met up with him

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
met up with him
12
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 10:39pm

I went for coffee with him. Everything went smoothly and he seems a nice guy. I don't feel any chemistry there, although we could get along nicely as just friends. Not sure if he's into me or not and I don't really care!

I've never been on a date- except the ones when I was a teenager where the guy didn't pay for me. Well, it was only a cup of coffee and he isn't broke I know (he has a nice job in a bank!)... it was only a few dollars and he told me to keep the change... Does that say something about him? Even the guy I dated before (didn't meet online) who was a struggling student pay for my drink. Maybe I'm just spoiled by my previous dates... this guy certainly didn't earn points with me! Am I being harsh? Should he pay?

In the meantime, I'm emailing this other guy who doesn't like pets, lol. Then there's the solitictor who says he is sick and will call me when he is better... I'm thinking yeah yeah, like he will... so let's see. I kind of like the solitictor... by his pick and his emails... but he's the one who had his phone switched off the time when I said I would give him a call!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 10:05am
Wait so are you saying this guy paid or he did not? Confused...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 2:54pm
to me, he did not even though he told me to keep the change. I think he's kind of stingy.... not putting his best foot forward. Don't know... what do you think?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 3:15pm

I don't understand...he told you to keep the change from what? From you paying for your own coffee (which makes no sense...)? Or he gave you the change from him paying for his coffee (which is a really weird thing to do...)?

Please clarify.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 7:23am
oh sorry! Now I get why you're confused! lol... we each put in $5 towards the bill and when it came back he told me to keep the change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 9:26am

Geeez that is odd... I think I'm more bothered by him telling you to keep the change than I am with you two going dutch.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 10:37am
I just think it's tacky they went dutch - did he ask you to pitch in or did you offer? I would have just given him my drink order and let him get it. I'm sorry but if the man can't buy you a cup of coffee - well, you don't want to know what i think, LOL. I probably would have bought both - just tacky to me especially a first meeting.
SP
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 1:24pm

I don't think that the keeping the change is more odd than the going dutch. What was he supposed to do? Keep it himself or break it down to the penny - "Ok, we got 67 cents in change so I'll take 33 cents and you take 34!"? LOL.

Yeah, it's a little tacky for him not to pay but it depends on the situation IMO. If you offer and he takes you up on it, and you don't like it when a guy doesn't pay, well... don't offer! :-) Don't hold it against the guy because he took you up on your offer. All kinds of things could have been going through his mind on that. Maybe he thought you'd feel more comfortable if you paid or maybe he thought that you were not so into him so he let you pay, maybe he feels more comfortable going dutch on a first meet. Who knows? But if you offer, you better have an expectation that the guy will actually make you pony up.

If the bill came and he said, "well, your part is $X so why don't you just give me $5 and we're even", yeah, that's more tacky. If I am out with friends, we do that but on a first meet, if I don't offer to pay, I expect the guy to.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 3:00pm
well I offered... I didn't say "Oh here's my money" but I just do what I normally do when I go out with guys, pull out my wallet and usually they tell me they've got it. This guy had $5 in his hand and waiting for me to put in my $5! A huge turn off I'd say!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 3:22pm

I agree that it's a turnoff, but I also think you should stop pulling out your wallet if you're going to judge the guys for accepting your money. Just graciously allow them to pay, and thank them for doing so.

Here, you obviously had to pull it out, since he obviously was not prepared to pay for you, but I think the wallet fake is disingenuous and confusing to a lot of men.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 3:26pm

Yeah, it does sound like he was expecting you to put in your share. But I still hold by my view that if you offer to pay, you shouldn't be TOO put out if he takes you up on it. Like I said, he might be thinking that you feel more comfortable to pay on first meets - some women do. If it's a turnoff for you for a guy to not pay for you, don't offer it up. I know we do it to be "polite" or whatever, but you can't expect him to read your mind that it's a turnoff for you if you're offering. And if you're going to use it as a type of "test" then definitely stop offering!

I think we women expect a lot out of these poor guys! They are as clueless about this stuff as we are and just muddling through too.

Red, if you liked the guy and this was the only thing wrong so far, give him another chance on a more official date. If he still expects you to pay, THEN give him the heave ho but I wouldn't dump him for this one offense. You don't know if he's stingy or if he just was thinking another way.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

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