Married? Unavaliable? What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Married? Unavaliable? What do you think?
14
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 3:02am
Ok, where shall i start? It may be a long one!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 5:12am

Rebecca,

I'm sorry to sound like the bearer of bad news here, but I think this guy's #1 a little smooth talker and #2 playing games. First off, he is married isn't he? Isn't that what separated means, that you're married but currently separated? That right off the bat would send me running the other way. As a woman I'm not wasting any time, nor investing any emotions on a man who can, at any moment, decide to go back to his wife (or 'home') and leave me high and dry. If he's 'separated' and not yet divorced, he sure isn't wasting any time trying to hook up with women online is he? That's not too promising. And as a general rule, I don't think it's safe to date men who haven't been divorced for at least a year--they can carry a lot of emotional baggage you won't want to deal with--been there, done that.

Now, I read what he said and yes, he seems to be very eloquent, good writer and okay, let's give him 'fun', but personally, from experience, those smooth talkers are basically bulls***ers! How can he 'miss you' if he won't even meet you? And I'm sorry, I'm pretty straight-forward and direct. He seems to be evasive and I don't like it when people speak in parables or whatever he's trying to accomplish by being 'cute'....he's not Jesus, okay? I'm a believer that whatever you have to say, say it clearly. Don't beat around the bush, don't give me clues, don't give me analogies. I don't want to have to decipher or try and figure out what a man is telling me. To me, that's not effective communication. My question to him would be 'Are you married? Yes or no?'. Are we going to meet, yes or no? Simple and direct. It's not hard. E-mails are fun at all, and it's nice to keep a sense of humor, but you've swapped e-mails long enough. This is not going to get you anywhere if you never get to meet this guy.

Also, all this about 'leaving the barn door closed when the horse has escaped', him comparing himself to an onion because he's a lawyer and has several 'layers' like one and 'if the planets are aligned right perhaps we can meet' seems REALLY cheesy to me. Be REAL. Also, I think it was somewhat tacky for him to tell you he'd had rendevouxs in airports before ..he may have meant it to be funny, but for me that would've been a turn-off. It's sort of a tactless remark to tell a woman IMO. I thought it was an interesting choice of word though: RENDEVOUX. He didn't say he'd meet people at airports before, or had coffe with people there before...no, he used a word that, for the most part means little sexual or romantic affairs. To me that means PLAYER. He also pretty much is telling you from the e-mails you posted that he's not looking for anything serious--he wants something 'light and breezy'. In my opinion, all the signs are there. You know what you're getting with this guy.

Whether or not you continue corresponding with this man is your choice. I don't know what you're looking for right now, something serious, just a friend or what, but obviously, he's smitten you to some extent because you're anxious to meet him and he's not really coming through for you for even this simple matter--a brief meeting. 70 miles is not far away at all. He could be there in an hour if he wanted. I'd move on, but that's me. Let us know what you decide and just be careful.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 5:29am

"Separated" = "STILL MARRIED"

2.5 to 3 months and hasn't made the time to meet you yet?

He's Just NOT That Into You.

Whether he's married and sneaking, or genuinely separated and just hesitant, or semi-separated but not supposed to be playing, or single and just a goof doesn't matter.

What matters is that it's been MONTHS and he hasn't met you. Period. He hasn't cleared out a single day/evening to come 70 miles- just 70 MILES- to meet you.

Move on, woman. You already know the answers to your questions- face up to them and move on down the road.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 5:36am

Thanks for taking the time to write all that out!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 6:16am
lol, Im singing that song from the Jeffersons after reading your post!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 10:22am

Married? Yes


Unavailable? Yes


What do you think? Next!


Yeah Rebecca...I'd take a pass on this. I agree with what the other posters have said and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 10:51am

<< I dont believe in games, but i think he needs to either sh*t or get off the pot. >>

Heh, I agree. I would be really suspicious of anybody who writes such long (and ungrammatical) emails. And it is very telling that he avoids meeting with you--you haven't even seen him in person, right? He tries to build himself up as somebody who he isn't. That's why he is afraid to meet with you. And of course, he is also unavailable (married, whatever). But even if he was available, I am quite sure that you would not want to have anything to do with him if you got to know him better. I have had some encounters (luckily, very brief) with these "long email writers" on dating websites. Usually the emails are so long because there is nothing else at all to the person. These emails to virtual strangers are the only means by which these people can build themselves up, and pretend that they actually are somebody (usually a very different person from who they really are). That's why they also don't want to meet.

ETA: I think his quote about how he is cautious to meet with a woman because they immediately "want so much more," also indicates that at best, he is just looking for a fling.




Edited 6/29/2006 11:01 am ET by pimbiroo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 2:30pm
Ugh, I feel like I need a shower after his responses.
heather 5-18-10
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 3:29pm

Me too...ick, ick, ick!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 4:04pm

Cheleinsf, my hat's off to you. You managed to say in 4 or 5 lines what it took me a whole darn page to try and say. You are amazing!! *applause*

I couldn't have put it better myself. Rebecca deserves more than this turkey.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 5:38pm
Well he might not have a computer at home, not everyone does. I know in this day and age and all but really some people don't. I would just say, OKAY I'm home lets meet. Just lay it out there. No more shifting around, your back from Italy and lets hook up dude. Do you have a phone number for him??? I'd call him on the weekend, that will give you a sense of if the guy is married or not, if you can't reach him ever on the weekend if his phone is ALWAYS off, that would make me a bit suspicious. Oops I just read the rest of the posters, sorry I admit I skimmed through the post I missed the unorthodoxed seperation part...yup married. DEFINITELY MARRIED!!!!! NEXT HIM PRONTO!


Edited 6/29/2006 5:41 pm ET by sniffle_sally

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