men commenting about other women/jealous
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| Tue, 03-15-2005 - 8:03pm |
someone else started this type thread on another board, but I wanted to see what the posters here would say.
But if a man and woman were dating, (and say more of a new r'ship-5 months) because longer r'ships I think would be different.
A man and woman having a good time together and all of sudden a woman is walking in front of them and (you not sure if it is kiddingly) the man says something about her looks..like wow, she's hot or look at that as.*!! or anything about her looks?
NOw I know men and women both look and it's completely normal. But How would you react? Would it bother you? do you find something like this disrespectful ? or do you think it's nothing and let it roll?
I do know some people will say well if you are secure w/yourself and confident it would not bother you. But my feeling to this poster was that If I was still getting to know the person and you are having a great time together and he throughs you for aloop , i would find it disrespectful. Not because of insecurities, it is just I would not do the same to that person. I guess overtime though if we were deeply committed to eachother and I knew this was his sense of humor, (my gf and their husbands joke all the time) it would be different..
and i could see the man and woman joking about it. But when you are building trust and getting to know someone < I find it disrespectful .
I also don't have a problem commenting on another women's look to my man either.
Also would you prefer your man comment openly about it, rather than not saying anything even though you are sure she caught his eye.
what do you all think? Is this overreacting? or not?

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Did you eve see that movie Boogie Nights? This post brought up this memory. I was at my BF's house and the movie was on (it was the very end of it) and I go wait, you have to check this out, he has a prosthetic penis because the joke is that's he's HUGE on the show AKA Dirk Diggler. My BF gives me cra_! in a fun way that I just wanted to look at his "you know what" but not really.
Another time some show came on where normal movies DO NOT show mens you know what’s so when a movie does I'm more curious to see how much they show as it’s a rare thing...I'm not so into seeing the male anatomy if you will it's just that it's rare. So he gives me a hard time, like oh Peanut, maybe they'll have a Johnson shot whenever we’re flipping thru the movie channels, ha! We know how much you like that. He was actually a little offended at first but now we kid about it. To me I could care less if we're watching a movie and my BF goes wow, check out her knockers but that's not his personality where I might say something like, those are so fake, ha! :-)
Now it's different to be walking down the street, I agree it's classless and tasteless to make a comment about some woman's/men's beauty or how handsome he is. Watching a show or flipping thru a magazine is one thing and saying oh he or she is cute but that's not acceptable in my book to make a comment when someone walks by. I think it shows you lack respect. Yes, once you’ve been going out for years and your sweetie comments in a joking way is one thing but to say, wow, did you see how hot that woman was, that is flat out rude.
Good post!
The Peanut Butter w/out any bread this evening, he, he.
I'm with Sparkle and LG. I think that for a guy to make a comment on that, it's tremendously rude and shows a lack of respect for his gf's (or wife's) feelings.
It's one thing to look- sometimes that can't be helped, although my own belief is that a good, polite guy will even refrain from that. (And my personal experience is that even when a guy- okay, me- thinks he's not being obvious, the fact of the matter is that SHE KNOWS there is looking going on. Better to not look.)
But to say something like that? Unless, like Rosema said, they've been together a long time and know that both are comfortable with it... that's just wrong, wrong, wrong.
And to get upset about it is NOT overreacting. In fact, I think that much of a lack of respect is a giant red flag and the guy should be warned; if he does it again, it should be time for NEXT.
Any guy who dissed his gal to that extent deserves to be gone if he doesn't change his ways.
i want to thank you guys for your honest opinion. I was thinking i was the only one that took it as lack of respect and not about someone's insecurites. ON the other board everyone felt it was nothing and that the girl was overreacting and she should just roll w/t. and that she needed to work on her insecurities/ and jealously issues.
I believe a mature /respectful r'ship is one that respects eachother and each other's feelings.
and sometimes i think people do this to get the other person jealous or get a reaction which is wrong .immature.. and I am not saying a man or woman won't ever look but no reason to comment in front of her/him.
yes tv/magazines different story..
rosema!....
You brought up a very interesting point when you mentioned TV and Magazines....and the way they influence others.
Rosema -- I think it's rude, rude, RUDE! You're not alone here.
I once had a really awful boyfriend (long story, long ago) who was always doing that and he knew I hated it. Once we were out at a club and a woman walked by and he made this noise like, 'look at that.' I had had it, and elbowed him in the gut so hard he complained about it for days. Now, I'm certainly not advocating violence, but he never did it again!
it is so funny to see the differences in opinions on ths board compared to the other. the other board said to even think it was rude was our own insecurity. What h appened to respect?
I don't blame you for elbowing him.. I would probably want to slap them but again I would not advocate violence either. The best way to handle it is say soemthing maturely and then remain silent for a while.
do guys realize they do this? or are they plain stupid ? Once someone told me you are the frist person that reacted that way.. you overreacted. I am like no , I am your GF and I feel it was deresprectful. he was acting like it was me, something was wrong w/ me? I also told him I never had a guy say that to me and he was the first one that ever did that.
hello obviously the girl either did not care about you very much or not care very much about how she was being treated..
I have a friend who is so well read, so *self-aware* that she is sometimes impossible to talk to. She has all the theory of human behaviour, but none of the humanity. We are all faulty beings, doing the best we can in a faulty world.
I look at the opinion of the board you were referring to as nice theory, but misses the mark when it comes to love. I am self-secure (bordering on egotistical -- something I work on daily. And if THAT isn't an ironic statement nothing is!) but when it comes to my loved ones -- their opinion of me can either lift me up or crush me.
So when Loverboy sends out catcalls in front of me, that hurts my feelings. As a loved one, he should not want to hurt me. Whether or not the theoretical problem is my low self-esteem (hah), the point is Loverboy has my heart in his hands and needs to nurture it not hurt it. And he doesn't get to demand I change, either.
As I said in a previous post, I will return all favours.
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