Men and the phone

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Men and the phone
7
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 2:47pm
I have a question..why do men say they'll call you and then don't? I went out with this guy I met through eHarmony..nice guy..we agreed to meet for a movie (bad idea for a first date if you tell me!) He was a nice guy, though we didn't get to talk much, I would have liked to have gone out with him again just to get to know him a little bit better. As we walk out and go our seperate ways he says "Can I call you tomorrow, maybe we can do this again?" I was like "Sure, definitely!" Next day passes, then the next..and so on with no phone call..Why do guys say this if they don't mean it? I don't think I gave off any bad signals..I was open and nice..maybe we just didn't click?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 4:09pm

This is a question that will never have a good answer, because the reason is different for each person who does it. It could be he's a liar, it could be he thinks that's a nice way to end a date, even if he has no intention of calling, it could be he met someone else...who knows???

What I have found works best for me is to not get hung up on the whys and just accept that this happens, frequently. I may not LIKE it, but my not liking it isn't going to change other people's behavior. I treat each contact with a guy I'm talking to online or dating as though it were the last, at least in the early stages, and take every commitment they make with a HUGE grain of salt. If he comes through, great; if not, I'm already talking to other people and making other dates, so it's no biggie.

What you can't do is take it personally. Even if it was "something you did" (which it probably wasn't) all that means is that he wasn't right for you, because someone who is right for you wouldn't be bothered by whatever it was that you did!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 4:28pm

I'd say the best answer is that a lot of men LIE! Unless he gives you a definite that he will call, I don't count on it. I'd agree that it's likely he might not have known how to end the date and maybe that sounded like a good way to end it.

I still believe that it's mostly a "man's world" when it comes to dating. I think many (especially with OLD) are like kids in a candy store. They can never decide what they want so they never stick with one long enough to find out if they were a really good mix. I say this assuming that you did seem to hit it off really well. I don't try to pretend to be overly interested if I'm not, so it's hard to gauge what a man thinks if he acts interested and then never calls. Usually the ones who do call me are the ones I'd just as soon not be involved with. :0

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 5:12pm

Whenever I hear this question, I always think of an episode of Friends where Chandler is going out with Rachel's boss. After the date, he says, "I had a great time! I'll call ya!". He tells Rachel later on that the date hadn't worked for him but he didn't know what else to say at the end of a date. The joke goes on when they DO go out again mostly so he can let her down easy and after he does he says, "I had a good time, I'll call ya!"

The point was that guys were not necessarily being malicious - they are just as confused and clueless as we are. They don't know how to end dates sometimes and the first thing that comes out of their mouths is "I'll call ya!" when they might not mean it. Just one of those things and like Sheri says, try not to count on anything or take anything personally until much later. You met this guy once - don't let it bother you that he didn't call. Move on and say NEXT!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 6:17pm

Why do men say that they'll call and then they don't?

Well, probably because it's a lot easier to say "I'll give you a call" than "I just don't feel the chemistry between us."

The reasons why men say it is as varied as the men who say it. In other words, who knows!?!?

Meade

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 10:07pm
I think it is a genetic flaw! ;-) Seriously, it is aggravating and I hate that part of dating.
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 10:24pm

Hello ladies... I'd like to suggest that we take a vacation from blaming men. They are not the only ones who portray this sort of behavior, there have been many women (even on this board) that try to get out of contact nicely. Men (just like women) are not by nature, liars, cheats or scoundrels. They are just like us, trying to figure out what's going on and not wanting to be the bad guys in it all. We tend to bash them there because we are predominately women. But I'd like to see us realize that it's not just them. We are farrrrrrrrrrrrrr from innocent too! (Me being a big sinner! LOL)


Cheers!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 12:40am

I took Sheri and Vexer's advice awhile ago and just never count on another contact from an OLD meet. The more I did OLD, the easier it was to adopt this attitude. If you don't expect anything (even if they say they'll call you), then you aren't disappointed. They just don't know what to say when the first meet or following date isn't as they expected. "I'll call you" is their way to get out of it easier without confrontation.

I know I have been cordial during a first meet that I knew there was no way I would ever agree to another meeting with them, but I made the most of it until a decent amount of time clicked away and I could leave. They have usually been ok people and many very nice, but they just weren't right for me and didn't appeal to me. So I know this has happened with guys who have thought the same thing about me.

We all have our personal preferences and that can't be helped. A guy can not help if he is short and a girl prefers taller guys...just personal preferences.

So I end a meet with someone I am not ever planning to meet again with something like this when we have walked out to our cars before he can follow me to mine - Have a real nice day tomorrow. Bye... If I'm not interested I try not to lead them on that I am. But there is really no easy way to end a meet that you know isn't a good one.

Sunshine