Met online, living far apart, should I even be considering this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2011
Met online, living far apart, should I even be considering this?
7
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 10:30am
Hello, I'm new here. And I'm very confused about the "relationship"? I am finding myself in.

We met online. Not on a dating site, just through a message board. We PM'd for a while and started an online friendship. We were both in relationships at the time. Over the span of about 6 weeks, both our relationships ended, and the online friendship turned more to an online romance. We have been calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. To each other, to our friends, coworkers, etc. It's easily as serious a relationship as any I've ever had -- except for the fact that we've never met in person!

The reason we haven't met is simple. It would require plane travel. And I am kind of torn between wanting this to happen right away and wanting to wait and continue to get to know each other. It's only been about a month that we turned more romantic than platonic. Due to the distance, we want to make sure that we will be able to spend a week together, and scheduling conflicts are pointing to October or November for this to be possible.

Is that too much time to wait? Is that too much time for us to build this up in our minds? We are being extremely open with each other about our hopes for our time together, our hopes for what that will lead to, how we are viewing each other based off our emails and phone calls, and the fact that it may not work out no matter how much we both want it.

I'm not even sure what kind of advice I am looking for here. I guess I'm curious to know if anyone else has had this sort of long build up, met in person, and just not have the chemistry they thought they would. That's my big fear. That despite all the talking, emailing, and sharing pics, that we just won't click in person. Since we are so far apart, we kind of have to go for it big right off the bat, or not at all. At this point, I couldn't imagine ending this without having met in person. It just feels too real!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think there's a long distance relationship board, so you might get better advice over there.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

I agree with Music. I've never been in a LDR, but I have done online dating and have been contacted by guys in other states.

I don't want to say it can't work out, but the odds are against it. I know a woman who got involved with a man she met online--they lived on opposite sides of the country. They carried on online for a really long time, and he finally flew to meet her--once. After some more time went by, she decided to quit her job and move to be with him, planning to marry him. Within weeks, it totally unraveled--there were sides to his personality that she had never seen and she didn't like them. She moved back and was fortunate to get her job back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2011
Thanks for the replies. We have talked a lot about what we want to happen if we DO like each other. Obviously it would be very expensive to keep this sort if thing going long distance for a long time. Both of us have good jobs though, so that's not our main concern. We think if the first meet goes well that we will plan maybe 2 or 3 more trips to be sure before one of us moves. There are pros and cons to him moving here and me moving there, but both of us are willing to move if it is the right thing to do, so we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. As far as meeting sooner, it just doesn't work for us. I personally have every weekend through the end of September already booked for something, and his job is really busy this time of year, it's just not a time he ever is able to get away. And, floridagirl, yes, I do expect him to come here for the first meet. I could fly there sooner theoretically, it's not like the plans I have are life or death. It's just that I have never been where he lives, but he has been here. So it just makes so much more sense to wait until he can come here. I hear you on the fantasyland thing though. I'm not denying that. That's why I'm looking for people to tell me it didn't work out I think.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Hi

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
I know people who met online, had long distance relationships for years even, and are now married. I also know people for whom it crashed and burned badly, but things ended before anyone moved to be with the other. It can work, but like everyone else has said, just be cautious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010

I'm a believer that we all should taken significant risks and relationships regardless of the type or where we meet or even how far apart we have to be from each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2011

If you really think what you have is real, you should do everything in your power to meet as soon as possible.