Movie on a second date

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Movie on a second date
14
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 3:27pm

What do you guys think about going to a movie as a second date? I really dislike the idea because I think at the beginning, for at least the first three dates, you should be getting to know the person. Sitting in a dark room for two hours doesn't really give you any insight into the person at all, aside from where in the theater they like to sit, whether or not they eat popcorn, how often they go to the bathroom, etc. Things which are totally insignificant to me (because I'm not much of a moviegoer).

Just asking because one of my OLD guys just asked me out to a movie and I said I would rather see him and spend time talking to him ... He countered with I'd like to get to you know you too but I thought it would be fun to see a film and that it might spur conversation, etc. etc. I guess I'll go along, but I'm not thrilled with the idea. What do you guys think? Am I just being difficult?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:04pm

I don't like going to movies the first few dates either, for the reasons you mentioned...but I'd go along with it, if you otherwise like what you know of the guy so far.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:06pm

iamdelightful...


cl/Pianoguy is very partial to movies....and would probably bring up the suggestion too.


Of course....a more interesting approach would be if Mr. Right offered to "prepare you a home-cooked dinner" and afterwards...the 2 of you could enjoy a dvd, vhs tape,

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:18pm

PMFJI, but no way, Jose, NOT on a 2nd date from OLD! 5th date or later...maybe.

I've been invited for dinner on 3rd dates before, and in both cases, it turned out that the guy was primarily interested in sex. Now, I *know* that not all guys who extend this sort of invitation are that way, but the impression created would not be a good one, both for that reason, and because a guy should know that from a woman's perspective, it creates an uncomfortable situation for a woman to be invited to a (relative) stranger's home on a 2nd date, for security reasons. She's put in the tough position of having to say no for several reasons, and basic courtesy, IMO, dictates that you shouldn't put someone in that position, even with good intentions.

Does that make sense?

Sheri

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:37pm
Actually, pianoguy, I would find that entirely inappropriate because I wouldn't go to someone's place on a second date. I live in New York City, and we just don't do that kinda thing here!
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:41pm

To tell you the truth, Sheri, I'm not thrilled with him. He talked about his last girlfriend during our first phone conversation and the first time we went out for an after-work dinner, both times in unflattering terms. Is this always a bad sign? (Duh. I can't believe I'm asking all these stupid questions today.)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:44pm

Hate to use that word again, but even if it's not a bad sign that he's not over her yet, it's just plain TACKY to talk about exes like that early on! The focus should be on the person you are with (or talking with, in the case of the phone call), not exes (or other dates, for that matter, to go back to our previous conversation).

Since you're not all that jazzed about him, I think I'd write him an email saying, I apologize but after further reflection, I don't think we're a good match.

Sheri

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:47pm
Really? Even after accepting the invitation for a second date? Wouldn't it just be more gracious to go on that second date and then tell him?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:50pm

Well, I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and determine how *I'd* want to be treated in that situation, and act accordingly. Personally, I wouldn't want to waste an evening with someone who was just out with me to be "gracious" but who wasn't really interested in me, so I'd prefer that they cancel.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:51pm
Why go on the second date if you think there are red flags?
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 5:02pm

Funny you should ask

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