Maybe I don't have the heart....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Maybe I don't have the heart....
4
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 4:18pm

(or the self-esteem) for this OLD! I'm really pretty new to this, only been doing it for about a month or so, but this is tough! How long have you all continued with OLD before actually meeting someone you like, are attracted to or even get along with?

I don't know if it's my profile (maybe too boring?), my pics (am I THAT hideous?) or just me in general, but the only guys that wink/email are.....well, not exactly (or even close to) my type. Although I continue to email with a couple, as I would like them as friends if nothing else. And every potential guy I wink or email....doesn't respond. It's so frustrating.

Really, do you all goes months and months without any connections? How do you handle the rejection or non-response? I just keep plugging along, but sometimes I wonder.....

gem

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:56pm

First - non-responses DO NOT mean there's anything wrong with you. Sometimes:
- guys have profiles up but aren't paying members, so can't respond
- guys are too busy/lazy to respond
- they are dating someone else or communicating with too many people

OLD does take time, and it takes a thick skin. Remember, it is really hard to know how amazing someone is by reading a two-dimensional profile online. Don't take it personally if people aren't knocking down your door based on a profile.

If you'd like, send us a link to your profile and we can offer tips for making it "pop" more. Some general tips:
-make sure you say something unique about you that stands out from the crowd(EVERYONE says "I am just as comfortable in a T shirt and jeans as a fancy dress and heels" - don't use that line)
- use a clear, crisp photo in which you are smiling
- no photos of you with other men, even if it is just your brother
- don't print a laundry list of what you want in a guy, it's a turnoff for many men (i.e. must make a lot of money, must have blue eyes, must have a great car, etc.)

Finally, I say just give it time. A month is not long enough to get a ton of decent responses and connections. Give it a few months at least, I'd say.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 12:31pm

Tallgirl....

Thanks for the response. I'd never really thought about them not being able to respond. Although I had considered the "lazy" part! LOL!

I guess I am just being impatient! Bad, bad habit of mine. I have made a few changes to my profile and I'll probably tweek it a little more. I do have a bit of a laundry list, but they are mostly generalizations. Ya know....employed, integrity, sense of humor. Same basic things everyone looks for, but maybe I'll have to re-think that part too and make some more changes.

On a good note....I did receive a wink from someone that I'd actually be interested in. So I emailed him. We'll see how it goes from there.

Thanks for your help and input. I may take you up on your offer to evaluate my profile in the future.

Thanks again.

gem

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 6:09am
A month isn't nearly long enough to really get a lot of responses to your profile. Some guys don't log in every day and new members join all the time. Here are a few tips to better your odds. Post your profile on more than one site. Have a friend review your profile to give you an honest opinion. I write and edit friend's profiles all the time. You would be suprised what a little tweaking can do. For example, my friend was using the title "Looking for Love" and I had her change it to "Loves Football, loves to Cuddle" (because she does). The response was amazing. Your pics should be recent, one head shot and one full body if possible. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. No one is hideous.
If you have a profile that let's your personality and sense of humor shine through than you shouldn't have to wink at anyone. They will find you, believe me. Do not take a no response to a wink as rejection. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't find you appealing anyway. A month is not really long enough to have sucess. It could take a year. Or it could happen next week. For me, it took 6 months. I met some attractive, interesting men, emailed a few, met a few for dinner, but no sparks. Then this goofball with no picture winks at me (he had to join to contact me). And something about the way he worded things made me smile. I winked back, and the rest is history. We've been together 2 years. If something happens and we don't work out, I would not hesitate at all to post my profile again. Be patient and good things will happen. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:20am

I agree with all the others.

heather 5-18-10