Men With Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Men With Kids
5
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 9:57am

I have a question if I over reacted a bit- there was a guy on OLD, who wrote me- claiming to be 37 (he looked older than 37 to me)- divorced with two kids.

I wrote back that "thanks but I am looking for someone who doesn't have children."

Anyways, he wrote back that "I should consider a guy like him since he's a good catch because he's already a Dad and had found someone once. Since he wants more kids, he's looking for women who don't have children- and I should consider him because of that."

I found it annoying- and almost insulting- more because I just can't believe that men can consider having two (or more kids) as such a positive- for a reason to go out with them! Its a big responsibility- and not easy to handle- And that it sounds like this guy doesn't want to have to deal with someone else's kids- yet he expects someone to accept his own.

I just think that there are guidelines (like the issue with age, race, etc.) - that are deal breakers. I really don't want to date someone at this age with children (maybe one child, but not two)- but for him to think he's a better catch than someone without children? That makes someone a better Dad because they've tried it already?
To me, no means no and not maybe- am I getting too annoyed here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: ariel1120
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:28am

Well, I guess it depends on what you're looking for.

heather 5-18-10
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: ariel1120
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 2:37pm

That's just dumb: "he's a good catch because he's already a Dad and had found someone once."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
In reply to: ariel1120
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 11:38pm

Oh, I've been there too.

You make specific mention of no kids in your ad and proceed to receive several responses from Daddies. It's a real pet peeve of mine too. Do they bother to consider, perhaps, that I'm not seeking a ready-made family? that I lack the desire to be a parent?

Worse yet are the ones who have actually asked "Won't you search your heart and embrace the idea of loving my child". Good grief. Why on earth did you pick me? We so aren't made for each other.

-75 points for not following directions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
In reply to: ariel1120
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 10:17am

I don't think you were wrong, one of my dealbreakers is kids, as much as I love them, I'm not ready for my own, let alone someone else's...I've compromised on other things but that's one thing I will not budge on. Dating is tough enough with just 2 people, but that's just my opinion and how I feel. I have friends who have dated guys with kids, and some friends that have children that are dating, and it's tough!

Stick to what you want though! (Or in this case, don't want).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
In reply to: ariel1120
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 12:16pm
Yes, you are getting too annoyed. :) Everyone has their own standards and preferences, and while his theory that being a single dad makes him a better catch may not make sense to you he is entitled to believe that. I will never understand the people who feel compelled to try to convince people who've already said they're not interested to date them but unfortunately there are legions of them out there. So, since they obviously bug you :), the best way to deal with them is either ignore/delete or, if you respond, block them immediately. Don't let stuff like this get to you. It isn't worth it and just draws your energy away from your goal of finding a partner.