A match for everyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
A match for everyone?
43
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 5:11pm

Some friends and I have been discussing our single status, and that of people who seem to be willing to settle just so they aren't alone, or people who are just poison, yet they have an SO, etc.

I'm wondering - does everyone have a "meant to be"? Meaning, that one match out there that's meant for you, and when you are meant to be, you will meet and the timing and everything will be right.

I know there are wonderful examples of "yes", like our own dear gigi and his wife, but is it for EVERYONE?

I think the frustration our particular group is having is that we are all attractive, smart, together people, yet can't seem to meet decent people to date. Yes, we see the train wrecks who manage to find love.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 5:23am

I was married for ten years until 4th july 2002.

I am not in a hurry to tie the knot again if ever
It is not all its cracked up to be
Looking in from the outside it seems all so rosy but until a device is found that can read minds never fully trust what you see.

If you ask 100 married (Honest) women if they would do it again without loss of status, income,etc
65%will say pass.

The biggie is this, What makes one person go all goey and mushy could have you running a mile.
Some of the guys you look at and go NAH!! are being hurled down the aisle at the speed of light by some women and to them the guy is a good catch (I do wonder really)

Go to the marriage boards on this site look around even the happily married sites and youll see that One ladies Mr perfect might be your WTF

It is better to hold out for the right person than to settle. My disatisfaction threshhold is very low and I dont want to be or make another person feel bad because I feel they are less than I want or deserve.

In as much as I dont believe there is a meant to be, "One" that the universe predestined for me,I know that there is a serendipity of Preparedness meeting Opportunity.
My preparedness could be acquiring more of the virtue of patience, or compassion or letting go of some of my ego or what ever it is I need to do. On the outside some of the couples you see could be seemingly less deserving of being part of a pair but in the Grand scheme of things they are ready for good or worse for that next phase of their journey.

Attractive Smart Together equals high standards and even higher expectations and those are not around every corner.
hang in there, dont settle and it will be worth the wait.

To whom more is given more is expected, If Creation deems it fit for you to be gifted smart and attractive, the pain of settling will be worse than that of some clueless dim bulb.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 11:45am
Well stated. Marriage is a journey - did you watch Dr. Phil this week? (smile)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 11:53am

No, I need to start DVRing certain shows now that I have it, it's great!

I did DVR Oprah on Monday - Reeth Witherspoon spoke of her marriage and how she openly goes to counseling and that all couples could benefit - not that anything is wrong with her marriage rather that marriage is a journey - that's where I got that from :-)

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 12:04pm

Great post! I was just thinking that this morning == possibly thinking that maybe I'm too "rigid", but believe I'm not. I have a gf who has made some bad choices, had sex too quickly (even after the guy stood her up) but always seems to be in a relationship. Of course, not a healthy one, but it just seems as if she is always going out on dates. Hey I like sex too, but I'm not willing to "give it up" on the first date.

Anyway, I lost my mother 1-1/2 years ago, and my Dad remarried this past weekend. He will be 70 years old in 2 weeks and I'm like geez, how come I can't find anyone! (smile)

I was once married (for 3 weeks -- and 4 months later to get the divorce) and only did this because I thought I should marry the man I was pregnant by. Talk about being spontaneous! Anyway since then I've had about 2-3 (healthy) relationships and 5-6 (unhealthy) ones but nothing lead to engagement and/or marriage. I also have some gf who have been engaged 3-4 times! Geez!!

Regardless, I'm 45 yo and still believe that there is someone out there for me. Of course, it could NEVER happen and that is why although I seek a relationship, I only know that it will be an addition to my life, not a completion. It may end up that I may not get married or end up in a fulfilling relationship, so it is imperative that I continue living my life and doing things I enjoy and of course, hope that during this journey, someone jumps on the train. Unfortunately, the last few I had to kick off!! (smile)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 1:04pm

I think the frustration our particular group is having is that we are all attractive, smart, together people, yet can't seem to meet decent people to date. Yes, we see the train wrecks who manage to find love.


If you are alone and single you are in the same boat as the train wreck.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 4:31pm

I think there's a lot of "right" people out there for everyone. I found the "right" guy when I was 15, then I found him again when I was 22 and again when I was 24. Tee hee hee. What I'm trying to say is I learned something from each of my long term relationships and all those guys were "right" at the time. People and circumstances change. I'm not saying I never get scared I'm going to never find a guy who'll be "right" long enough to marry me, but at least I know I'm willing to wait. Even if it means waiting forever. My sister settled, married a loser, and started talking divorce 6 months after the wedding. Who want's that!

As for the train wrecks... even woman with bad teeth deserve love, right Sniffles??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 10:49am
Yes apparently more than I. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 12:07pm

I am one of the few 45-year olds who has never married. I dated the wrong guy for way too many years and was engaged to him, although I can see that engagement means nothing if you have no date set and the guy isn't making any strides to make it a reality. Looking back, I'm so glad I did not marry him.

I ended things with him permanently 6 years ago. Sad thing is I've never met the "right" one since then. I have dated some and deeply cared for one or two along the way. Things didn't pan out, and like other people, I also wonder how some people seem to find the person they're meant to be with and others (like myself) are still without a significant other. It's hard to go with the flow sometimes, and I have to admit that I want more in life than just work and hanging out with girlfriends. However, I also try to keep in mind that I'm not so desperate as to take just any guy who comes along. It's better to be alone than to be with someone and STILL be lonely. I've been there, and it isn't a pleasant place to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 12:52pm

I had a near miss with marriage to the wrong person (again!). He was a decent enough guy, but I overlooked one thing after another which made him not the one for me, just because I got caught up in being in a relationship, security, etc. We were getting pretty serious when more and more flaws were revealed as we spent more and more time together...finally I knew I had to end it, even though it would mean being alone...indefinitely. It's a frightening thought, but now that I've had a glimpse of being in a relationship with the wrong person...being alone is better, I swear...I'll wait.

Having said all this, I'm still impatiently waiting for Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right-for-me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 1:28pm

>I have to agree with all the people who keep
>saying that OLD is a numbers game...it's all
>about increasing the odds by sheer numbers.

I wonder if comments like this give people a false sense of hope about OLD. What if "The One" for you is someone who would never use OLD? I think dating is a numbers game but you need to be selective about where your numbers come from.