Men with NO Time to Date

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Men with NO Time to Date
12
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:33am

Twice now I've talked to (both online and on the phone) with men who were supposedly interested in meeting me. But this last possible encounter sort of irked me to wonder what the deal is.

For starters, I work two jobs; have for many years and I don't anticipate quitting my second job anytime soon. However, I have made it clear that I would cut back my work hours in order to meet and date someone who had mutual interest. As a general rule, I also have set time off hours and never work Sundays. I also have vacation time I can use as well. It's not like I work 24-7. Financially, I don't have the luxury of making it with only one job. Many people are in the same situation as me. And while it might make it a bit harder to date someone, I am willing to make compromises in order to meet and get to know someone.

My latest online guy drives cross country with a trucking line. He isn't the main driver, but an "escort" driver. When we first talked, he said that although he is gone a lot, that he did have some time at home and knew several days in advance of his trips. He also said he planned to not be gone as much this year as he had last year--that he didn't have to take every job that came along. Sounds workable? Well, after the second or third conversation, I find out that he is sometimes only given 24 hours notice (or less). Three different times now we had "tentative" meets set up only to be cancelled due to his work.

I have no idea if we'd even have "chemistry" once we did meet. However, I'm finding it very odd that I continue to run into men with strange jobs and even stranger hours. Why would someone put their profile on a dating site when they have so little time to date or even meet someone?




Edited 1/9/2006 11:40 am ET by mitsy2

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 1:01pm
I've often wondered that myself.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 1:12pm
Some people enjoy emailing with datable women. It doesn't mean they are serious about actually have a real relationship. It is one of the obstacles of OLD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:16pm

I work for an airline so I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm always running into men who couldn't keep a date to save their lives. Why they bother asking me out, I'm not sure. Honestly, I think they really intend on making time, but it just doesn't work that way. For pilots, work is the most important thing in the world, and they won't give it up for anyone. They THINK they can, but when it comes down to it, they can't.

Anyway, it just proves that some men really ARE too busy.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:38pm

I'm a member of the "He's Just Not That Into You" club on this one...

People make time for what is important to them. I don't want to sound harsh, but if they really like you and want to meet you, they will make time. My brother is a surgeon; a pediatric oncologist with four kids. He has never missed ONE of their ball games.

Nobody is too busy. I've used that "too busy" excuse when in my heart I really didn't want to go on the meet, but didn't want to completely blow someone off... yet.

The other take might be that the escort driver is just hoping to squeeze in a booty call in his off hours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:55pm
Believe me, I thought about that, but he seemed pretty sincere in his e-mails and in his phone calls. He also said that he did not want a fling but wanted someone in his life. I'm not taking this one as personal if I never hear from him again since we never met. I just think it's strange that he would have a profile on a dating site and then have no real time to date. If it was just sex he wanted, I'm sure he could find that without a dating site. Oh well, I won't sweat this one. Maybe I'm learning to be a bit more thick-skinned after all. :0
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:02pm
That's a little harsh. I can't make a date when my company has sent me out of town with five hours notice, which happens frequently. And yes, my career comes before someone I'm casually dating, and it certainly comes before someone I've never met. Personally, I think it's stupid to make time (if that requires blowing off work) for some guy. Same with the pilots I've dated. Trips come up. I'm totally ok with them rescheduling. I used to confirm the spur of the moment date cancellations, now I understand that it's just work. I don't know, maybe I'm just more into my career than most people and am used to putting it first.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:19pm
On the other hand, I won't say I wouldn't still want to meet him at some point, but HE is going to have to do the contacting. It seems like a lot of men are really interested in the very beginning, but then start to get cold feet the closer time it gets to actually meeting. I really hope he has some sincere plans on meeting when he's home for a few days--I would be willing to work around his schedule if he'd be willing to work around mine. I am just not convinced he is wanting to meet as badly as he did the first time we talked. At this point, he will have to be put on the backburner (in my mind) until he decides he has some free time. Until then, NEXT. :0
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:37am
On the long shot that some one has strange hours that are the same as theirs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 11:39am

Well, I got an instant message from "trucker guy" that said he was still not home and was beginning to think that this might not work due to his schedule and distance between us. I did have my reservations about that when we first talked, but it was HE who seemed to play down that fact. He said he just could not handle it right now. So, I'm not taking this one as personally as some of the rest since we had not ever met. I just think he cannot handle being on the road so much and trying to develop a relationship with anyone.

My only gripe about this is that he should never have even put a profile on a dating site if this was the case. It wouldn't matter who the woman was, if he is on the road 90% of the time and apparently on call for those trips, he has nothing he can count on as "free time".

I was nice in my response though and told him to let me know when and if he ever did have time--that I would still like to meet him. I left it open-ended, but I won't be waiting around for this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 2:48pm
In his defense, he still has normal needs for a relationship,etc, and he maybe was hoping to get lucky and meet a woman with a similar schedule, maybe a female trucker or a woman who travels a lot for work.

Pages