met someone on EH, friend vs. more
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| Tue, 06-20-2006 - 4:57am |
Normally I dislike when people join msg boards and just ask for advice/opinions *grin*, so I'll be sure to stop back here and participate in other discussions, but for now I'd just like people's thoughts on something. I've met up with someone from eharmony twice now. The first time was just a movie and we only talked for about 20 minutes beforehand, and ended the evening with a hug initiated by me. I didn't feel any chemistry, but liked him enough as a person to be interested in seeing where things went, and he willingly agreed to meet up again. 2 weeks later, we met up at a state park between our hometowns (we live 1 hour apart), and spent 3 hours just walking around and talking. We had a good time, made each other laugh, learned that we had alot in common (which we already knew from talking for 4 months via email prior to meeting). It ended with a hug initiated by him this time, and he said that once the dust had settled from him moving to a different house he'd have me up and show me around. I'm letting him do his thing and get organized, because I can guess how crazy it must be to move into a different house, so I'm in waiting mode. That's not really relavent though.
I just don't know if I'm attracted to him, and I sort of feel like I should know by know. Granted the first time we met it was a quick thing and you can't talk during a movie, so really we only hung out for an extended period once. I wonder if he's like a male version of me sometimes, but then I don't know, I like him in every other way, so maybe I should give it more time to see if chemistry develops? I think part of the problem was that we agreed to meet as friends and see if something happened, so we really left it undefined (although he paid for my movie ticket that first time). And I don't think he'd (or any guy!) would want to have the "where is this going" conversation after only meeting 2 times! So, I guess the question is (yes, I know you all were wondering if I'd ever get around to it!), does this seem destined for friendship only, or can attraction take time to develop, and how long should I give it. I suppose all the standard answers apply, "you'll just know when", etc, but I'd still like to hear what people think or personal experiences. Thanks, for anyone who takes the time to read this and reply, I know I can be long-winded online! I guess for background info it might be helpful to know that I'm 22 with very little dating experience, and he just turned 27, don't know about his dating experience, although we both seem shy/polite about initiating physical contact and personal topics into conversations.

I tend to read a lot and speak less from experience. However, they say people look for partners who have something they lack. So I guess it is true that opposites attract. You say this guy is like a male version of you, however, so it's hard to say if you'll ever feel that "spark". Also, couples are attracted to each other because they want the same things. Unfortunately, what one wants, the other will deny, many times. For ex., if one partner grew-up without much affection and just decided they "didn't need it", they're likely to find a partner who also grew-up without much affection but is open about their desire for it. This begins a push/pull of meeting and/or denying each others desires.
I feel this is relevant to you with this guy because you're not likely to have these push/pull dynamics with someone who's a lot like you. It's probably going to seem boring because the "normal" ways couples have of getting what they want from each other will be non-existent. I.e., the drama of getting the other to meet one's needs (Interestingly, I was reading that when we meet the other's needs, it's as if our own needs were met.). My guess is that if you're going to like this guy as more than a friend, you're going to have to talk on more than a superficial level. How can you know if you like someone if you don't really know what they're about? It sounds like you both have the same approach to relationships, so it might be a little difficult. It's very possible that over time you will discover each others insides and be very attracted, though. It's probably just going to take more time than a couple who has those opposite dynamics going right away that lead to trouble later on. Good luck.