Men Don't Handle Problems Well

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Men Don't Handle Problems Well
4
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 10:34am

This goes along with many of the other threads about men and their "issues". I said previously in the "It Happened Again" thread about how men cannot multitask like woman can. If they have job problems, kid problems, ex-wife problems or any other kind of stress in life, they seem to short-circuit faster than women do and end up letting their relationships with people go to hell, especially their romantic relationships. I do not think it is an isolated incident. This is a theme over and over again with men. I experienced it myself and I keep reading that that is what happens to many other men. What it boils down to is that they really cannot handle too many things at one time. They also do not seek advice like a lot of us women do. I have often read that men are more prone to "problem-solve" and when a woman tells a man her problems, he thinks he should try to solve the problem for her rather than just listen. However, I tend to be more likely to find a solution for someone if I can see that one exists. I'm a determined woman who has been successful in my life in my career and with many other issues. However, finding a guy who can handle life and has staying power in a relationship has eluded me.

I think the biggest majority of men out there could use counseling for what ails them. However, the biggest percentage of people who seek a counselor are women. Not surprising. Not only do the men not know what the hell to do with some problems in life, they also abhore anyone who might offer some unbiased advice as well. No wonder so few relationships survive when there are so many dysfunctional men out there. Sometimes I think we are better off without them. :0

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:41am
Throughout history, fewer male babies have been born and/or survived, more men suffered mental illnesses, men died younger, etc. Genetically, they don't have as much of a gene pool to draw from in terms of correcting defects, I.e., they only have Y chromosomes. However, men also have/had qualities women don't/didn't traditionally possess. I.e., they perform much more hard physical labor, have to be decisive and forceful at times, had to go to war, etc. Women worked hard of course, it was just different. Now, though, roles are changing and perhaps this is where the problem with men's characters comes in a lot. They simply don't have enough to do that makes them feel useful and needed. So they waste their brains and energy on porno and who knows what else. Advances in technology have brought blessings but many problems as well. I was musing to myself this morning that at no time in history before did people be able to view thousands of different naked or nearly naked people. Plus, the media controls people's thinking because its relatively limited content is broadcasted to millions of people everyday. It's scary when you think about it. The Bible says that because iniquity shall abound, the heart of many shall wax cold. I think we're witnessing that phenomenon now. While I'm largely disappointed in men as well, I see women as having as big a part in it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:24pm

Well if women are partly to blame, then it is because more of us (myself included) tolerated less than desirable behavior on the part of many men. I stand by my old belief that men SHOULD basically have their acts together by the time they hit their 40's. I realize things can come out of left field, but they should have the resources to deal with what life hands you by that age. It comes down to this--either they want a relationship or they don't. If it's a quick roll in the hay they want, there are better ways of obtaining that than posting a profile on a dating site claiming you want a long-term relationship. Being dishonest, playing games, and back-peddling is for juveniles and it isn't very attractive even if you are in your 20's.

If a man has too many problems in life, then he need NOT be on a dating site. He needs to try to solve his problems before he involves another innocent bystander. Stepping up to the plate and trying to get his ducks in a row is what needs to happen. Sadly, most men are clueless as to how to get their lives in order--and it is the women who end up hurt when we tangle with them.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:49pm

I am at a place in my life where I am looking for a partner in life (I just turned 53). Someone asked me what I am looking for in a woman when I took them that I was looking. I said that she must be self aware and the rest is in the details. If the person is not self aware then they would be clueless in addressing any personal and interpersonal issues that will crop up in a relationship.

The guy (or gal) first must be self aware in order to even think they have a problem much less to be motivated to see a therapist.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:43pm

"The guy (or gal) first must be self aware in order to even think they have a problem much less to be motivated to see a therapist."

Spoken like a guy who has his head on straight. Maybe you should be giving seminars to these single men who have such screwed up lives. Too many men today are saying "I don't need advice", "I don't need help", "I'm too young to need Viagra". Yeah...they are in major denial. :0