Mark says he coming Sept. 13th!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mark says he coming Sept. 13th!!
16
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 12:00pm
Ok ladies, as you all may very well know. Mark is in Scotland and we had originally met in Feb and were planning for him to come over and meet me and be with me and my kids. Plans changed. I no longer wanted to be with Mark and thought it best he should stay or atleast if he was coming to the United States, to come on his own. Well, now he emails me and we keep in contact as friends now, but he says he is coming Sept. 13th and wants to know if I can meet him and spend the day with him helping him find somewhere to live and what not to do and where not to go. Ok, when did I become his tour guide? Ok, so no...I am not a cold hearted witch, but I did say I would meet him for coffee, cannot promise anything more. I mean, we agreed I cannot be with him, and we agreed to be friends, and no I do not mind helping him out and getting him some information, but I cannot promise this man a whole day of my time, when I have decided to end things between us.

What do you think about this?? anyone? I think it is weird, but I am only meeting him for coffee and meeting the man I did plan to be with originally. I just don't know how he expects things to work out. I feel like he is trying to convince me or something. I dont know. He wants me to sit with him and help him find a place and drive him to and from that day, and he says he will pay for gas.

I dont know.


Gail:)

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Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 12:37pm
Honestly, if it was me, I'd probably go and spend the day with him. After all that you've been through together I would want to meet him, to spend some time with him and hope to make friends with him. But at the same time, if you are not comfortable with spending the day with him, then by all means, don't do it! If you're uncomfortable when you're with him, he's going to be able to tell and neither of you are going to be happy. Do what you feel in your heart, but listen to your head. You know what you need to do, you're a smart lady :)

Lindsay

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Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:16pm
From what I read in your posts, you said u changed your plans with Mark because you weren't sure about him being there with you and your boys. Plus I believe you mentioned wanting to remain single. If those are the reasons why you changed your plans with Mark, then I don't see the harm in seeing him for the day.

Or maybe I missed something. Seems like I did, since in your post you seem a bit upset with his request. If you told him that the two of you were done and that you didn't see a future with him, then I would say no to meeting him. If this is the case...that you have told him there are no feelings there for him from you, then it sounds like he is just trying to force something here. That would be uncomfortable for you, Gail.


So I guess it all just depends on what feelings you have for Mark. I really haven't been able to tell from your posts. At first you seemed to have feelings for him...then it seemed lik you didn't. I'm not sure what made your feelings change..maybe you felt smothered? Anyway...I think if there is a chance...that you have feelings for him..then meet him. But if you know that it's done between the 2 of you, then I wouldn't bother. He needs to know that it's done. Sometimes ppl use the whole "friends thing" as a way to try to get back into someones life as more than friends.

Avatar for moonjulep
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:18pm
Hey Gail!

IMHO, it seems that you arent very comfortable with the idea of him coming, or at least with having to be his "welcome to the US, may i take your order" kinda girl! :)

I cant disagree with that, i dont think that i would be all that enthusiastic about it either, especially after reading your post from this morning about your date with Mr. Wonderful coming to hang with your boys and his daughter!

If you feel like you have a lot in common with this new guy and things may escalate in the future, than by all means, go for it girlie! I mean, he is closer (by far) and even when Mark comes, you have already laid out the boundaries of your friendship with him. If he chooses to come to the states and wants to live here, he should DEFINITELY come SUPER prepared, even if it is just by asking you questions like, "Where is a good place for me to start looking for a job/house" or things like that....which #1 will make it easier for you to just suggest things to him instead of dragging his bootie all over god's creation regardless of whether he's payin for gas or not....:) and #2 give him independence and make him not "cling" to you because he has no one else in the area (i am assuming here, so if he does....you know what i mean) :)

Anywho, thats my opinion....Good Luck and keep us posted!!!

Ky

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:23pm
Thanks Linds. You are sweet.


gail;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:27pm
Ok, kelly...you are right. Things changed. Dramatically with how i felt for Mark over the 5 months we spoke. Alot happened with me and my life, and it changed my whole idea of things. Also, yes...he was smothering me. That is one thing that completely turns me off in a man. Ya know? I never really thought about it until you just mentioned it, but that is why I seem upset about him wanting to meet me. I have put it behind me and wanted to simply remain in contact as in, "Hey, how are ya?", or "How are things going for ya?", and it seems that he is still smothering me. I cant handle that in my life right now. Pressure from a man, no...not good. SO, thank you for your post. I have to remain friends with him and as far as I can see, I will meet the man to be polite after all we, well he has been through to get here, like Linds said, but only for a short time frame. I do not feel it will help the man to spend alot of time with him. So, that is my decision. Thanks so much Kelly for giving me some perspectives.

gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:32pm
Thanks Ky, you are very right. Things are good with the new guy, but it is only the 2nd datte, week etc. I am not really looking for antyhing serious. Like, move in, marriage, and all that jazz. I like this new guy yes, and plan to spend time with him, but it has nothing to do with Mark. The decision I made with Mark was souly for purposes that I cannot committ to what the man obviously needs. He wants someone up his patootie 24/7. I mean, I thought I broke the man's heart when I told him it was over. No, he is still coming and wants to meet me. Where is the logic? Ok, so yeh...I feel smothered and do not need some man from another country clinging to me. So, if all else fails, I may have to break out the "Bitch". Sorry for the word use. I do not like to bring her out often, but when I feel pressured by someone, I have to speak up.

One thing, Mark does say that he does not want to stress me and all this, but then he also says....cant wait to speak to you again, cant wait to hear your voice again. It makes me think he is still holding on to something. I dont tell friends things like that. Ya know? So, I may have to break down the law to him. lol Like, knock, knock, is there anyone home??

What if he stalks me? EEK! lol No, now see im over reacting, something I am good at. lol


gail;)

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:55pm
Does he have a job in the US that he's going to?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 2:33pm
WEll, he is into makeup artistry, so he has a few contacts here he is looking into while he is here. He wants to get sponsored and claims that have said they will help him. I do not know how true this is or if he is going to have alot of luck. I even mentioned to him, going to NEW YORK, where it is easier to land a job in makeup, he says no. He has no one there he knows. Well, you know what I said. lol

I was like, dude!!! You only know me on line and I am so not helping you when you get here, like you think. I am a single mother and have no means to help you. I am busy woman and do not have time to carry you everywhere. I told him that a while back. So, I dont know. He is really kinda buggin me now.


Gail:)

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 2:39pm
I really think then if that's the case, you need to tell him you won't be meeting with him. Maybe he's just coming here because he thinks he can make things work with you? Do you think he would still go to the US if you told him that u would not EVER meet with him at anytime?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 2:45pm
Yes, he said he was coming even the day after we ended things. He asked if I would still meet him a few days after that.I told him I might. I was hoping he wouldnt get enough money to come and just not come, but he keeps emailing me how much he hates his job and blah blah. SO, yeh...he claims he is still coming since he has spent time and money on the visa and passport. He claims I was the reason he was coming intially, but now it is the "opportunity" he is coming for. Well, either way....I may meet him, if I am not busy, but otherwise, the man is on his own.


Gail:)

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