this makes me mad
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this makes me mad
| Tue, 03-15-2005 - 4:59pm |
I hate when someone says stuff like the following:
<is so interesting and appreciates how relationships should be: trusting,
caring, etc, etc.>>>
Why do people say stuff like this? I am an American but of Russian origin. I have been in this country for 12 years and assimilated very well. I am not in need of anything and I grew up in a well to do family. So why is it that I am "so interesting and appreciate how relationships should be: trusting, caring". Bull****. I find comments like this very offensive.

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I don't know how old you are so would you a) adopt me or b) be my big sister? I value your advice and your personality is great! :) :)
Hi Y'all,
I am 48, but I have always wanted a daughter! :)
As for those things being in my profile...Nope. I think if Ihave to bait them with that, then I have what I call "I Disease"..."I this" and "I that"--have you all been out with one of those? Man, "Insurance Man who was a Legend in his own mind" Sure had an advanced case of that!!!!!
More, I feel that is the 'hidden key'; the creme filling in the cupcake that only a select few get to experience. I have not accepted a lot of second, or third dates, until I met Mr Now, and we have our 3rd date tommorrow! He MIGHT, in time, get to find out what "Five feet of Heaven" truly means!!!
You have to believe in You, if others are gonna, too! Take 'inventory' if need be--by what I read here, I would wager that Everyone on this board would have a Lengthy "cool" list!!! :)
Truly,
Cupcake
I strongly, strongly, STRONGLY disagree about parents staying together for childrens' sake.
I can't help but wonder if a lot of my adult problems would never have happened had my parents divorced sooner.
Oh, just one more comment...there are MILLIONS of kids whose parents ARE still married, but they don't get the attention/love/nurturing/support they need.
I also
<
CGUN, I'm a living example of this. Splitting up is hard enough, learning how to parent together but living separately is a tough one. But my daughter's well being was a priority so I was willing to do the work.
The payoff is a well adjusted, good hearted, kind, humorous 17 year old with healthy self esteem and two parents who really like her a lot.
The only sacrifices made to get to this point was anger and useless pride.
Buenas Dias, Y'all,
My two sons, and Stacey, are perfect examples of the scenario she and you, PhX, describe. It Does depend on the children,and their emotional maturity,as to whether they can handle the divorce; but there are ways to help them through it, and that should be a major focus in any possibly traumatic situation. That being said:
There was NO way my sons would have learned how to treat the women in their lives Well, from their Dad.(and thus, to me, be Happy men--i hope :) When I tried to instill my ways in them, as I was the communicative one, he would get upset. Of course, it sounded wierd to him, he had NO idea how to treat his wife (me!). Now, I have had the last 6 years to impart my ways, and he,His. The boys have learned that it is best for two people to live apart and get along well. Harmony--not 'at all costs', but for the 'benefit of all'. While they Have learned important things from their father (gun safety, financial responsibility, frugality), they would have missed 'an education of the heart', if we had stayed married. Ex-hub and I began as 'getting along for the sake of the kids' after the divorce, but have really become friends, and our 'link' is two children we both love with all our heart--Whatever Type of heart that Is!
My upbringing was both violent and caustic in all ways, and I SO wanted to spare my children from the same. Happily, because their father and I act like Humans, we have been successful! He is a 'single parent', and so am I--perfect!
Truly,
Cupcake
Hi Ivos,
I would say that guy has his own idea of Russian girls, one that "he" has made up and adheres to... I can see that it might bother you.
Sorry to go off topic but I have to reply to Nice Guy's comments below:
Hi Nice Guy,
I found your comments on divorcing couples with children quite interesting and I just had to comment...
You said, "...My belief is that the divorce rate among people with children is too high. I believe that there should not be such a thing as "no-fault" divorce for married people with kids; I think that the children's needs should be placed higher, with more importance, and that there should be a darned good reason for a divorce to be granted in that case...One or the other partner merely being unhappy isn't enough; those people have a responsibility to their children, IMO, and society lets them out of that responsibility too easily..."
Do you think that it is better for two people who don't like to be with eachother to stay married only for the sake of the kids and to have these kids grow up with knowing that their parents don't like eachother, to have heard numerous disagreements or arguements throughout their childhood, and to know that their parents only stayed together because them? I ask this because I was one that stayed together through a bad marriage for the sake of the kids and feel that it would have been better to get out earlier.
When the divorce was in process, my grown kids asked me what took so long for us to split up and why I put up with their dad treating me as he did - they knew. I tried to make life as normal and happy as possible for them, but I feel I missed out on years of possibly being with a man who I loved and who loved me and to a life that might have been better for the kids had I done that.
Sure they would have had to go back and forth between us had we divorced earlier, but I think it would have been preferrable to growing up in a household where mom and dad didn't love eachother anymore and they knew this.
I know hindsight isn't worth much and can't be changed, but I give much credit to the couples who do divorce and move on in their lives and make life better emotionally for the kids. I have many divorced girlfriends and they struggle some raising their children on their own, especially the ones where the dad has all but disappeared, but I feel they are basically pretty happy with their lives and their children are not being ignored. They have huge support systems with family and friends also.
You said, "...It just tears my heart to get to know these kids and see how much they're starving for attention that they would get in a two-parent household..."
You were talking about the kids growing up and starving for attention in single parent households. Well, I have been exposed to numerous kids starving for attention in two-parent households also. My ex hardly gave my son any attention and it hurt him more, I feel, because he knew his dad was in his life but didn't care to actually "be" in his life. So just because kids are being raised in two-parent families does not mean their needs are all being met. I think there are kids in single-parent families who's needs are being met. But you are entitled to your opinion.
You said, "...I do definitely think that making people stick it out through a rough patch instead of letting them get divorced simply because they're unhappy would be better for the children and for our society in the long run..."
Who are we to MAKE anyone stay in a marriage? It is their choice. Just because you feel it would be better for the kids, for the parents to stick it out, doesn't mean it would be so.
I do realize many people do give up too easily and divorce, but IMO there are many who are staying in bad marriages only for the kids and are extremely unhappy and they are doing the kids no good because the kids sense things, even when the parents try to shield them from it.
Until a person has raised kids, I feel that it's hard for that person to really understand how difficult it is to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids. It's a very hard decision to make.
Sunshine
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