Maybe this is not for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Maybe this is not for me
4
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 7:36pm
I am not new to online dating at all as I have done it in the past couple of years for short spurts at a time. Recently I signed up for a three month subscription on Yahoo. If anything I have only had mediocre success with this method. So of course thinking that this time will be different from all others I took the plunge again. I initially emailed a lot of guys and of course maybe only a small fraction would actually respond. So a I exchanged numbers with a few(I only give out my cell) but I am finding that our contact never gets beyond the initial call. I had one guy mention that he was interested in getting to know me better and where do we go from here questions. We talked once and he just poof and disappeared off the planet. I refuse to play phone tag or chase after anyone so I moved on. Another guy just seemed content with just emailing back and forth and it never progressed to an initial call at all. I am just getting frustrated with this whole process again. The hard part is I am not doing this at all to be in a relationship right away. I just thought it would be a way to build some social contacts in my new city. I moved to Charlotte about three months ago and don't know a soul here. I guess I am just getting lonely. Anyway thanks for listening. I just had to vent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 8:26pm
Don't give up! Last year at this time, I was ready to call Match.com quits. I had been divorced for several years, and was new again to the dating scene. A relationship that had resulted from Match.com had ended badly. To get over that jerk, I decided to tweek my search again, and up popped D*****. I winked at him, then we emailed and met. 6 months later, we became engaged...and we have been engaged for nearly 6 months now. He is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I nearly missed him! He is not the kind of guy who hangs out in a bar, or lets people fix him up. We never would have met if it were not for Match.com! Don't give up, just remember to not discount the "nice guys". They're the best ones out there! Don't be afraid to make the first move. And the person who is right for you will pursue you! It DOES happen!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 8:26pm
Trust me, it is not just you. The men who contact me on the site usually don't have anything common with me and are not my type at all. The men I contact who I feel are compatible with me or who get in touch with me either never respond or disappear on me at one point or another. I had one not call me for a week after I gave him my number at his request, and then he emailed me like a week later to tell me that he is taking a break from dating because he's so busy with work and that he was rude for asking for my number and not calling, etc. However, I see that he's been active in the last 24 hours for the last few days. If you're not interested in me, don't email me with some dumb excuse and and just move on. I just hate how much of my time is wasted on these guys emailing back and forth if nothing comes of it. I have a month and a half left to my subscription and when it's up, I'm taking a break from on-line dating for a while. That and keeping my options open in the real world. I would advise you to do that because I've found that you can't count on being more successful on-line than when meeting people face to face.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2005
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 8:49pm

Hi,

I'm on match.com. I have e-mailed with a couple of men. It's weird to see that they are online but not communicating with me, e.g., answering my last e-mail. But I guess that is how the dating game (online) goes.

I'm not sure if this is for me as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:08pm

I will tell you what others told me..."it's a numbers game". I had been doing OLD since last May (both on Yahoo & Match). I had not been a paying member of Yahoo for several months when I finally get an e-mail from a local guy who gave me his instant msg. address in the e-mail (he said in case I was not a paying member). I had just been burned for about the 4th time from an online date that was another first and only deal. I had also been dealing with some major self-esteem issues due to my dismal track record with dating in general--not just the online stuff. I thought seriously about not responding to this guy because I didn't need more hurt and disappointment plus I thought that someone who actually lived in the same town was probably not likely to be someone I would match up with. Believe me, I thought I had met every eligible single guy in the area who was even close to my age, so I had big reservations about contacting him.

Turns out, he was born and raised in the same town I live in but had not lived here in 20 years. It was almost like he was new to the area while having roots here at the same time. Long story short, we have been dating for over a month and while I'm still getting used to having a guy in my life and dealing with how men and women think differently about things, overall, it has been great! He is so much better than any of my previous dating experiences and treats me well and wants to spend time with me--something that is so important if you're dating. The ones that seem interested but do not contact you regularly are not serious about wanting a real relationship. Time is a big investment, but it is necessary to see if you both are suited for one another. I'm still in shock that I found a guy who fits me in so many ways.

So, do not give up. Take breaks from it when you need to; I know I did when I didn't think I could stand another let-down. However, you never know when the next one might be the one you've been waiting for. I almost missed out because of my past fears and disappointments. It really IS a numbers game, and I'm now a believer in that.