Manti Te'o mystery: How do you fall in love with someone you've never met?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
Manti Te'o mystery: How do you fall in love with someone you've never met?
7
Thu, 01-17-2013 - 4:23pm

"He describes his relationship with a woman he met online as “emotional” and “authentic,” and called her the “love of his life.”

Yet as the bizarre story unravels of Notre Dame star linebacker Manti Te’o and the supposed death of the girlfriend he apparently never met face to face (he says he was the victim of hoax that invented her identity), many people are wondering how somebody could carry on such a meaningful relationship without ever sharing the same room -- much less a kiss."

Read more here.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  Easy!  just Google Romance scams. 

http://www.romancescammersworld.com/about.php

http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/financial_scams/financial_scams_4554.html

https://www.getsafeonline.org/news/basingstoke-woman-loses-home-and-life-savings-in-romance-scam/

  Worse there are sites that track your online presence showing your pictures,address,wealth,clubs,forums that make it easy for a scammer to have the background information. 

Goldfish

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

He fell in love with his idea of her, not her. You can't fall in love with someone you've never seen in the flesh.  You fall in love with what you've concocted in your head as to who they are... they have all of your best traits and temperments, not their own... which is why when people who carry on email/phone/text OLD's for longer than a month, and they finally meet, the fever-pitched interest turns into disappointment because they aren't who that person dreamed them up to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

If you are naive (remember, he's only a young guy) it's very easy to get caught up in this kind of thing.  I'm much older, yet when I started doing OLD after not having done it for about 10 yrs, I was contacted by this guy who seemed sincerely nice.  He supposedly left on a business trip right after we started talking on the phone & was very vague about when he'd be back--since it was around Thanksgiving, I assumed he'd be home by Christmas, otherwise I would have said forget it.  He started off by sending long emails with a lot of details, he sent pictures that were supposed to be of him on this trip, he was telling me what he was doing every day.  After a while things started to get suspicious and, you guessed it, he asked for money.  It was really disappointing to find out that he was just a scammer.  After that experience I started to be able to spot scammers really easily and then I got to the point of if I'm interested I'd give the guy a maximum of 2 weeks to meet or forget it.

Another friend of mine recently was chatting with this guy on the phone.  He was supposed to be in the military and soon coming home on leave.  At first she told us that he was a friend of a friend who saw her picture on Facebook--that's why I didn't warn her at first even though I thought he might be a scammer--I figured if they had a mutual friend, he couldn't be.  She was really head over heels about this guy--I think it went on for a couple of months.  Well of course he didn't come home when he said he would and then she admitted to me that she had found him on an OLD site--so really it happens a lot.

Usually it seems to be men preying on women for money, but I'm sure women do it to men too.  But it's confusing with this college guy what the motivation was, since I doubt he had any money.  I do feel bad for him being publicly humiliated.  Most people it happens to don't have to tell anyone.  But I have heard a lot of people on these boards too say they are in "relationships" with someone, or someone has been their "boyfriend" for a year when they have never actually met--it's quite the modern phenomenon and I just feel like saying to them "you don't even know this person, how can he be your boyfriend?" yet sometimes this LDRs work out when the people do meet after a while.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  Historically it is interesting that the settling of the American west was with Mail Order Brides!  But it also could be for survival. 

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2011

Why has this made the news that it has?  This is nothing more than a soap opera on a sports channel, or a gossip column on the sports page.  Come on people!  There are two wars going on,  Millions of people are out of work. These and other things can affect our country for the worse, and behoove us the voting public, regardless of partry preference, should pay attention to and understand.  And now this insignificant little whatever is taking up news space and time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009

I agree that this story has dominated the news for too long.  Come ON.  So Manti is young, I know, but a 3 year relationship without ever meeting in person??  I think Manti was in love with a fantasy and just wanted to convince himself and others that he had a girlfriend.  I wonder if he has EVER had a real girlfriend.  I saw him on Katie Couric and there was a story where he was in Los Angeles and :she”/the gf was in San Diego and Manti had the opportunity to meet but didn’t want to miss a flight. Katie was right – that made no sense.  Of course, the person behind the prank would have made another excuse.  But then Manti told his father that he met the girl and they held hands.  He admits he lied about that.  “Love of his life”??  Gimme a break.

And why is this BIG news?  I think the entire story is lame.  His parents going on Katie show crying did not move me at all. 

There are people a lot older than Manti who claim to be "in love" with someone they're only interacting with online and phone.  I worked with a guy in his 40s who bought a ring for some woman he'd been emailing with and talking on the phone with.   He moved on to another job so I don't know how it turned out.  But I remember when asked how much time they'd spent together he hedged and  then admitted they never met - a few people were rolling their eyes and making fun of him behind his back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
You are not in love, you are in a fantasy. He was young and probably insecure. Someone took advantage of the guy. Feel sorry for him, but that is the reality of OLD. You have to meet them eventually, or forget them and chalk it up to a learning experience. I have met wonderful men online, and I have met jerks. I have done some stupid things and have been lucky. But after a couple of times chatting, there better be proof that they are who they say they are!