Met guy online- distance problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Met guy online- distance problem
14
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 9:13pm

Hello everybody! I just posted this same post on dating doyenne because I didnt see there was a board that had to do with my question!! Blonde moment- Ha- well Ill get on with it.

I met a guy online- Ive been talking to him for about a year now. However- big problem! Distance!!! And when I say distance, I mean distance!!!
He lives in Ireland and I live here in the states- but it wasnt a big deal for me at the time because I wasnt all that attractive to him in his pictures- Im kinda superficial like that. We both werent looking for anything out of our conversations- just a long distance friendship, however- ironicly through conversation, we just both found out that his cousin-(whom had moved to the States a year and a half ago) lives 5 miles from me in the next town!!!!

Now delema- hes coming out to visit his cousin and me in March over Pattys day.
We talked on the phone yesterday and sparks flew for the first time on both ends!!!!
I dont know how to explain it but now I have the personality with the face and thats what made my heart leap! Never had this kind of chemistry spark with anyone before. I mean I could not believe I could have this kind of an attraction after one telephone conversation! Now Im scared. I somehow have to distance myself from him while hes out here because I dont want to have a long distance relationship by all means!

What do I do now? Im the one who got myself into this mess of talking to somebody that could be potentially one of the greatest guys but, IRELAND- give me a break, why god? why? ha ha! Has anyone here had a situation like mine arise and what did you do or for those who havent- what would you do? Its crazy because hes the first one that Ive ever had a connection with that has had his head screwed on straight! ha! And probrably the first non don juan Ive ever been attracted to with my shallow side. I think I just fell in love with his personality and outlook on life, moral values are similar to mine- etc.
But Ireland- Oh dear Ireland, home of my ansestors and home to him. Sucks! Somebody give me advice here- Help me!!! thanks stacy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 8:35pm
Okay- I am the one who wrote this forum for advice and I do accept constuctive critism. However, I am Irish so I will debate with you. I think the only reason you spoke the way you did is because you think Im full of fairy tales. If you knew me then youd be talking a different story. I didnt want to give the full blown because many people like short and happy. Im more complex. Im 28 and I have been around the block more than once! I am new to the internet dating thing and thats why I dont concider myself dating anyone. I have many admire me and love the way I look- Im a model. Im on the internet to check out Pen pals- like one of the past had discribed. I am not looking for number one- because I am number one- just looking for a good person to chat with. I went nuts when I heard my friends voice on the phone because I wasnt attracted to him in pictures. Now- he has no idea what I look like because I dont want him to be attracted to me superficialy. This is positive for me- because Im more used to men attracted to me from outside appearance- and Im not stupid, Im a professional woman and im Independant. I grew up hearing how I had to be independant and be strong- Im not about to be snowed over by somebody I met on the internet a year ago. I however am finally giving a guy like him a chance and this is my real point. Im not out looking for true love- just a good realistic friend. If he turns out to be the man who I might see every morning of my life then thats okay too. Just saying he seems really positive in his outlook on life and I, reguardless of what he looks like for once, will give him that chance- if hes not sycoticly untrue. thanks again for your post- stacy
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 9:04pm

>>Im on the internet to check out Pen pals- like one of the past had discribed. I am not looking for number one- because I am number one- just looking for a good person to chat with.... Im not out looking for true love- just a good realistic friend.

Ahem... so why are you posting this story on dating forums? ;-)

Your best bet is to calm yourself and remember this guy is a FRIEND. A pen pal. Sometimes friendship can become more, but considering the distance, I wouldn't count on it at this point in time. Look at it realistically: Your friend from overseas happens to be traveling stateside so you finally get a chance to hang out in person. How exciting! So have fun and keep your expectations realistic. High expectations almost always lead to disappointment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 12:33am
uh, I thought your question was, "me moving over there or he moving here?" so everyone read your posting and started talking to be realistic and cautious. O.k. I guess many of us completely misunderstood.. at least I did. I still don't understand why you talked about "distance problem", but o.k., you're independent, professional, strong, beautiful, guys asking you out, just looking for penpal, so I guess your choice is unlimited, and I've been completely lost re: the point of your original post. I'd say, there shouldn't be anything we need to be concerned or suggest anything. It's very nice that you have a distinctive idea of who you are and what you're looking for. I'm sure everything will work out great. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 1:30am
I thank you all for your post- whether good or bad. I am an insightful person- and I dont, especially now in my life look for the future- just for today. However all of you have given me a great insight on me and that is well appreciated. I just have been dinked around and turned around for my appearance for so long and I guess thats why Im writing really. I have been with guys and wanted more of a friendship but they always want more in the end due to my personable, fun spirit I guess. However, Ive always been lost on my own self and I guess thats why I come off as so confusing to all of you who have posted. Alot of women dont like me because of their own insecuritys and men dont like me because I can read them like a book and hate what I see most of the time. ( I say what I see with men because they can handle it- with women- its different, im more easy on it because of their gender and the way I am) However Im just looking out for the grander things in life like you all who have posted and I believe there is somebody out there to fit me. Instead of look at me as a sex sybol. Why not look at me for me- I think this one is the only one I never let in and thats why I care so much about him- Im scared? Yea Id be stupid to say im not scared- Im scared about his perseption of me for once- I dont care what he looks like- I dont care if he eats his dinner with his feet!!!! I just for once in my life care about his vision on me- and after a year of speaking with him- ive built up alot of trust and innermost stuff I wouldnt normaly do but since hes sane Im safe enough with that right? Whether or not we meet and see eachother romanticly involved- I just know I met one of the best friends I could ever make in this life time!!! Not kidding! I thank you all again for posting- and hope to see you on the lighter side!!!! Love ya all! stacy

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