? on Match, the "do not drink" answer ..

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Registered: 03-15-2004
? on Match, the "do not drink" answer ..
23
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 12:07pm

Maybe its b/c of my background - & please, I dont mean to offend ANYone here. But guys who write that they "do not drink alcohol", scare the hell out of me.


Why? Mostly b/c to me it means they are very likely a recovering/sober alcoholic.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 12:15pm

As a non-drinker (sober 12 years), I would be happy to have someone who thinks like you pass me by.

Sheri

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Registered: 11-20-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 12:26pm
This isn't necessarily true. I haven't drank in 13 years. I am not an alcoholic or substance abuser. My father was an alcoholic, and so was my last husband. Now, while I do have a health issue that restricts my drinking, I am allowed 1 or 2 drinks occasionally. But, I choose not to. Everyone has a different reason for NOT drinking. Some people don't drink for religious reasons. Maybe you should find out why before judging anyone.
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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 12:51pm

Sheri- Obvioulsy I offended you. & that was not my intention. At all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 12:59pm

I assume this was to me & not to Northwesterner?


Thats why i asked when or how the appropriate way WOULD be to bring it up to someone?

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Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 1:10pm

I prefer to date a man who drinks too especially since I have more of an appreciation for wine and to me there is nothing sexier or romantic then going wine tasting one weekend in Napa Valley or share a bottle over a long dinner.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 1:19pm

No, I'm not offended, exactly--I understand why you feel the way you do given your experiences, but I just wouldn't want to be with someone who was always worried that I would relapse, so that's why I say that it would be best that someone who thinks like you pass me by. I also wouldn't want to be with someone to whom I had to prove that I could still be "fun" without alcohol, or that I could enjoy things like fine dining and travel without alcohol.

Sheri

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Registered: 03-05-2006
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 1:34pm

Oooh, interesting topic for me: child and grandchild of alcoholics. My STBX is the same.

I'm also not interested in dating an alcoholic. Period. Dry, reformed or otherwise. NOt even the child of an alcoholic. HOwever, it is a sneaky disease and you just can't assume that someone even knows they are a adult child of an alcoholic, or grandchild.

Like everything on an online profile,there is lots of room for exaggeration, obfuscation and downright deceit. If someone says they don't drink, maybe they are a teetotaler from birth? Ultra religious? Health reasons not related to alcoholism? And on the flip side, if someone says they drink occasionally or socially, who is to say they aren't just an alcoholic in denial?

So I don't think I would discount someone on the basis of that brief comment on a profile. Better to brush up on the signs of addiction and how it relates to families, then make a case by case evaluation.

And you know, I don't hesitate to bring it up in casual conversation. If someone can't deal with the fact that my mother is an alcoholic, I need to know. Or if they think it is cool that she is an alcoholic, I need to know. I've got nothing to hide.

And I didn't think your post was judgemental---you are clearly worried about your self.
t

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 1:55pm

I wouldn't make an assumption by that alone that they are an alcoholic, I know quite a few people that don't drink and it's not because they are alcoholics.

What if his religion doesn't allow drinking, what if he has a health issue that requires he doesn't drink what if he just doesn't like the taste of alcohol or maybe he's a health nut. Who knows there are plenty of reasons why someone would select that, or maybe he accidently checked it off when he meant to click "sometimes".




Edited 7/22/2006 1:57 pm ET by sniffle_sally
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Registered: 03-18-2005
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 2:17pm

PS and I didn't think your post was judgemental - kudos to you for speaking what you want and what you prefer - nothing wrong with that. The reality and again no offense to those in AA is there is a risk that a person in AA could relapse - it does happen everyday. I know of a girl that did and her BF tried but in the end could not handle it. It's a true reality .... it's no different then dating someone who used to be hooked on crack, someone who has a mental disorder i.e. bipolar - it's really a personal choice .... that's why you need to be honest with yourself before entering a relationship that it "could happen".... it's an illness afterall! I'm not speaking for me I'm speaking in general that is why people think that way! Think of all the short bald men that get passed up everyday based on their look. We all get passed up on, I do, you do for whatever reasons - we're all dating and we all have different things we look for.

 
 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 2:42pm

I agree and that's why I'm not really offended. Everyone has the right to choose their preferences in who they date. I know and accept that being an alcoholic in recovery is going to limit my dating options--that's just a fact, and being upset about it or offended isn't going to change the reality of what is, so it's not worth it to feel that way. It's just another thing among many things that sucks about the disease ;-).

Sheri

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