together and even with that fact in mind - their divorce rate is nearly 50%. The only places where they don't divorce is probably middle east but I don't know much a bout them.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:47pm

I agree. Stereotypes in general are offensive, even when they are "positive". People should be judged as *individuals*, not based on what group or groups they happen to be a member of.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:52pm
Sheri, that would be my point exactly!

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