Making Time to Date

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Making Time to Date
5
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:52am

This question sort of goes along with the thread below about "Should we be spending more time together?".

I just started doing the "online" dating stuff earlier this summer. But, I've come to another roadblock within this unique system. It's not just finding the eligible, decent with some attraction type of guy; it's finding a guy with the qualities you want who is WILLING to make some time to actually date. So far, I have found 2 different guys (one I just started corresponding with) who have kids they get half the time and are big into their sporting events, etc. While their profiles SAY they want to meet someone and have someone to do things with, WHEN are they planning on having the time? I've worked 2 jobs for almost 13 years, but I assure you that I'd be willing to make the time for a guy if I was interested in him. It's like right off the bat, (before we even meet) I hear about how limited their time is. Almost like dating is at the bottom of the priority list.

While I don't have any kids, I can understand wanting to spend time with them, but I don't understand putting your profile on a dating site and then sounding like you have no time to actually date or meet anyone. Is the thrill of talking online enough for most men? It isn't for me. I want to actually talk to the person on the phone and eventually, (within a reasonable amount of time) MEET the person. I don't want someone who is pushy, but I do want someone who isn't going to drag out the online chats for months with no intention of ever meeting me or having any time for me.

Some of you dating gurus, what's up with this? How have you handled it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 12:15pm

If I run across this then I just move on to the next guy (s). Imagine dating this person and you haven’t met yet.

Trust me, there are men out there on line who have the same exact thought process when it comes to dating, email a few times, talk on the phone and then meet. That’s what I do even if I don’t find anyone to date for a few weeks it’s worth holding out for. Also, it goes in spurts, one week you have a ton of interesting prospects then boom, you go two weeks with nothing, be picky though and hold out for what you’re seeking.

If someone sounds like they are already complaining hit DELETE and don’t look back.

Ms. Peanut

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 12:59pm

Hi Mitsy,
What I guess it all boils down to is having that mutual level of attraction that motivates you/him to want to make time for each other. Believe me, when a guy is into you he will make the time.
I think that Hal 9000 said something in an earlier thread that makes sense here too...if a person you meet sits high on your list of criteria, making time for dates will be a no brainer. If that person holds a lower spot on that list (there's a level of attraction but it's not the full deal) other matters will take precedence.
Sure there are guys out there who have no business being on an OLD site, many do it merely as entertainment and/or are married/in relationships, hence the eternal e-mails/IM's. More often than not, there are those/us who really are doing OLD to meet someone but we're/they're BUSY out there meeting lots of someones;P

Chele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 1:57pm
Well that "mutual attraction" is hard to even get to if you never have time to see or date anyone. You really don't know what the attraction will be until you see and spend some time with them. If you make your schedule so full with work, clubs, kids' sporting events, and anything else you can think of, you will NEVER have time for a dating life. Amazing how many men write these great profiles and make them sound like they are ready to date, when in reality, they don't have time and perhaps joined an online site for some chats only; maybe just out of curiosity. But, ultimately, many profiles are misleading. Don't say you are ready for a committed dating relationship if you aren't. Again, that comes under "games".


Edited 10/4/2005 1:59 pm ET ET by mitsy2
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 2:07pm

<<>>

Sporting events don't last all night. If your "date" happens to fall on the sporting event night then maybe he'd just get a babysitter after the game and you'd go out a little later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 4:24pm
Ah yes...that's the big frustration in OLD, the guys who SAY they're ready to commit or are looking for an LTR, but then seem to put up these barriers.
As has been stated frequently here, it's the actions that supercede the words...or finding a guy that is capable of walking the talk. Not so easy.
Only thing to do is Delete/Next 'em if they're putting up these barriers before you've even had a chance to meet and/or get to know each other.
And it sure is better to find this out early on than getting into a relationship and wasting precious time only to be left going "WTF?"
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