Meeting an on-line friend...need advice!

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momwarnedu
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Meeting an on-line friend...need advice!
6
 Tue, 07-08-2003 - 8:38am
In about one month I am meeting a female friend I have known for years on-line. We are great buddies. She is single and dates and quite the flirt. I have had a lustful crush on her for a long time.

We've always talked about meeting and lo and behold a few weeks ago she invited me out for the weekend....here's the tough part. We can talk about anything...and do....and about a month ago...she hooked up her webcam....and put on one heck of a show!!! I've been living in a cold shower ever since then. :)

So last night....we're talking about me coming for the weekend and out of the blue she hits me with the...."You know we need to clear up one thing.....don't expect to sleep together when you're here."

Her statement did not surprise me...but I don't know why she would say that considering we are two highly sexual people. She knows I am not looking for a relationship...nor would one ever develop between us...we live too far away.

I responded that sleeping with her is not the reason I am visiting...which is true...and I am still going to visit....but the difficult part is knowing how we really flirt and tease each other is going to kill me while I am there because I do want to sleep with her...but I can and will behave.

My questions are why would she say what she did knowing I don't want a relationship with her...that she most likely knows I have a physical crush on her...and that she's shown all on the webcam to me? Is it a pre-defensive move? What is the deal here???

Regardless, I'll still go.....and have fun....but I think the flirting will still go on from her, especially if we go out and party...and I'll end up sleeping in the cold showers!!!

Can anyone explain this to me?

Signatures On
cl_bastphilliy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: momwarnedu
Meeting an on-line friend...need advice!
 Tue, 07-08-2003 - 8:54am
I think she was putting it on the table. SInce you both have teased and flirted she wanted to make it known. No hidden agenda but to make sure it is out in the open before you come.

Marie

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momwarnedu
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: momwarnedu
Meeting an on-line friend...need advice!
 Tue, 07-08-2003 - 9:06am
True. But what is so confusing to me is she had no qualms about putting on a very high charged, and personal, show for me via her cam...but then throws up this rule before I get there. It makes no sense to me. "Sure....look all you want......but don't expect to touch or see IRL"

Talk about mixed signals!!!

My plan is to go...have fun...come home. But the biggest thing that frustrates me about relationships and women is there is rarely a clear signal. It's like" read between the lines"

That's what really made me wanna be friends with her...because up untill this thing...she's always been upfront...sensible...and to the point.

cl_survivingdivorce
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: momwarnedu
Meeting an on-line friend...need advice!
 Tue, 07-08-2003 - 9:09am
Welcome first of all and I would say this girl is a typical TEASE. Seriously, she gets off on flirting, but when it is time to put up....she cant put out. She just like the reaction she gets from you is all. Being on line is harmless sexually, but when it is in person...the rules change. She knows she cannot flirt as much, and is laying down the rules now. If I were you, I would respect that wish of hers, just as you seem to be and go and have a good time. Dont worry so much about the sexual side of things. IF something happens, well it is meant to be. IF not, oh well. I would try not to allow her to tempt me, if possible. lol When sex comes up, try and avoid it. Simply because if you two meet for the first time and there ends up being something physical, it may fizzle out before it starts with you two. SO, be careful. Just go and meet her and have fun. No pressure.

Goodluck!

Gail

momwarnedu
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: momwarnedu
Meeting an on-line friend...need advice!
 Tue, 07-08-2003 - 9:18am
I think you are correct. Honestly....I thought of playing the sympathy thing but knew in my heart that was wrong. After reading your response...I think the thing to do is avoid all sexual talk and not to respond to her flirts...even in a silly response response. That way...I avoid the cold showers....and no one gets hurt. The last thing I want is to deal with uncomfortable feelings. I'll keep the fantasies to myself
momwarnedu
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: momwarnedu
Meeting an on-line friend...need advice!
 Tue, 07-08-2003 - 9:35am
Wouldn't you know it?! I just get a phonecall from her and she has a company meeting that weekend now.

She tossed out other dates to look at...........but none work. Now it's gonna be late fall if it ever works out. CRAP!!!!

Anyway....thanks for the advice all.

cl_survivingdivorce
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: momwarnedu
Meeting an on-line friend...need advice!
 Tue, 07-08-2003 - 9:40am
I think this girl, wants you sexually and she cannot admit it. WEll now, that is interesting. She knows somethng will happen. Well, I would just reassure her, nothing will. If you can. lol Make her understand where you coming from and maybe if she knows you are not looking to just roll in the sack, she will feel more comfortable about meeting.

Gail

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