Match Profile Turn Offs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Match Profile Turn Offs
12
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 11:58pm

So, I have been on Match for about a month. Met a great guy, we went out a few times, met him and his friend out the other night. Everything seemed to go great, but now it is more than 3 days after the date ended and he seems to be avoidant.

Well... I am wondering... if you were dating someone online and they changed something about their profile, would you be upset? Like if I changed stuff "about me" and my quote, would you question whether I was trying to look for other people?

I can't figure out why I haven't heard from him and am thinking that really is the only thing I can think about (unless he figured he was going to get action and didn't, but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy anyway!).

Help. Is that a turn off? Would it bother you?

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:18am

I find that when I finally do a date (since I have been "in between" relationships) that when I finally do meet an online woman, I find myself facing the reality of .. wow, a real person wanting a real relationship! This is something I said and thought I want but.... now it's a reality, do I really want to make the time and effort to follow through? Sometimes I go back into my comfort zone and do not try to keep the ball rolling, i.e. I don't follow up.

Remember it's never about YOU.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 7:03am

Mark's advice is sound--it's never about you.


But why did he stop contact? There could be 100 reasons. But honestly do you want to waste your time trying to figure them out? If a person is willing to just *poof* up and leave, then they do not deserve your energy and time wondering why. If he did stop contacting you because you changed your profile then that's a pretty poor excuse.


Curious though... why do you think he's avoiding you? Have you tried contacting him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 7:29am

I think both Mark and Kerry hit the nail on the head. I also want to add that...it's only been three days, so maybe he will call you, and has thought about it but doesn't want to seem too eager.

is there anything you could have said to allude to your being busy this week? 'Cause when R and I first started dating, sometimes I really didn't hear from him for a few days either, and after our first date, I am gald I contacted him, b/c he thought I wasn't interested.

Just food for thought, Hope I can help : )

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 1:18pm

As has already been said, three days isn't that big a deal and it likely doesn't have anything to do with you.

Early on I sometimes find myself putting off calling a girl, not because I don't want to, but because I worry I'm one awkward phone conversation away from undoing all that has gone well so far. Its tempting to just sit on a good date at times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 1:58pm

thor_orion: "Early on I sometimes find myself putting off calling a girl, not because I don't want to, but because I worry I'm one awkward phone conversation away from undoing all that has gone well so far. Its tempting to just sit on a good date at times."


I suspected this with my new guy friend when he cancelled on me just hours before what was supposed to be our first meet. When he'd said he'd call me over the weekend & I hadn't heard from him, I sent him a gentle email reminder saying "Alien Abduction?" I didn't hear from you this weekend, are you still out there or did the aliens get you? (We had both talked about being sci-fi nuts)


Well it worked. He said because of his busy weekend, he'd put off calling me and then was embarrassed to pick up the phone. He said when he saw my email he thought, at least I know she's still interested in meeting in person. It worked for me as we've seen each other nearly every weekend since.


So my advice is keep it light and funny, and I think it only works in the early stages -- otherwise we're being a pest, even if by email.


Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 7:34pm
I'm curious to understand where you're coming from... what did you mean by "otherwise we're being a pest, even if by email."
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 8:02pm

maybe the context of the comment wasn't quite right... You see I'm trying to practice this wait and see attitude lately. Everyone goes on about letting him pursue, so if I don't hear from him for a few days, now I'm less likely to pester him with that light and funny reminder email or pick up the phone to see what's up with him.


I definitely don't have this all figured out yet. But I look back at some of my past experiences and I see a pattern of pushing them to do things at my pace and nearly everytime it failed. I also read a lot of these posts about why hasn't he called, where is he, he hasn't responded to my email yet and I think if we give into every whim we have to contact them, we'd be bugging them... Just my thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 8:08pm

Ahhh now that makes sense... I took it to mean something totally different than what you meant! Glad I asked. I'm with you though, if a man is really interested in a woman, she'll know it. I never really understood that until I met my boyfriend. I always had these excuses as to why guys in the past didn't call or was thinking of ways to get them to initiate contact and thought that was ok. That is until I met my guy and he's really taught me that if a guy is into you, you will have NO doubt about it.


Now mind you, I know with OLD other things come into play... but I'm definitely with ya.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 10:50pm

I didn't even think of that! Your statement makes sense... we went out 3 times, chatted and emailed. Perhaps he just realized where it was going and decided that he didn't want to go that way.

Thank you for that! Thinking this way is far better than letting my overactive imagination get the best of me!

Have a fabulous night!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 10:54pm

I emailed him Monday (since I'd not heard from him since we each went to our respective cars on Friday night, after we met).I just asked how the rest of his weekend was and cracked a joke about something I did, nothing serious. I certainly didn't ask why he hadn't gotten back to me!

He responded, but the message was terse. Very, "My weekend was good, I hung out at home yesterday, I am very busy at work." As opposed to the usual friendly chatter from him.

But, you are correct, he certainly doesn't deserve the energy I am putting into wondering why. Thank you for your great response.

I know it is easier to blame ourselves than to see fault in another... You made me feel much better!

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