met online, he's from overseas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2013
met online, he's from overseas
5
Thu, 03-28-2013 - 12:50am

I met a man threw Facebook. We talk a lot and seem to really have hit it off. He lives in England, me, the States. He will be here visiting in about a month. Any special suggestions for meeting someone from online when they have traveled so far? Normally a coffee at Starbucks would do, but I am clueless about this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-28-2013 - 11:11am

Is he visiting her for some other purpose like business or meeting other friends?  i sure hope so.  If so maybe you could say that you want to meet up for a drink and then if you are hitting it off you could stay on for dinner.  Since you have a month to go, that gives you some time to be in contact and try to get to know his interests better.  Try to find out his schedule.  I'd say you could offer to show him some kind of tourist spot but then if you don't like each other when you meet, it's very awkward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2013
Fri, 03-29-2013 - 1:58am

Wow! How long is he staying for? WHERE is he going to stay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 03-31-2013 - 3:37am

Quiltingclaire-

Hi. Like the others, I want to know whether he has other purposes for visiting. Also, where is he staying? I probably wouldn't just meet for coffee. That's for someone local.  I'd go for dinner with him--provided your communications over the next month go well.

I met my wife online long distance and 4 years before her, a girlfriend. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2013
Sun, 04-07-2013 - 7:46pm

It's getting closer....he has always wanted to come to the states, travels a lot. but is coming here to meet me. the length of time depends on how it goes. Really sweet guy. I said he has to stay at a local hotel. This is really different. There is no precedent for this that I know of! I'm very familiar with the whole online dating thing normally. I dont really know what to think of the whole thing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 04-10-2013 - 10:29pm

I'm sure you don't want to hear this and will continue with your plans anyway, but why begin a relationship with so many hurdles? I did online dating for over 2 years when I was single. I made it a rule to date within 50 miles of my location. For one thing, 9 out of 10 dates, the date was a disaster. Even if we loved each others photos, e-mails and phone calls, the first date ended up being the last. In some cases one or both of us didn't feel chemistry. Some guys posted really old photos and were clearly a lot older than they'd admit to. Some guys personalities were abrasive or unappealing. Some lied about their dating goals. They said they wanted a long term relationship, when really they wanted to screw around for a few weeks. One guy was normal on the first date, then on the second one, I saw that he was crazy. Some guys claim to be only dating you, and they're busy chatting with a harem on the internet.

He's spending probably $900 for that flight. That's an expensive risk. Why can't he find a local woman? Does he have a criminal background? You don't know. Everyone's wonderful at the beginning. It takes a good year to really get to know someone. How are you going to do this an ocean apart? Why do you want to spend night after alone, with someone so far away that you can only afford to text, phone, or email? And if you did start a relationship, for one of you to live with the other, you'd basically have to marry. There are immigration rules and you just can't live in another country just because your gf/bf lives there. How do you know he just doesn't want a green card and thinks life in the US would be a better life in expensive England. Spending so much time with someone so soon, which you would probably do if he's spending all this money to see you, is not ideal. It's like something that burns so bright and then extinguishes too quickly. There are many women who regret moving too fast, but you'll never find a woman who regretted going slowly.

Be very careful if you go through this. People can be great actors. Don't get so comfortable that you invite him to your house and don't go to his hotel room. Always meet in a public place. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but I've been around the block a time or two. You can find out what a guy's life is like and if he's a good potential partner by physically seeing him a couple times a week. You would eventually meet his family and friends and gradually find out who the real person is. How would you do this with a foreigner? Everything about this situation is a huge risk. Think long and hard if a cute photo of a guy is enough evidence that he's on the up and up and worth risking your safety for. Keep us updated. Take care.